Protecting others’ face

In summary, I recommend the following guidelines for protecting others’ ‘face’:

Do…

• avoid conflict and preserve harmony
• resolve conflicts privately, discreetly, tactfully and by using positive criticism
• ask sensitive questions in private
• respect rank and title
• ’give face’
• offer a ‘face-saving’ way out.

Do not…

• reprimand, criticise, embarrass, insult, make insulting remarks about, offend, lose your temper with, shout at, behave disrespectfully towards, prove wrong anyone in public
• say ‘no’

According to welcome-to-china.com (op cit): ‘If you are a Star Trek fan’ which I am not ‘think about Worf and the Klingons.’

MODESTY AND HUMILITY (‘KEQI’)

‘Keqi’ not only means considerate, polite and well-mannered, but also represents humbleness and modesty. It is impolite to be arrogant and brag about oneself or one’s inner circle. The expression is most often used in the negative, as in ’buyao keqi meaning ‘you shouldn’t be so kind and polite to me’ or ‘you’re welcome’ (TravelChinaGuide.com, July 2002: Travel Essentials – Getting Acquainted – Etiquette).

As one of the virtues expected of the Confucian Superior Man, humility has evolved into a series of public displays of modesty, as follows:

Examples of keqi
When…	the Chinese may say…
They serve you a sumptuous and magnificent home-cooked banquet	’I hope you like our simple food: we are very poor and unadventurous cooks.’
You compliment them on their handiwork – for example: painting or model-making	’You flatter me! I took so little care and made so many mistakes that I was going to throw it away because it’s so bad.’
You compliment their family’s achievement – for example: acting, or promotion	‘You’re too kind: I don’t think anybody else turned up for the audition or applied for the job.’

As Mao said: ‘We should be modest and prudent, guard against arrogance and rashness, and serve the Chinese people with heart and soul’ (23 April 1945).

Foreigners should follow suit – thus, for example, when complimented on your spoken Chinese, you should reply along the lines of: ‘Thank you, but my grammar and pronunciation are very bad’ – rather than boast about having a degree in the language from an ivy-league university.

One purpose is ritually to cede superiority to others by praising them and deprecating oneself, in accordance with the practice of hierarchism, explained below.

However, although ritualistic, such displays are not necessarily always false modesty or hollow flattery as some sceptics might think. The mere fact that the Chinese bother to observe their code of gentlemanly behaviour when dealing with unequal ‘foreign devils’ is in itself a sufficient demonstration of genuine respect.

That is not to say, however, that the Chinese do not use false modesty or hollow flattery – which they may do to put you in your place – such as when you, in halting Chinese, compliment their genuinely excellent command of your language; and they reply: ‘But not as good as your spoken Chinese’ or ‘your Chinese calligraphy makes mine look like a child’s scrawl’. Do not be fooled, but check your ego: they really mean the opposite and are just ‘trying it on’ in line with the Western saying that ‘flattery will get you anywhere’.

HIERARCHISM

In line with the extended Confucian concept of filial piety, the Chinese are conditioned not to ‘kick against the pricks’ of social order – and in particular are taught to respect age and seniority, and defer to authority, age and rank.

Dead men’s shoes

One way in which respect for age and seniority has traditionally manifested itself is the ‘dead men’s shoes’ method of promotion – that is, you rise through the ranks to fill the gaps left by your elders. In other words: experience and advancement are a function of age not ability.

In the future, this practice may change, according to the eighth of Jiang’s ‘Eight Dos and Don’ts’.

Meanwhile, the implications for business are:

• Rank should correlate to age – for example, bosses are expected to be older than their staff; the leader of a delegation than its members; and senior colleagues than junior ones.

• Remuneration should also correlate to age – for example: older colleagues expect to earn more than younger ones, even if the former are performing identically or worse in the same or a less important job.
• Foreign ‘high flyers’ (such as directors or general managers) who are too young for their seniority by Chinese standards (say, under 50) and thus insufficiently experienced in Chinese eyes, may:
  • at best: not be taken seriously by the Chinese
  • at worst: be misconstrued as an insult by the home office for not appointing someone of sufficient gravitas – an indication of the importance, or apparent lack of it, that the home office attributes to China.

Thus, rewarding and promoting Chinese colleagues on the basis of performance and ability, respectively, can be a minefield, as discussed later in Chapter 10>.

One exception to this rule seems to be that young well-educated Chinese working in China for a non-Chinese employer appear to accept young well-paid foreign graduate trainees – probably because the latter are transient, not blocking the former’s promotion.

