You impress folks that little bit more with what you’re saying if you say it nicely. People don’t hear your ideas if you just stand there shouting out the words.
Lord Gormley

You’ve reached the point at which you’re about to have that first meeting with your brilliant business contact. It’s a milestone in the relationship-building process and your communications skills will be tested to the limit.

Face-to-face meetings can result in awkward pauses and initial shyness for those who are not brimming with confidence. To help you over this hurdle, you can approach the meeting fully prepared and well armed if you have a look at the following factors.

In order to get your message across, think about what you are trying to achieve during the dialogue:

• What information do you wish to convey?
• What do you want the other person to do as a result?

Organise yourself beforehand. Jot down notes about your major points. Be positive and keep the message simple.

CLARITY IS PARAMOUNT

What is communication? In short, it’s signalling. The transmission, by speaking, writing or gestures, of information which evokes understanding.

That’s simple enough, isn’t it? Straightforward in theory but in practice it’s fraught with dangers – particularly if you have high expectations from these important business connections.

Communication is not just speaking, writing or gesticulating. It’s more than the transmission of information. Something else has to occur for the communication to be complete. The other party in the communication process has to engage their brain and receive the message.

When dealing with business relationships, it’s quite complex. There are plenty of opportunities for misunderstanding and miscommunication.

The previous chapter dealt with the importance of making a good first impression – how appearance and body language can make or break the initial few seconds of an initial encounter, but what happens when you open your mouth?

If you manage to insert both feet with speed and agility, you will undo in an instant all the hard work that went before! If you’re nervous, don’t be surprised if words come out which you seemingly have no ability to control. A conversation can go seriously wrong before you’ve had time to sit down.

There are some points to remember when considering the various methods of communication and some hazards to be aware of when dealing with business relationships:

• Only 7% of the impact you make comes from the words you speak.
• The rest is visual – your appearance, the sound of your voice and your body language.
• You can break that 7% further down into sections:

If you want to make a favourable impression on your business contact, consider the words, ideas and structure of the message you wish to convey. Keep it simple if you possibly can. Always aim for clarity over ambiguity.

• Commonly-used words, in short direct sentences, have the greatest impact and allow the least margin for error or misinterpretation.
• Long words wrapped in complex sentences are confusing and best avoided. Don’t use jargon either.
• Positive statements are far more acceptable and will gain you greater advantage than negatively expressed remarks.

VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS

Pay attention to your voice. Tone, inflection, volume and pitch are all areas to consider. Most people don’t need to develop their speaking voice, but there are many who do not understand how to use it effectively.

The simplest way is to compare the voice to a piece of music – it is the voice that is the instrument of interpretation of the spoken word.

Those who have had some training in public speaking sometimes use mnemonics as memory joggers for optimum vocal effect. One simple example is R S V P P P:

• Rhythm
• Speed
• Voice
• Pitch
• Pause
• Projection.

Rhythm

Speaking without variety of tone can anaesthetise your listener. Try raising and lowering the voice to bring vocal sound to life and keep your audience awake! Rhythm is directly linked with speed.

Speed

Speed variation is connected to the vocal rhythm. Varying speed makes for interested listeners and helps them maintain concentration. If you’re recounting a story, speed helps to add excitement to the tale, but the speed of delivery should be matched with the volume you’re speaking at.

Volume

The level of volume obviously depends on where the conversation is taking place. It would be inappropriate to be loud when speaking in a one-to-one situation. However, you’d probably need to increase it if you were talking in a crowded venue, such as a business reception or work area. Volume is used mainly for emphasis and to command attention – lowering your voice can add authority when telling an interesting story or giving advice.

Pitch

Pitching your voice is something public speakers do. They are trained to ‘throw’ their voices so they can deliver their speech clearly to their audience in whatever size or shape of room they’re speaking in. In general, it’s irritating to any listener if they have to strain to hear what the speaker is saying.

In normal conversations where you need to be heard clearly (for example, in restaurants where there is continual background noise as well as the hubbub of other voices), it’s impossible to pitch your voice if you hardly open your mouth to let the words out. Correct use of mouth, jaw and lip muscles will produce properly accentuated words and assist with clear enunciation. Pay attention to these facial muscles otherwise your voice will be just a dull monotone.

Pause

Practise the pause. It can be the most effective use of your voice though it is often ignored. A pause should last about four seconds. It sounds like an eternity perhaps but anything shorter will go unnoticed by your listener. You can use the time to maintain good eye contact. The effect can be dynamite.

