Checklist 1 Countdown to the Big Day

This checklist gives you an idea of what – and approximately when - things need to be done. The important thing is to pre-book as much as you can, as soon as you can ... and then regularly confirm that they have not forgotten you.

12 MONTHS TO GO

• Discuss wedding plans with the bride and groom (and chief bridesmaid). Tactfully establish who will be paying for what.
• Start saving towards the stag do and any other expenses you are likely to incur (clothes, gifts, travel, hotel).
• Who will be doing what? Find out precisely what your role will be. Make sure all the jobs are covered ... but not duplicated.
• Ask the bride and groom who you should contact ... and possibly who you should not.
• Try to meet – or at least phone – as many of the other attendants and family members as you can.
• Make a note of the date of the Big Day in a diary together with the venues for the ceremony and reception.
• Start thinking about your speech ... it's never too soon.
• Try to be available as much as you can in the week before the wedding ... if possible, take a few days off work.

9 MONTHS TO GO

• Attend the engagement party ... if there is one.
• Go with the bride and groom to meet the clergyman or registrar ... discuss arrangements. Check out parking and toilets.
• Go with the bride and groom to the venue for the reception. Yes ... check out parking and toilets. Is there anywhere the couple can change? If necessary, confirm that the place has a licence for booze and live music.
• Sort out the music for the reception. Will there be a DJ? If there's going to be a band, agree the complete programme, including the timing of any breaks. Themed weddings are becoming popular... problem is, you have to restrict yourself to the type of music linked with it. Don't pay the full fee in advance.
• Discuss wedding outfits with the bride and groom. Get in contact with suppliers and check the availability of clothes and accessories.
• Back to your speech ...
• Start thinking about the stag do (largely in conjunction with the groom ... but don't discuss any nocturnal add-ons).

6 MONTHS TO GO

• Confirm the approximate number of guests.
• Help the groom choose the ushers (usually one for every 20 guests). Make sure you are happy with his choice, then meet them and explain their duties.
• Remind the groom that he needs to arrange transport... and possibly a photographer/videographer.
• Arrange transport for the groom and you to the ceremony.
• Arrange transport to and from the reception ... and possibly from railway stations, etc.
• Arrange a going-away car for the bride and groom from the reception, if required.
• Keep working on your speech.

4 MONTHS TO GO

• Discuss wedding plans with the bride and groom in greater detail.
• Pass these details on to other members of the wedding party.
• Confirm transport arrangements have been sorted.
• Compile a list of close family members and friends who should have special seating arrangements at the ceremony ... let the ushers know.
• Don't forget your speech.
• Choose wedding outfits together.

3 MONTHS TO GO

• Buy a gift and card for the wedding couple.
• Advise the wedding couple to produce Order of Ceremony sheets and Wedding Day Schedules.
• Ask the bride's parents/guardians/carers to draw up a table plan for the reception. Will there be a toastmaster, or will you do the honours?
• Yes ... carry on working on your speech.
• Confirm all the arrangements for the stag do.

6 WEEKS TO GO

• Formally accept your invitation to the wedding.
• If possible, arrange for all the male attendants to get fitted on the same day.
• Start putting your speech together.

4 WEEKS TO GO

• Ask the bride about buttonholes.
• Rehearse your speech. Rework it, if necessary.
• Enjoy the stag do.

3 WEEKS TO GO

• Recover from the stag do.
• Meet the ushers and give them duty lists. Confirm they know what they will be doing ... and when they will be doing it.
• Check for roadworks, diversions, etc. taking place on the wedding day ... revise timings as necessary.
• Do a trial run to the ceremony and reception venues on the same day and the same times as you will on the Big Day.
• Confirm with the bride and groom who will be speaking at the reception and in what order.
• Rehearse your speech.
• Confirm that the groom has the wedding ring.

1 WEEK TO GO

• Check the bridegroom has all the necessary documents for the wedding and honeymoon ... double check passports and visas.
• Attend the wedding rehearsal. Sort out any last-minute problems. Confirm parking arrangements, whereabouts of toilets and best locations for photographs.
• Attend the rehearsal dinner – if there is one – and have a few words prepared, just in case.
• Liaise with the ushers on final arrangements.
• Collect Order of Ceremony sheets and Wedding Day Schedules from the bride. Give the Order of Ceremony sheets to the usher who will be handing them out. Give the Wedding Day Schedules to your fellow attendants. (Don't forget to keep one for yourself.)
• Confirm that all the travel arrangements are in place.
• Yes ... rehearse your speech.
• Make another trial run to the ceremony and reception venues.
• Make a note of details and availability of emergency taxi companies.
• Buy/collect decorations for the getaway car.
• Give the bride and groom their gift and card.
• Organise decorations for the going-away car.
• Time for a makeover?

1 DAY TO GO

• Charge up your mobile.
• Withdraw plenty of cash.
• Buy something ring-shaped and sized, just in case. Put it in your wallet.
• Collect messages from absent friends from the bride.
• Check that the groom has the ring ... and knows where it is.
• Go with the groom to collect hired clothing and accessories.
• Arrange the time you will arrive at the groom's place tomorrow (if you will be getting ready and leaving from there).
• Confirm arrangements for collecting buttonholes from the bride.
• Wash your car and fill it up if you are driving to the ceremony.
• Make sure any hired transport outfits haven't forgotten about you.
• Practise your speech.
• Put the phone numbers of (emergency) taxi firms in your wallet.
• Encourage the groom to have an early night.
• Pray.

