DEALING WITH CONCERNS

One of the challenges I mentioned earlier was about how to deal with your team members, concerns. When you spend time with your people then it’s inevitable that that you’ll hear about their concerns and problems. These could be on a human level. However, they’re more likely to be on a business level. Whether it’s a human or a business problem, the same rules apply. You’re now thinking, ‘I thought we weren’t to use the word “problem”.’ We use the word ‘challenge’, never ‘problem’, when talking to a team member or a customer. Our team members are our internal customers and we deal with their issues in exactly the same way we’d deal with external customers.

We are going to look much closer at problem solving in Chapter 8. However, for the moment let’s look at how you can deal with concerns as you spend time with members of your team.

Fourteen steps for success in dealing with concerns

1. Don’t get hooked

Remember the first Factor of Success – Mind Control. Don’t react to a concern. It’s very easy to react with, ‘Here we go again, the same old moans and groans. They’re always on about this and there’s nothing I can do.’ If you react this way, then it’ll show on your face and in your tone of voice. The team member then thinks, ‘What’s the point? He’s not interested in my problems. Why should I bother?’

Get into ‘thinking mode’ and stay out of it emotionally. Concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively. If the team member makes disparaging and emotional remarks – don’t rise to the bait.

2. Listen – listen – listen

Look and sound like you’re listening. When face to face you need to look interested, nod your head and keep good eye contact. Over the phone you need to make the occasional ‘Uh-huh – I see.’

I’ve seen managers, when faced with a problem from a team member, start to do something else, like work on the computer. I’ve heard managers say, ‘It’s okay, I can do two things at once, I can listen to you and work on the computer.’ Maybe you can, but the message your team member gets is, ‘My problem isn’t that important, my manager just isn’t interested.’

When you’re spending time with your people you need to give them your full attention. You need to look them in the eye, concentrate on them and make them feel that what they say is important and deserves your attention.

3. Write it down

As well as looking interested in your team member’s concern, it’s a good idea to write it down. I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking, ‘I’ll remember that when I get back to the office and I’ll check on it.’ However, one person I was with said, ‘You won’t do anything about that Alan because you won’t remember it.’ From that point on I wrote things down.

4. Repeat back

It’s also a good idea to paraphrase what the team member has said to ensure your understanding and let them know you’ve been listening.

5. Use names

It may seem like a simple thing but it’s very important. You could say in response to a concern, ‘I’ll speak to the accounts department about that.’ It would be far better to say, ‘I’ll speak to the accounts department about that Susan, thank you for bringing it to my attention.’ That’s a much better way for a Motivational Manager to respond.

A person’s name is one of the warmest sounds they ever hear. Hearing it says, ‘I recognise you as an individual.’ However, I suggest you don’t overdo it as it may come across as patronising.

6. Take ownership

As I said earlier, this is the same as dealing with an external customer. Your team members do not want to hear you say, ‘That’s nothing to do with me, that’s the sales department’s fault.’ Do not blame someone or something else. It may be the responsibility of the sales department but it needs to be explained in a logical and factual way.

7. Watch out for people’s egos

If your team member is really wound up about something, let them get it off their chest. Don’t interrupt and don’t argue. Don’t jump in with solutions and try to solve the problem there and then. And for goodness sake, don’t say, ‘Calm down.’

8. See it from their point of view

You might find it hard to understand what they’re on about. However, put yourself in their shoes. If you were doing their job every day, how would you feel? You might even think that their concern is something fairly trivial and think, ‘What’s the big deal? I’ll fix it right away.’ It is a big deal for the team member and they want you to appreciate it.

You don’t necessarily need to agree with them. However you do need to accept the fact that it’s a problem for them.

9. Be very aware of your body language and voice tone

As I mentioned earlier, we often exacerbate a situation without realising it. Our tone of voice and our body language can often contradict what we’re saying. We may be saying ‘sorry’ but our tone and our body language may be communicating our frustration and annoyance. People listen with their eyes and will set greater credence on how you say something rather than what you say.

It’s also important to use a warm tone of voice when dealing with a team member’s problem. This doesn’t mean being ‘nicey-nicey’ or behaving in a non-assertive manner. It’s about showing that you’re interested in what they’re saying and that you care.

