BIRTHS, MARRIAGES AND DEATHS

Although these are not leisure activities, it is appropriate to know a few of the social customs of the hatched, matched and despatched ‘business’ which still thrives in republican France so that you do not make any blunders. Obviously there is no Court Circular page in French newspapers, but both Le Figaro and Le Monde carry social announcements, as well as Liberation to a lesser extent. The choice of paper depends entirely on the class pretensions and politics of those concerned.

Births

Births (naissances) are often announced not only by cards but also by a small advertisement in one of the papers named above. Typically, a birth announcement will be roughly translated as, ‘Marie and Pierre are pleased to announce the arrival of their new sister Jeanne’ followed by the name and address of the parents.

Infant baptisms are heavily on the decline in France. For Catholic families, they normally take place during the Parish Mass on Sunday mornings, and will be followed by a family lunch. Coloured sugared almonds (dragees) are often distributed, pink for girls and blue for boys.

Marriages

No religious wedding ceremony may take place in France until a civil marriage has first been performed by the mayor at the town hall. This applies to all religions and denominations. If a large religious ceremony is to follow, then normally only close family and friends will attend the wedding at the mairie. However, many people choose to stick to civil marriage. Being invited to be a témoin (witness) is an honour equivalent to being a bridesmaid or usher.

Wedding lists are very popular in France, and are an easy way of dealing with the problem of presents. The style of the wedding is of course entirely personal to the couple, and may range from the unusual to the strictly traditional. A traditional Catholic wedding will normally take place in the course of a Nuptial Mass in the bride’s home parish.

As with British weddings, French weddings can be the occasion for a great show of finery. As ever in France, be careful to find out as much about the dress code expected as possible. The wedding invitation may well read like a genealogy of the couple, with grandparents and parents of both sides listed.

The car procession from the church or mairie to the reception is often the occasion for a fanfare of car horns. The French tradition in wedding receptions is the opposite of the British. Everybody is invited after the wedding to the vin d'honneur, to toast the couple’s health and happiness. However after that the reception is limited, ranging from a seated dinner (dîner placée), to a soiree dansante (dance).

Deaths

Generally you will receive a faire-part (card announcing a death), including the same genealogical list as you would find on a wedding invitation, only longer. For instance, a faire-part announcing the death of a grandmother would begin with her spouse, include any surviving brothers and sisters and their spouses, and then move on to mention each child and their children, sometimes each by name.

The French are very attached to the tradition of writing to express condolence. The faire-part will announce when and where the funeral is to take place, if donations should be made in place of flowers or wreathes (ni fleurs ni couronnes), and whether it is a ‘family only’ affair (dans la plus stricte intimité).

At a French Requiem Mass, each mourner will be invited to take part in the ritual absolution of the coffin, the absolut, as a final farewell. This is not obligatory if it contradicts your own faith. If you do wish to participate, move at the instruction of the undertaker, and then ‘follow the leader'. Burial is still much the most common end for French men and women, and cremations are rare.