’Laobanism’

’Laobanism’, a term coined by me – as far as I am aware – to describe the blind obedience to the boss or laoban, or the subjugation of truth to hierarchy, is rife; and manifests itself in business primarily as follows:

Rules of ‘Laobanistri’
	is always right (even if only by virtue of being older and when obviously wrong): that is why they are the boss – otherwise they would not be
‘Laoban1’ (the boss)	because infallible, never changes their mind, nor should be openly challenged – which would be a loss of ‘face’, as explained above
	makes and is expected to make every decision – the Chinese workers’ means of ‘upward delegation’
	probably arrives last and leaves first – and certainly no one should leave until they have done so

When the boss is foreign and does not understand the Chinese ways, the result may be disastrous – for example: as intimated above, the Chinese staff may stand by and watch the boss make all the mistakes in the book and lose face’, whilst ensuring they do not lose their own.

It is not unusual for a boss (Chinese or foreign) to be addressed as laoban- even long after the relationship has ended – as a means of giving ‘face’.

Changing your mind

If, for the average person, changing your mind is a loss of ‘face’, then, for laoban it can be mistaken for a lack of ability or show of weakness – when, in fact, the opposite may be true.

Business hierarchy

In business, hierarchical distinctions (i.e. rank and status) are important to the Chinese and at the root of China’s bureaucratic structures.

Ideally, to save your ‘face’ and that of others, as explained above, you should interact with people of similar rank and, therefore, age. Otherwise, you may detract from the ‘face’ of a more senior or much older person; or ‘lose face’ when dealing with a more junior or much younger one.

In reality, however, this is wholly impractical, especially in the quest for guanxi, mentioned above – when I recommend that you observe the following rules:

Rules of business hierarchy
When dealing with people of…	you should behave…
higher rank	respectfully – that is: deferentially and diffidently, even flattering the other and deprecating yourself (as intimated above)
lower rank	neither as if you consider yourself more important than the other person, nor too informally

Within the workplace, junior staff will often ask senior staff to sound out the boss on their behalf, rather than making a direct approach.

Exercising authority

As a corollary of being conditioned to respect their ‘elders and betters’, those Chinese who fall into this category expect natural respect in the exercise of their authority.

Consequently, they may feel threatened by those Western modern management practices – such as empowerment and self-directed teamworking – that turn traditional business hierarchies upside down to cast the boss in the role of facilitator with responsibilities rather than leader with privileges.

Similarly, some Chinese staff may:

• at best: be confused by
• at worst: lose respect for

foreign bosses who try to be ‘one of the boys’.

Deferring to authority

Self-deprecation and deferring to authority must be interpreted in the foregoing contexts.

On occasions, therefore, the Chinese may fail to recognise and hence take genuine opportunities that you offer to them to behave otherwise in their best interests.

Paternalism

Such exercise of or deference to authority is not always limited to work-related issues. The paternalistic nature of the relationship between employees and laoban – consequent upon the Confucian concept of filial piety – means that the latter may freely advise, or be consulted by, the former about their personal matters.

Such practice contradicts those Western management traditions that advocate keeping personal problems out of the workplace. However, in China, a good boss is one who looks after his employees’ general welfare – not out of altruism, but for the collective good of the whole staff: a happy worker is a productive one. (For an example, see Chapter 4: Staff Gratuities.)

Conformity and disagreement

From the foregoing, it will come as no surprise to learn that the basic rule (Michael Harris Bond, op cit, p. 83) is: ‘Honour the hierarchy first, your vision of the truth second.’

Since the Tiananmen incident (of 1989), however, there is less reserve amongst younger Chinese to challenge authority – such as described in the foregoing case study.

Social hierarchy

When discussing jobs and careers – ‘safe’ subjects, as mentioned below – do not be surprised by an apparently ‘inverted’ social hierarchy (in Western terms) left over from Maoism.

TABOO SUBJECTS

What constitutes a taboo may depend on the relationship that you and your Chinese counterparts enjoy. If in doubt, as at all other times when dealing with the Chinese, take your lead from them.

Meanwhile, I suggest the following guidelines.

Chinese politics

Do not criticise Chinese government leaders or policies (past or present), which may offend some Chinese – even if they criticise them to you.

Indeed, it is probably better not to discuss Chinese politics at all, since your interlocutors may:

• fear getting into trouble if overheard and reported to a local CPC official
• have been asked by that official to vet your political soundness.

Not until you have been in China long enough to know for certain what you can say to those whom you can really trust should you deviate from this advice.

Meanwhile, besides those mentioned above, you should also avoid those areas of Chinese politics that the West openly challenges, such as: human rights, Tibet, Taiwan, and the treatment of so-called ‘dissenters’ (e.g. Falun Gong).

Otherwise, you may well find that not only you but also your associates – through ‘face by proxy’ (mentioned above) – are ‘persona non grata’ in Chinese business circles.