Remember the ‘er’ count. Filling spaces in conversation with props such as ‘ers’, ‘urns’ or ‘you knows’ where there should be pauses are clear signs of nervousness and should be avoided.

Projection

This encompasses everything about the way you come across: power, personality, weight, authority, and expertise – what some people call ‘clout’. You want to build some long-lasting powerful business connections, so it pays to have some ‘gravitas’ in your dealings with people. Projection is an art which can be practised, but you can learn so much from listening to experienced communicators – they have it in spades!

REVIEWING YOUR VOCAL SKILLS

If possible, get a colleague or a friend to give you feedback on your voice and mannerisms. Unless you get an accurate appraisal, you could be spoiling your chances of successful business exchanges. With practice you’ll be surprised how quickly some of these traits can be eradicated. Once you’ve eliminated them and developed some of the skills suggested here, the improvement in your style of conversation and self-confidence when meeting people will be remarkable.

Remember, your voice is an instrument – just like your body. It is also, like your body, very flexible. You know the expression ‘It’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it’? That couldn’t be more true.

• Be clear – use simple, easily understood words and phrases.
• Be loud enough for your listener to hear you.
• Be assertive – a bright and confident tone will inject interest into anything you’re saying.
• Do stop for breath – it’s essential to let your listener digest what you’ve said – and to have the opportunity to respond!

To help you build your brilliant business connections you need polished communication skills. If you can harness these to your other attributes, you will be well on the way to making these relationships rewarding and profitable.

FACE-TO-FACE ENCOUNTERS

The key to success is to get onto your business contact’s wavelength as soon as possible. By putting yourself in his shoes you’ll demonstrate your ability to empathise with him. He’ll find communicating with you easy and will show positive responses.

One of the most important aspects of communicating is to develop good listening skills. By listening you will pick up quickly on the areas of common ground between you.

Good listening avoids misunderstandings and the errors that result from them. The behaviour of a good listener is as follows:

• A person who is listening attentively keeps a comfortable level of eye contact and has an open and relaxed but alert pose. You should face the speaker and respond to what he is saying with appropriate facial expressions, offering encouragement with a nod or a smile.
• Adopting the behaviour of a good listener will help you establish good rapport with your business contact. It requires a degree of self-discipline and a genuine desire to take on board the message the speaker is trying to convey. You need to be able to suspend judgement and avoid contradicting or interrupting him. Postpone saying your bit until you are sure he has finished and you have understood his point.
• Reflecting and summarising – repeating back a key word or phrase the speaker has used – shows you have listened and understood. Summarising gives the speaker a chance to add to or amend your understanding. Your business contact is far more likely to listen to you if you have let him know that you have heard what he said by using the tactics of reflecting and summarising.

You should avoid:

• thinking up clever counter-arguments before he has finished making his point
• interrupting unnecessarily or reacting emotionally to anything that is said
• if the subject becomes dull or complex, registering your disinterest by succumbing to distractions or fidgeting.

THE FIVE LEVELS OF LISTENING SKILLS

There are five levels of listening skills and it pays to remember them.

The first and worst level is ignoring the speaker. You look away, avoid eye contact and do something else altogether. (I get this sort of reaction from my family much of the time! The lights are on but nobody’s there.) This is dreadful in a business context. Your hard-earned business contact will never give you the time of day again if you commit this cardinal sin.

The second level, which is almost as bad, is to pretend to listen. In some ways this can be quite dangerous. If you’re nodding your head, and saying ‘mmm, yes, aha’ when you actually have no idea what’s being said, you could be in for a nasty shock. Don’t be surprised if you hear your business contact saying, ‘So you’ll run in the London Marathon next year on behalf of my favourite charity – how wonderful!’ – you deserved that!

The third-level listening skill is being selective. You may well find yourself listening for key words that are of importance, such as ‘business opportunities’, ‘budgets’ or ‘new suppliers’. The result is that you’ll miss the main content of the exchange. Your contact could have been telling you that there are no openings for business until the end of the next financial year.

If you can develop the fourth-level skill, you’re doing well. This is called being attentive. You are focused, with positive body language, leaning forward, nodding your head appropriately and maintaining eye contact. Your business contact knows you’re paying attention and this creates an atmosphere where he’ll want to share valuable information and engage in serious dialogue.

