You’re a lucky girl in more ways than one! Not only are you the star of the day but also you have what amounts to carte blanche in terms of what you say in your speech particularly if all the obligatory points have been made by the traditional male speakers. However you will need to decide what you’re going to talk about at some point, and unless you are very good at impromptu speaking that should happen sooner rather than later.

The other thing you need to consider is that much as it’s ‘your day,’ you need to put your speech together bearing in mind not just your own interests, but also those of the people who will hear you.

Let’s have a look at areas of content you could contemplate, in no particular order.

CONTENT ‘IDEA TRIGGERS’

• Why we’re all here
  • This is the most wonderful day of my life.
  • I am so thrilled to see so many people I love here sharing the day with us.
  • Thank you so much for coming.
  • Thank you so much for your gifts.
• Distant friends and family (present)
  • It’s especially heart warming that [people] were prepared to travel all the way from [place].
  • I’m so glad they could be here to complete our family/group of friends.
  • I have such fond memories of the great times we’ve had together, especially on my trips out to see them in [place].
• Distant friends and family (absent)
  • It’s a great shame that [names] couldn’t be here today.
  • I know they’re thinking of us right now and I promised I’d have an extra drink for them. (Short anecdote about them? Joke about why they couldn’t come?)
• Distant friends and family (ill)
  • It’s a great shame that [name] couldn’t be here today due to ill health. (Possible explanation of ill health - e.g. accident, surgery, etc.)
  • I know they’re thinking of us right now and I promised I’d have an extra drink for them.
  • I’m sure you’ll join me in wishing [name] a swift recovery/all the best.
• Distant friends and family (deceased)
  • I know this is hardly the time to think of sad things.
  • As you know [may not know] my [relationship], [name,] passed away [when].

- However I just wanted to say how much s/he would have enjoyed today.

- I can almost see him/her (short amusing anecdote about that person and how s/he would have reacted to this occasion?).

- I’m sure s/he is with us in spirit and s/he is very much on our minds today.

• Appreciation of parents, parents-in-law, grandparents and grandparents-in-law
  • Their role in your past.
  • Amusing anecdotes?
  • What they mean to you now.
  • What they have contributed to your relationship.
  • What they’ve contributed to this wedding.
• Appreciation of your siblings and children
  • Their role in your past.
  • Amusing anecdotes?
  • What they mean to you now.
  • What they have contributed to your relationship.
  • What they’ve contributed to this wedding.
• Appreciation of your new family
  • Parents-in-law.
  • Sisters and brothers-in-law.
  • Step-children.
  • Step-in-laws and siblings.
  • What they have contributed to your relationship.
  • What they’ve contributed to this wedding.
  • How much they will all mean to you in the future.
• Appreciation of other members of the wedding party
  • Your father [or whoever gives that traditional speech].
  • Your husband.
  • The best man [assuming you speak after him].
  • Your bridesmaids.
  • Pages and flower girls.
  • Other people who contributed.
• Appreciation of friends
  • Their role in your past.
  • Amusing anecdotes?
  • What they mean to you now.
  • What they have contributed to your relationship.
  • What they’ve contributed to this wedding.
• Appreciation of colleagues
  • Their role in your working life.
  • Amusing anecdotes?
  • What they have contributed to your relationship (if relevant).
  • What they’ve contributed to this wedding.
  • How your working life will be after marriage.
• People to whom you might propose a toast
  • Distant/absent friends and family.
  • Your husband.
  • Your parents.
  • Your family.
  • Your joint families.
  • Your children.
  • Your guests.
• A poem, perhaps?
  • Love poem to your husband.
  • Appreciation poem to your parents.
  • Appreciation poem to all your guests.
  • Appreciation poem to your children.
• Jokes potential
  • About yourself.
  • About your new husband.
  • About your relationship/courtship/engagement.
  • About marriage itself.
  • About your expectations of marriage.
• Other events sharing the same date
• Did you know that on this day in [year] [the following] happened?

YOUR STRUCTURE SKELETON

Here is a selection of raw material you can use, and the order in which you can present it, to help you create a structure for your speech. You probably won’t want to use it all, but instead will retain the ideas that work for you and edit out the ideas that don’t. Plus, you may want to customise it to suit your needs.

How to take it from there is described in detail in Chapter 2 – formulate a good structure and then talk it through to yourself -preferably on an audio-recording system which can then play back your ‘natural’ words and wording. Transcribe that, tidy it up, add a few gems like jokes, poetry, quotations if you want (see Part 3) and you’ve got yourself one powerful speech.