Sensitive subjects

I recommend the following guidelines for dealing with sensitive subjects:

• Foreign politics, that is: of other countries.
  The Chinese tend to refrain from commenting on the politics of other countries – especially those in conflict – probably as a defence mechanism to deter foreigners from discussing Chinese politics.

Should you engage in a discussion on foreign politics, do not make jokes which the Chinese may find equally disrespectful as of about their own.

• Freedom whether of expression (including the media) or choice of job or abode.

• One child policy
  • Do not ask a Chinese person ‘Have you got children?’ – since, in my experience, even the most Westernised Chinese may find this question funny, and laugh in your face at your ignorance of the one-child policy.
  • Rather, ask if they have got ‘a child?’ or even ‘a son?’ – when you should be prepared for the Chinese to boast about a son, and lament over a daughter.
  • Above all: do not question the causes behind the disparity in the ratio of boys to girls.
• Sex, drugs and crime Chinese justice is swift and severe – for example: reputedly, more people are executed in China (including for drug-related crime) than the rest of the world put together, a fact of which they may not be proud and certainly will not wish to be reminded.
• Spiritual matters such as religion and the supernatural.
  • Do not preach your beliefs or invite the Chinese to your place of worship, both of which are illegal in China.
  • Nevertheless, you may mention your beliefs ‘en passant’, and visit a Chinese place of worship.

It was, therefore, a frustration for some members of the foreign Christian community in Beijing when – in 1998 – the then visiting US President chose to attend a Chinese church rather than one of the English-speaking international churches.

• Superstitions

Unlike other commentators, I found little evidence of belief in superstitions in urban business circles beyond those traditionally associated with exchanging gifts, described in Chapter 4. The only exception was my middle-aged Chinese No 2, from Hong Kong, who applied his knowledge of Feng Shui to office layouts.

Safe subjects

As elsewhere in the world, subjects safe to discuss with the Chinese include (in alphabetical order):

• books (non-political), clothes, cooking, customs and traditions, entertainment (TV, films, music), family, festivals and holidays, folk-arts, home-town, grandchildren, hobbies (especially stamp collecting), jobs and careers, landscapes, music, sport, tourist attractions, weather.

Missing from this list are pets, which are favoured by Westerners but urban Chinese tend not to have.

On the other hand, however, the Chinese have no qualms about asking such personal questions as: ‘How much do you earn? How old are you? Why are you unmarried? Don’t you have a child?’ If you are embarrassed, follow their example, mentioned below, of using humour to find a mutually face-saving way out of not answering, such as: ‘Not enough! Stopped counting! Still looking! Got my hands full already!’, respectively. On no account should you react in any way that suggests that they have committed a cultural gaffe, since this would cause them a loss of ‘face’.

FORMS OF ADDRESS

Addressing Chinese with sufficient respect (which you can never overdo) is a complicated matter, on which you should seek guidance from – say – your Chinese advisor before meeting someone new.

Meanwhile, I recommend these guidelines for addressing the Chinese:

• 1.Find out how to address someone before you meet them for the first time.
• 2.Chinese are rarely addressed by their first names, except by family or intimate long-time friends (and sometimes close colleagues – for example: in a foreign company in China). To do so may imply that you not only have known the person since a child but also still remember them as such. Otherwise, it may be misconstrued as treating them like a child and, hence, a lack of respect.
• 3.Address a Chinese person by their surname (which comes first – as in: Jiang Zemin) preceded by a:
  • title like ‘Mister’, ‘Madam’
  • rank like ‘Director’, ‘Minister’.
• 4.Alternatively, you may just address someone by their rank; as elsewhere, dropping the ‘vice’ or ‘deputy’ prefix, thus giving them ‘face’.
• 5.At subsequent meetings, you may precede a man’s surname with the word:
  • xiao (’young’) – if under 40 or much younger than you
  • -lao (‘old’) – if over 40 or several years older than you.
• 6.The Chinese may reciprocate by addressing foreigners by their surname followed by xiansheng (‘Mister’) or nöshi (‘Madam’).
• 7.The most respectful way to address a man is by his surname followed by lao, equivalent to ‘venerable’ – for example: Jiang lao.
• 8.The most deferential way to address anyone is in the third person, rather than as ‘you’ – for example: ‘What does the Professor think?’
• 9.Say ni hao? (‘how are you?’) or, more politely, nin hao? (where nin is equivalent to the French ‘vous’).
• 10.Limit physical greetings to brief single handshakes – avoid kissing, back-slapping or bear-hugging.