The final level is being empathetic. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s place and see things from their perspective. This takes time to achieve but it will knock the socks off anyone once you have reached it. It is the art of being able to identify mentally and emotionally with your communicator, fully comprehending the tones, pitch, body language and other subtle messages your contact is conveying.

It is totally exhausting to do this for any length of time but it will take your business relationship to a much higher level rapidly. You will have included each other in the closest of possible personal networks (sometimes called a virtual team). He will consider you one of his first ports of call when information gathering or project awarding is required, and you’ll willingly reciprocate.

DIRECTING THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE

Can you recall a time when you’ve been chatting to a work colleague, or a friend, and you’ve looked at your watch and said ‘Wow, is that the time? I must have been talking to you for ages.’? This usually happens when the two people concerned are giving each other space in their conversation. There is a feeling of ease, ideas are being passed to and fro, and a natural exchange develops. It’s a bit like having a conversational game of table tennis. This is called rapport.

If you can begin to build rapport with your business connections you will be making great progress in establishing the relationship you want and your exchanges will become frequent and more valuable. You’re attempting to establish the balance of listening and talking.

There are times when you’ll want to find out more information. It’s easy to ask too many questions and fall into a sort of ‘Spanish Inquisition’ situation. Conversely when responding to a question you can give away too much information. If you’re on the receiving end of this from your business contact, the relationship may not make much progress. No one likes to feel they are being ‘pumped’ for information. It’s infuriating and insulting and you’ll want to distance yourself as quickly as possible.

IDENTIFYING A COMMON LANGUAGE

Only one person at a time can truly direct a conversation. One leads and the other tends to follow. This doesn’t mean there is no give and take. Neither does it mean that the other party is subservient. But one of the parties should lead and there is merit in you being the one that does so. Your objective after all is to build a proactive business relationship with rewards for both sides.

Opening rituals

At the start of a meeting, there are usually some general opening remarks, possibly about the weather or the state of the traffic or where to park. This sort of opening ritual is customary and should take no longer than a few minutes at the outset of proceedings. Watch for the moment when the chattiness should cease because if you have no real plan, your contact may lead you off into uncharted waters and you’ll find yourself heading in the wrong direction.

Someone usually starts off by saying, ‘Right, shall we move on? Can you tell me ...’ That person should be you. If you don’t seize the opportunity to take control at this point in your exchange, you may have lost the initiative for the rest of the meeting.

You might consider going into the meeting with a short agenda. If this isn’t written down, it should at least be in your head. It could be little more than a few helpful suggestions. Perhaps you’ve already aired the topics for discussion in a telephone call beforehand. There is no rule here, but whatever has been agreed it does at least mean that the exchange proceeds along some agreed lines.

It also provides an element of control during the dialogue if the conversation meanders into other areas. You could refer back to your brief by saying something like, ‘we were going to discuss X next...’ and then move on smoothly to the next stage.

The early part of any meeting is a key stage for your confidence; you’ll feel and operate better if you get off to a planned start and you’ll be able to maintain better control and direct the rest of the exchange.

GOOD CONVERSATIONAL TECHNIQUES

To develop a balanced style of communication, try to begin the conversation by introducing yourself and giving some personal information. This is called the inform stage.

Once you’ve given some information, ask a direct question of your business contact. This is called the invite stage.

Then wait for his response.

On receiving this, listen to every word!

Then acknowledge and, if necessary, repeat the essence of their response.

If you achieve this cycle of communication you can repeat it many times over during the encounter to establish a good rapport between you both. It should make the time pass effortlessly and harmoniously and make your business relationship a pleasant experience.

Business relationship-building has similarities to the dating process. You are attempting to get closer to your prospect by developing the art of good conversation, so pay attention to the importance of eye contact. This has been covered in the previous chapter, but it is so important it is worth recapping here.

Appropriate eye contact at all times in the business exchange is essential. If, while you are talking, you notice that your contact is looking at you with an interested expression, nodding occasionally and smiling at the right times with an alert and open posture, you’re holding his attention and doing everything right.

THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR

Should your business contact appear to be falling asleep during one of your conversational gambits, it could mean that:

• he’s had a late night
• he’s had an early start
• he’s suffering from jet lag
• the atmosphere in the room is too stuffy
• your dialogue is rather boring.

Don’t wait until his head falls forward and hits the desk. If you fail to notice until you hear the crash, you’re definitely talking too much!