Checklist 2 The Stag Do

If you work around the following key prompts, you won't go far wrong ...

• Allow plenty of time to get things organised.
• Have the do about a month before the main event.
• Know the score ... it's not just about you and the ushers ... the main man is the groom ... what sort of things does he want to do?
• Who will be invited ... and who will not?
• Consider the lads ... any special needs or health concerns?... any age or travel considerations?
• The bottom line. Let's talk cash... how much are we talking about here? Will stags also be paying for/contributing to the groom's costs?
• Location, location, location. Which factor(s) will help you choose yours ... recommendation, great deal, significance to the groom, convenience, accessibility, budget, activities, style (or lack of it)?
• Beware of clashes ... no, not stag weekend attire, but anything else important to the main players going on (footie, birthdays, anniversaries, public holidays?).
• Give it a theme ... anything you and the groom like, really. Hire or buy a couple of 80s or 90s CDs and maybe a stag-related DVD.
• Think about your prank (I said prank) ... something funny and original, but nothing (too) vindictive.
• Military precision. You may need to co-ordinate a lot of people ... demand commitment from fellow stags. Keep in touch with everyone during the build-up (through e-mail, mobile, etc.). Give them a contact number.
• Start collecting the dosh. If you don't show them who's boss, this could prove more testing than a Russian crossword. Keep comprehensive records and keep the pressure on the lads. If necessary, appoint a suitable (big) enforcement officer.
• Do your homework ... check out transport, activities, dress code, all necessary paperwork.
• Pre-book as much as you can.
• Don't lose it. Have fun ... but look after the groom (the original purpose of a best man) ... and yourself.
• Take photos and video clips, but later edit carefully. What goes on on tour stays on tour.
• Think about the morning after. Drink at least a pint of water and leave the window open before you crash out ... it helps.
• Keep her sweet ... your good lady was good enough to give you a weekend pass, so to avoid the Spanish Inquisition on your return, tell her how boring it was ... and bring her a gift... and not the stripper's G-string.

Checklist 3 The Big Day

The Big Day has arrived. Keep calm and follow these guidelines ...

BEFORE THE CEREMONY

• Make sure the condemned man is up (as it were).
• Get in contact with all the other main players to ensure there are no last-minute hitches before the happy couple get hitched.
• Check the ushers know their duties.
• Get to the groom's pad at the arranged time.
• Make sure the groom looks his best.
• Reassure him ... everything will be fine.
• Make sure he has packed (if they are going away today) and has all the necessary paperwork.
• Take care of the ring(s), including the spare one ... even a Hula Hoop will do. Don't keep the spare one in the same place as the real thing(s).
• Take plenty of cash and plastic.
• Take an emergency kit for the groom, just in case. Include a comb and a handkerchief.
• Final run-through of your speech. Don't forget to take the script with you.
• Time for a final drop of Dutch courage with the lads? ... and make sure it is no more than a drop.

AT THE CEREMONY

• Arrive about 20 minutes early ... don't forget to take the groom with you.
• Switch your mobile off.
• If possible, pay any outstanding fees before the main event.
• Stand to the groom's right in the front right pew.
• Hand over the ring, when prompted.
• Sign the register, if required.
• Leave the ceremony alongside the chief bridesmaid, immediately behind the groom's father (or guardian) and the bride's mother (or guardian).
• Help co-ordinate the photo session.
• Announce that it is time to move on to the reception.
• Escort the bride and groom to the car.

AT THE RECEPTION

• Join the receiving line, if the happy couple want you to ... and if they have one.
• Mingle and make sure everyone is offered a drink.
• Guide people to their seats.
• Make sure the music men (and women) know what and when to play.
• Do the MC-ing, if required.
• Think about something topical you can add to your speech.
• Deliver your speech and read messages from absent friends.
• Propose a toast to the happy couple.
• Invite the chief bridesmaid to dance and then join the bride and groom on the dance floor.
• Look after the pressies.
• Decorate the going-away car... if the bride and groom are going away today.
• Bag a bridesmaid (an optional extra).

FINAL DUTIES

• Return any hired suits and accessories.
• Keep an eye on the couple's place(s) while they are away.
• Take this book back to the library ... or sell it on e-bay.
• Emigrate if you've cocked it up.

Checklist 4 Your Speech

You will probably need to read Part Two of the book before this checklist makes complete sense to you. However, it seems sensible to keep all these prompt sheets together, so here we go ...

ONCE YOU HAVE ACCEPTED THE ROLE

• Start thinking about what you could include in your speech (and what you must definitely leave out).
• Remember the ground rules: aim to make it funny, uplifting, inclusive, personal, relevant and original. It should include a character attack on the groom ... but it should also be a tribute to the newlyweds. It should also be short (10 minutes max).
• Jot down your ideas for potential material in a notebook.
• Make up an original, relevant (and hopefully funny) final message to read out after the genuine ones.
• Plan a great opening and close ... and don't forget to thank the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids at the beginning ... and make a toast at the end.

6 WEEKS TO GO

• Start writing your script.
• Think about the best structure for your speech.
• Select your best/most relevant material and dump the rest.
• Don't be offensive or (c)rude.
• Link the speech together logically using link words and bridge lines.
• Speak your speech out loud. Does it work? Rework it until it does.
• Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.

THE BIG DAY

• Add one or two references to things that have gone on earlier in the day.
• Don't drink too much (before the speech, anyway).
• Don't put on an act ... be yourself made large.
• Be conversational ... be relaxed ... be heard.
• Enjoy yourself.