If you’re speaking in this role, it’s probable that this is a subsequent marriage for your parent at least, if not for both bride and groom. As you have been asked or have asked to speak at the wedding we can assume that there are few if any political issues regarding your parent’s new marriage and his/her new spouse. However whether we like it or not there is bound to be some ‘history’.

Here more than in any other circumstances, probably, you need to be very careful not to step on painful corns. No matter how civilised and adult everyone is within extended and step-families, there still will be sensitivities and this is one occasion when it really is unforgivable to mention anything that jars. Like I said earlier in this book, never forget whose wedding it is. It’s their day and no one has the right to spoil it, even by accident.

So what’s the answer? Our good old, loyal friend, positive thinking. Focus on all the positive aspects of your parent and your relationship with him/her. Even if your relationship with his/her new spouse isn’t all it could be, there are still positive things you can look at in him/her. (S/he obviously makes your parent happy, for starters.)

There are many variables here depending on how old you are, how old your parent and his/her new spouse are, and what the background is to the new marriage. As with speeches in any other role you’ll need to develop your speech content with these circumstances in mind. Let’s start by looking at some areas from which you can draw ideas for speech content.

CONTENT ‘IDEA TRIGGERS’

• Why we’re all here
  • Who I am (if not properly announced).
  • Daughter (niece, god-daughter perhaps?).
  • Here to say a few words about [my mother/father/the bridal couple].
  • Speaking on behalf of the [XXX] family?
• Your parent and your relationship with him/her
  • How honoured you were when [parent] asked you to speak today.
  • Your earliest memories of him/her and your relationship.
  • Funny stories about him/her from when you were a [baby/toddler/child/teenager] (not too rude!).
  • How much s/he means to you and the rest of your family.
  • Your parent’s qualities and achievements through his/her life (maybe five key qualities).
  • How proud you all are of him/her today and why.
• Your new step-parent and your relationship with him/her
  • How delighted you are to welcome [new spouse] into our family.
  • How we reacted when [parent] told us s/he and [spouse] were getting married.
  • How any grandchildren reacted.
  • How you came to meet [spouse].
  • What your relationship was then.
  • What you thought of each other then.
  • How your relationship has developed.
  • A couple of funny, entertaining, emotional etc. experiences you have shared.
  • [Spouse’s] qualities and achievements you admire most (maybe five key qualities).
  • Hope [parent] appreciates those.
  • How pleased we were to meet [spouse’s family].
  • How we’re looking forward to getting to know them better.
  • What [parent and spouse] share in terms of love, friendship, mutual interests.
  • What if any [joke] problems they might encounter (e.g. huge extended family, expensive at Christmas/Hannukah/etc).
  • How you see their future together.
• The lead up to the wedding
  • What your involvement has been in wedding preparations.
  • What the experience has been like. Any funny stories about the preparations?
  • How you and (parent) coped with stress, etc.
  • What sort of ‘hen night’ you organised (if bride is your mother!) (funny stories? Not too lurid).
• A poem, perhaps?
  • Poem about happy marriage/happy families.
  • Funny poem about marriage (not too negative).
  • Limerick.
  • Appreciation poem to your parent.
  • Appreciation poem to your parent and new spouse.
• Quotations
  • About marriage.
  • About true love. About friendship.
• Jokes potential
  • About yourself.
  • About parent (be careful not to offend, and avoid sensitive issues, previous history, etc!).
  • About the new spouse (be very careful not to offend, as above).
  • About marriage itself.
• Other events sharing the same date
  • Did you know that on this day in [year] [the following] happened?
• People to whom you might propose a toast:
  • Distant/absent friends and family.
  • The bride and groom.
  • Your joint families - yours and the new spouse’s.

YOUR STRUCTURE SKELETON

Here is a selection of raw material you can use, and the order in which you can present it, to help you create a structure for your speech. You probably won’t want to use it all, but instead will retain the ideas that work for you and edit out the ideas that don’t. Plus, you may want to customise it to suit your needs.

How to take it from there is described in detail in Chapter 2 – formulate a good structure and then talk it through to yourself – preferably on an audio-recording system which can then play back your ‘natural’ words and wording. Transcribe that, tidy it up, add a few gems like jokes, poetry, quotations if you want (see Part 3) and you’ve got yourself one powerful speech.

• Hello everyone and as you heard I am [parent’s] daughter.
• I’m so happy to be here, and to be speaking at this event.
• In fact I say that on behalf of the whole [parent’s] family.
• I was thrilled when [Mum/Dad] asked me to say a few words today.
• (If you’re married, perhaps make joke about how s/he wanted some advice about marriage.)
• Wasn’t always that way around.
• When I was little, s/he taught me so much.
• (Anecdotes from your childhood?)
• (A poem about parent/child relationship?)
• I grew up to admire [parent] for [qualities].
• A wonderful person and now s/he has found a wonderful partnership.
• We were all so delighted when [parent] met [spouse].
• (Funny story or joke about when they first met?)
• My children took to [him/her] immediately.
• I was thrilled to have a new babysitter.
• It took a while to get to know each other well.
• We really appreciate how happy [s/he] makes my [parent].
• [S/he] is (key qualities).
• [Mum/Dad], I hope you appreciate these things.
• We’ve really enjoyed meeting [spouse’s] family.
• Wondering if we should build an extension to our dining room as we’ll now be at least [XX] for family dinners.
• But what fun we will have.
• And at the heart of it this wonderful relationship between [Mum/Dad] and [spouse].
• Mind you, I’m surprised [spouse] is still even talking to [Mum/Dad] after the party we gave for [Mum/Dad’s] [stag/hen/night]. (Funny stories about that?)
• And things got a little stressed when (funny story about wedding preparations?)
• But everything was OK in the end.
• [Mum/Dad] and [spouse], I can’t say just how happy we are for you today.
• In fact it’s better expressed by this short poem by [poet] that I/ [whoever] wrote. (Read poem.)
• Thank you both for sharing this day with us all.
• (If you’re not toasting them) But I would also like to pay tribute to [whoever].
• (Why you want to pay tribute to them.)
• And may I now ask you to be upstanding and toast ... Ladies and Gentlemen, the [bride and groom, or whoever you’re toasting].