10. Words to avoid

We’ve looked at how tone of voice and body language can cause problems to get worse. Using the wrong words can also cause problems. There are certain ‘trigger’ words that cause people to become more difficult, especially in emotionally charged situations, and they should be avoided. These include:

• Have to – as in ‘You’ll have to speak to the sales department yourself.’
• I can’t or You can’t – as in ‘I can’t do anything about that’ or ‘You can’t do that.’
• I’ll try – as in ‘I’ll try to speak to the finance department today.’
• But – as in ‘I agree with what you’re saying but. . .’
• Sorry – as in ‘I’m sorry about that.’

‘What do I say?’, I hear you cry.

Instead of ‘have to’, which are very controlling words, why not try ‘John, are you willing to. . .’ or just a straight ‘John, will you. . .’?

‘Can’t’ can be replaced with, ‘I’m unable to because. . .’.

‘I’ll try’, which is pretty wishy-washy, can be replaced with something more honest: ‘This is what I can do, Mary’ or ‘This is what I’m unable to do.’

‘But’ is a word that contradicts what was said before it. Replace it with ‘and’ or ‘however’ (which is a soft ‘but’). Instead of saying ‘but’ you could leave it out altogether. For example, instead of ‘I agree with what you’re saying but I cant help you’, use ‘I agree with what you’re saying. The reason I’m unable to help you is. . .’.

The answer to the team member could still be ‘no’. However, choosing your words more carefully will have a more positive effect on how he or she reacts and ultimately responds to you.

‘Sorry’ is one of the words to avoid because it is so overused and has lost its value. Think of the number of times you’ve complained or commented about something and you hear ‘Sorry about that.’ If you’re going to use the ‘sorry’ word then you need to use it as part of a whole sentence: ‘Susan, I’m sorry you’ve been receiving so many complaints.’

Sometimes it’s appropriate to use the word ‘apologise’ instead of ‘sorry.’ ‘Linda, I apologise for not getting you that information sooner.’

There are other things you can say instead of ‘sorry’. You can empathise.

11. Deal with their feelings, then deal with their problem

Using empathy is a very effective way of dealing with a person’s feelings. Empathy isn’t about agreement, only acceptance of what the team member is saying and feeling. Basically, the message is ‘I understand how you feel’. This really has to be a genuine response. The person will realise if you’re insincere and they’ll feel patronised.

Examples of empathy are – ‘Chris, I can understand that you’re angry’ or ‘I see what you mean.’ Again, these responses need to be genuine.

12. Build rapport

Sometimes it’s useful to add another phrase to the empathy response, including yourself in the picture: ‘I can understand how you feel Colin, I don’t like that either when it happens to me.’ This has the effect of getting on the team member’s side and builds rapport.

Some people get concerned when using this response. They believe it will lead to ‘Well why don’t you do something about it then?’ The majority of your team won’t respond this way if they realise that you are a reasonable and caring person. If they do, then continue empathising and tell the individual what you’ll do about the situation.

13. Under-promise – over-deliver

Whatever way you respond to a team member’s problem, do not make a rod for your own back. It’s often tempting in a difficult situation to make promises that are difficult to keep. We say things like, ‘I’ll get this sorted this afternoon Paul and I’ll phone you back.’ It may be extremely difficult to get it sorted ‘this afternoon’. Far better to say, ‘I’ll get this sorted by tomorrow afternoon Paul.’ Then phone Paul back the same afternoon or early the next morning and he’ll think you’re great.

14. You don’t win them all

Remember, everyone gets a little mad from time to time and you won’t always be able to placate or resolve your team member’s problem – there’s no magic formula. However, the majority of people are reasonable people (let’s face it – you picked them) and if you treat them as such, then they’re more likely to respond in a positive manner.

CONCLUSION

Spending quality time with your children, your wife, husband or partner is something you know you need to do if you want a happy and satisfying personal life. Spending quality time with your team members will give you a happy and satisfying business life.

When you spend time with your people, one of the most important things you can do is give them feedback. Let’s look at how to do it.