• Why is the bride making a speech? Many of you know I talk too much anyway, so why change the habits of a lifetime just because it’s my wedding?
• Actually I wanted the chance to say ‘thank you’ to many people
• - in fact all of you.
• First I want to tell you how I met [husband] ... (short amusing, true, anecdote).
• Thank you so much to [(name] who introduced us.
• Thank you, too, to [name] who organised such a wonderful hen party (short amusing anecdote here).
• While I’m about it I must thank all of you for coming here today, especially those of you who have travelled from far away.
• Also I must mention [relative] who I know would have loved to be here today but sadly can’t be [reason why].
• And of course I must thank you for your fabulous gifts.
• We haven’t opened them yet because we’re saving them for when we get back from honeymoon.
• I’d also like to thank [name, best man] for his, er, brilliant speech (perhaps quick joke here?).
• Thanks, too, to [whoever else played a particularly significant role. If you want, you can present them with gifts now].
• But perhaps more than anyone I owe thanks to, it’s my parents.
• Why I owe them so much from when I was a little girl.
• Why I owe them so much now.
• How much I love them and thank them for today.
• And how much I love my work friends who have been so supportive through all my wedding plans - thanks, guys.
• And thanks, too, to my work colleagues who have been so supportive as well.
• Now, to my new husband, the most important person of all.
• My own ordinary words aren’t enough to describe what I feel.
• So I will share this poem with you all. (Read poem.)
• Someone told me I should marry a rich man.
• Well, I have - a man rich in all the qualities that any woman will even need to make her happy.
• Now, a toast - to my husband, [name].

I gave a speech at my own wedding five years ago. My father went first, then my husband, then me, and then the best man. All speeches were with champagne before we started eating so everyone was sober and wasn’t so nervous we couldn’t eat! There were over 100 guests so it was a big bash.

I wanted to give a speech because I wanted to personally thank a number of people, including my husband and both our sets of parents, and the other close friends and family who had supported me personally. It was pretty lighthearted mixed with some sentiment and heartfelt thanks. It was also much shorter than any of the other speeches. I kept it secret - I knew the rough areas the other speeches would be covering by convention and just pitched it somewhere in between. There were a couple of anecdotes about the groom and some serious stuff - mostly it was my personal acknowledgement and thanks to the special people who had helped to make the day, and our relationship, work so well.

I practised a couple of times out loud and wrote the speech out double spaced in large type on a piece of paper. I kept the speech in a folder with all my other notes and schedules for the day, which had been dropped at the venue that morning.

I was really really pleased I’d done it - although I realised too late that I had missed one person out of my thank yous, which I regretted. Somehow it made me feel much more part of the day rather than the day happening to me.

My advice is be prepared for some raised eyebrows - not everyone, including other women, thinks it’s a good idea for a woman to give a wedding speech in any capacity. If you’re the bride, keep it fairly short and sweet, very personal, and make sure you’re not covering the same ground as the other main speeches, including cracking too many best man-style jokes. Be clear about when you will be making your speech so there isn’t any miscommunication, especially if someone is announcing the speeches. Go for it!

Maja Pawinska Sims

www.be-sparkle.co.uk

I spoke last, as I stood up rather spontaneously and said I had to have the last word! It was pretty much off the cuff mainly thanking everyone for coming (particularly the Scots who had driven down to Bournemouth!) and saying things like ‘you’d all given up on me ever getting married as I was 35 and on the shelf so to speak. My brother was married at 24! Great relief from my parents etc who thought I was too much of a career girl! I made comments about Steve being my toyboy - six months younger and you’re as young as the man you feel etc! How we’d get on perfectly as long as Steve did what I told him ...Julie Lacey

We didn’t really have a ‘traditional’ wedding - we got married in St Lucia, and then had a very big party when we got back to the UK - about 400 people - my husband got stage fright and wouldn’t get up and say anything. I had about one minute - whilst arguing with him behind the DJ’s booth – then I just got up and said whatever came to me.

The guests were confused at first, especially as the DJ had said it was going to be my husband, but I made a joke about it and they all laughed (including him!). I didn’t speak for very long (which I think they were grateful for - there was dancing to be done) and got a huge round of applause at the end and quite a few offers of marriage! The guests - they were wonderful, so kind and they obviously wanted me to do well - they wanted me to say the right things.

After the event I ‘rehearsed’ a lot: you know, I wish I’d said this or I wish I’d mentioned Great Auntie Edie. I still dream about it even now. My advice is be prepared and have fun – everyone wants it to go well, they don’t want you to be a failure, they want you to succeed, these are mostly people that love you and care for you - they want you to be happy!

Debbie Jenkins

www.debbiejenkins.com

We didn’t have a traditional reception, particularly - we mixed the speeches in between the meal courses and music from a friend. All speeches were limited to five minutes and mine was the last one.

Mostly it was a humorous recollection of how my husband and I met. We were next-door neighbours and I did jokes about connecting doors, taxis home and footprints in the snow. I just had a flash of inspiration and wrote it down. I also used it to briefly thank various people, but not in a too gushy ‘Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars’ kind of way.

I did practise, but only really a quick run through I did have it written down word for word in a super-big font just in case I got lost.

My advice is, only do it if you really want to; not because you think you should or because it’s fashionable. It wasn’t fashionable when I did it (in 1998) and I’m still the only woman I know who has done so. Also only do it if you’re super confident - you don’t want the terror of ‘the speech’ ruining your big day. Write it down and practise, unless you’re a master (or mistress) at speaking off the cuff. Keep it short and simple. Make it funny, if you can, but not at anyone’s expense.

Helen Parkinson