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

In addition to the relevant examples and case studies included elsewhere in this book, in order not to offend the Chinese you should observe these guidelines for non-verbal communication:

• Body language
  • always maintain proper posture
  • never (for example): slouch in easy chairs, rest your feet on a table or even shrug your shoulders
  • always use your hands to point to or manipulate something
  • never use any other part of your body (such as your feet) to point to or manipulate something
  • always signal someone by extending your hand, palm downwards, and waving it up and down
  • never point at anybody.
• Eye contact and staring
  • do not take offence if the Chinese avoid your gaze, which is how they deal with shyness or embarrassment and which you should not mistake for insincerity
  • similarly, do not overdo your eye contact with the Chinese, as they may misinterpret your behaviour as threatening or aggressive
  • conversely, do not take offence if the Chinese stare at you: normally (but not always) they mean no harm nor disrespect.
• Laughter
  • do not take offence if the Chinese react to your mishaps by laughing, which is how they hide discomfort and which you should not mistake for amusement.
• Nods and grunts The Chinese often signal their interlocutors with nods or verbal interjections to show they are following and understand what is being said
  • do not interpret such signals as necessarily indicating agreement.
• Physical contact
  • do not touch Chinese strangers of the opposite sex, or advanced age or high rank beyond shaking hands
  • do not indulge in any public display of affection with Chinese or foreign friends of the opposite sex beyond holding hands
  • do not take offence at light physical contact by a Chinese person of the same sex (e.g. guiding you through a door).
• Silence The Chinese are more comfortable than Westerners with silence, which they:
  • consider a virtue
  • use as sign of polite attention meaning ‘please carry on speaking’
  • exploit as a ploy to ferret out information (by making you say anything just to break the silence). Moreover: what the Chinese do not say can be as important as what they do.
• Smiling
  • do not take offence if the Chinese fail to smile when meeting you, which is due to being conditioned to control their feelings in public, as explained below. You should not mistake this for annoyance or unfriendliness.
  • nevertheless, do not assume that a smile is always a sign of friendliness, since it could be a decoy for embarrassment or anger.

GENERAL BEHAVIOUR

In addition to the relevant examples and case studies included elsewhere in this book, in order not to offend the Chinese you should observe these guidelines for general behaviour:

• Emotions In accordance with Confucius’ teaching, the Chinese are conditioned to control their emotions to such an extent that Westerners consider them inscrutable – for which reason, you too should:
  • never give way to your emotions and feelings, or otherwise behave in too carefree a manner, in public
  • always respect the Confucian value of harmony
  • never, but never lose your temper. However: you may say how you feel in an objective and firm but fair and friendly manner.
• Formality Do not take offence if, in the early stages of a new relationship, the Chinese treat you very formally, which is their way of showing respect for hierarchy, explained above, and which you should not mistake for a lack of warmth or friendliness. However: as the relationship develops, the Chinese will ‘loosen up’ gradually.

POSTSCRIPT

After visiting China (in 1979), Carl Rogers – the eminent psychotherapist – came to the conclusion that the Chinese discount personal feelings and emotions (Groups in Two Cultures in Personnel and Guidance Journal, No 58, 1979):

‘I came away with the feeling that the Chinese people are somehow fundamentally different, that their reactions are not the same as ours. I despaired of really perceiving the world as it appears to a Chinese person. I hypothesized that with their lack of introspection they were truly unaware of their experiencing. Of course they experience fright, or anger at times, or love, but they seemed astonishingly unaware of having these feelings.’

(Quoted by Nancy Bragard in Self-Disclosure as a therapeutic technique in Eastern and Western cultures.)

What a challenge to the foreigner wishing to work more effectively with the Chinese! Hopefully, this book may help you better understand, anticipate and deal with such reactions and feelings.

APPLICATION

The following behaviours are specifically referred to again in subsequent chapters, as follows:

Topic	See chapter
Building guanxi	10
Business hierarchy	5, 6, 10
Changing your mind	10
Chinese politics	9
Collectivism	4, 5, 10
Conflict management	5, 10
Connections (guanxi)	4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Consensus	5, 6, 8, 10
Dead men’s shoes	10
Deferring to authority	10
Disciplining staff	10
Exercising authority	10
’Face’ (mianzi)	2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10
‘Face’ by proxy	10
Forms of address	6
Forms of guanxi	4
General behaviour	5,6,7
General behaviour: emotions	5
Giving ‘face’	5, 10
Harmony	10
Hierarchism	10
Laobanism	10
Levels of guanxi	5
Losing and saving ‘face’1	5, 10
Making mistakes	5, 10
Modesty and humility (keqi)	2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10
Non-verbal communication	5,6
Practice of guanxi	5, 10
Saying ‘no’	5,6
Ritual behaviour	5
Taboo subjects	7
Whose ‘face’ is it anyway?	10