Keep an eye out too for fidgeting, this could indicate that:

• you’ve lost his attention
• he wants a break
• he’s irritated by something you’ve said
• he finds the conversation irrelevant.

Whatever the reason, it’s time to shut up. Close your mouth without delay and smile. Hopefully with a bit of silence you can retrieve a relationship that may have got off to a rather inauspicious start.

When your business contact starts shaking his head, this could mean:

• he wants to say something
• he doesn’t agree with you
• he simply hasn’t a clue what you’re waffling on about.

Again, it’s time to bring your remarks to a swift close.

If you think you’ve lost his attention completely and he’s turned off, try to regain it by asking him a pertinent question. Re-establish eye contact and vary the volume or expression in your voice.

OTHER FORMS OF ORAL COMMUNICATION

Telephone calls

These can be difficult to deal with and can often cause trouble between parties who do not know each other all that well.

First, because you can’t see each other face-to-face, you have to rely on tone of voice. This can be deceptive. He may sound uninterested because he’s talking in a low voice. It may be something as simple as the fact that he’s got a sore throat, or he’s trying to avoid the rest of the office hearing his conversation.

It’s essential to pay attention when your new business contact calls. If he’s on a mobile, you may well get a distortion due to background noise, traffic, airport announcements or similar. If possible take the phone call in a private place so as to avoid even more noise coming from your end of the phone.

Voicemail messages

There’s an art to leaving successful voicemail messages. It’s simply this: be clear and be concise.

Don’t speak too fast. If you are leaving your telephone number, slow down. Speak slowly while recording the information.

If the message you leave is either gabbled or garbled, it will be impossible for any one to return your call. It helps to leave a date and time when you record your message, so that your contact can respond quickly if time is critical.

WRITTEN COMMUNICATION

The main point about written communication is that whatever form it takes, the recipient cannot see you or hear you. Your contact has no option but to accept what they read. You should pay particular attention to wording and expressions because if it is at all ambiguous, it is liable to be misinterpreted.

Letters

When handwriting letters put yourself in the position of your recipient. Write neatly and clearly and make sure your spelling is correct. It helps to use a decent pen and good quality paper. Impressions count, remember!

With a personal thank you note, use your contact’s business address because it is after all a business relationship, even though you are thanking him for inviting you to a social occasion. Keep your message simple and make it easy to read. Layout is important. Avoid innuendo, sarcasm and doubles entendres.

Electronic mail

Much has been written about email etiquette because this is such a popular and efficient form of communication.

If you wish to email to your business contact, check which address is the most appropriate. There may be confidentiality issues – particularly if your exchanges have something to do with career progression – and a personal email address may be more appropriate.

If he says it’s okay to email to his business address, do be circumspect. Emails may not always reach the recipient directly. Some people have staff who scan emails before forwarding on to the main addressee. Consider the likelihood that your email is going to be read by someone else, so be extra careful. Any references to personal habits (his, yours or other people’s) can be so rapidly transmitted around the world by an enthusiastic prankster.

On a more practical level, email is not the medium for rambling on and on about a project dear to your heart. Keep email communication clear and short. It’s no substitute for face-to-face contact, but it does allow for a fast exchange of information, particularly when confirming meetings or referring to matters just discussed.

Text messages

This is the perfect form of communication for quick exchanges of information.

One word of warning on this one – don’t use confusing abbreviations. A colleague of mine received the following message – CU 7.30. Did that mean ‘See you at 7.30pm’ or ‘Curtain Up at 7.30pm’? She interpreted it as the former and missed the play!

COMMUNICATION SKILLS AWARENESS CHECKLIST

Presence – Pay attention to the way your voice and body language are used in conjunction with the words you speak. You can convey the right impression if they are used correctly.

Relating – Don’t underestimate the importance of developing your rapport-building skills to get on the same wavelength as your business prospect.

Questioning – When engaged in conversation with your contact, make sure you match your question to the situation or subject. Beware asking irrelevant questions – this will show that you’ve not paid attention to what he has said.

Listening – Listen to everything he says attentively. Try to reach at least Level Four. If he’s likely to become a significant influence in your business development strategy you should aim for achieving Level Five eventually.

Checking – The art of glancing at your business contact to see that he’s still on your wavelength while you’re engaged in dialogue. Watch for gestures and see whether he does the same when he’s talking to you.