If you’re speaking in this role, it’s possible that you may share some of the ‘desirable’ elements (such as giving thanks and appreciation to appropriate people) with that of a woman replacing the best man. If that’s true in your case you may want to read through the section called ‘If you’re speaking instead of the best man’ in Chapter 6 and pick up on any points in common.

More usually though your role is as a close friend/relative of the bride. Whereas in theory the best man (or best woman) is speaking as a close friend or relative of the bridegroom - that’s the key difference - nowadays such traditional formalities are often disregarded. However for the sake of argument (and this chapter) let’s assume you’re coming in as the bride’s right-hand-woman and your speech reflects this.

If there is a best man speaking as well, we will assume that he does the required thank yous and you’re free to focus on sharing your fondness for the bride, anecdotes and stories about your relationship, and your delight at seeing her so happy on this day.

Let’s start by looking at some areas from which you can draw ideas for speech content.

CONTENT ‘IDEA TRIGGERS’

• Why we’re all here
  • Who I am (if not properly announced).
  • Relationship to bride.
  • Here to say a few words about [bride’s name].
• If you’re (happily) married.
  • So glad [bride’s name] is able to share the happiness a good marriage provides.
  • How my husband and I reacted when [bride] told us she and [groom] were getting married.
• If you’re single
  • How envious you are of [bride’s] happiness.
  • How lucky she and [groom] are.
• If you’re related to the bride
  • How honoured you were when [bride] asked you to speak today.
  • Your earliest memories of her and your relationship.
  • Funny stories about bride as a baby/toddler/child/teenager? (not too rude!).
  • How much bride means to you and the rest of your family
  • How delighted you are to welcome [groom] into the family.
  • Bride’s qualities and achievements through her life (maybe five key qualities).
  • How proud you all are of her today and why.
• If you’re not related to the bride
  • How honoured you were when [bride] asked you to speak today.
  • How you came to meet [bride].
  • What your relationship was then.
  • What you thought of each other then.
  • How your relationship has developed.
  • A couple of funny, entertaining, emotional etc. experiences you have shared.
  • Bride’s qualities and achievements you admire most (maybe five key qualities).
  • Hope [groom] appreciates these qualities.
• The lead-up to the wedding
• What your involvement has been in wedding preparations.
  • What the experience has been like.
  • Any funny stories about the preparations?
  • How you and [bride] coped with stress, etc.
  • What sort of ‘hen night’ you organised (funny stories? Not too lurid!).
• The bride and groom together
  • The first time you met [groom] and your reactions (joke?).
  • Your reaction when they announced they were getting married.
  • A few words about their children if they have any?
  • What they share in terms of love, friendship, mutual interests.
  • What if any (joke) problems they might encounter (e.g. dirty football kit!).
  • How you see their future together.
• A poem, perhaps?
  • Poem about happy marriage/happy families.
  • Funny poem about marriage (not too negative).
  • Limerick.
  • Appreciation poem to the bride.
• Quotations
  • About marriage.
  • About true love.
  • About friendship.
• Jokes potential
  • About yourself.
  • About the bride (be careful not to offend, and avoid previous boyfriends, etc!).
  • About the groom (be careful not to offend, as above).
  • About marriage itself.
• People to whom you might propose a toast:
  • Distant/absent friends and family.
  • The bride and groom.
  • Your parents (if you’re the bride’s sister).
  • Your joint families - yours (if you’re related to the bride) and the groom’s.

YOUR STRUCTURE SKELETON

Here is a selection of raw material you can use, and the order in which you can present it, to help you create a structure for your speech. You probably won’t want to use it all, but instead will retain the ideas that work for you and edit out the ideas that don’t. Plus, you may want to customise it to suit your needs.

How to take it from there is described in detail in Chapter 2-formulate a good structure and then talk it through to yourself -preferably on an audio-recording system which can then play back your ‘natural’ words and wording. Transcribe that, tidy it up, add a few gems like jokes, poetry, quotations if you want (see Part 3) and you’ve got yourself one powerful speech.

• Hello everyone and as you heard I am the [chief bridesmaid/maid of honour/whatever].
• I am also the [bride’s sister/best friend/whatever].
• When [bride] asked me to give a speech here today I was really honoured.
• (Joke perhaps, for example) I will keep it brief because of my throat [bride] threatened to slit it if I went on for more than five minutes.
• But before I go on, you may be interested to know that on today’s date, [couple of examples of other great things that happened on this date in the past].
• (If you’re married) As some of you know [your husband] and I have been very happily married for X years and when [bride and groom] told us they were getting married I was thrilled for them both - it really is a wonderful institution.
• (Couple of quotations or jokes perhaps, for example) A few words of advice on how to keep that marriage fresh and happy ... go out to dinner once a week. [Bride] should go on Tuesdays, [groom] should go on Thursdays.
• (If you’re single) When [bride and groom] told me they were getting married of course I was delighted, but also I was a little bit envious. They are so happy together!
• (If you’re related to the bride) I must tell you, though, [bride] has not always been the cool, calm, collected, mature lady she is today. When we were growing up together she was ... (think of your relationship when you were kids ... funny stories? What she did when you were little ... family holidays ... pets ... school ... teenagers ... first jobs, etc.)
• (If you’re not related to the bride) I first met [bride] when we were [explanation here]. In those days she and I were [describe relationship]. In the intervening years we have been through a lot together [describe, preferably focusing on funny stories ... your social lives? Work? Holidays together?]
• But [bride] has grown into a wonderful mature woman and [groom] is so lucky to have been chosen as her husband!
• I first knew [groom] when [describe] and when he and [bride] got together, [describe your feelings ... don’t be unkind! ... perhaps make a joke?].
• However as their relationship progressed we couldn’t fail to see what a terrific couple they had become, and were going to be in the future.
• (If they have children) And when little [children’s names] came along it just made the whole thing perfect.
• In fact, I’d like to read out this poem which expresses how we all feel, better than I can ... (Perhaps a poem here about happy families, or happy marriage.)
• You may think that just because I’m calm and relaxed now the whole lead-up to today has been easy.
• It certainly was great fun but easy isn’t the word I would use to describe it. (Tell any funny stories about preparations, bride’s dress, bridesmaids’ dresses, hen night - but keep it clean! – shopping trips, etc.)
• Anyway, we made it to today!
• (If you’ve used the ‘slit my throat’ gag at the beginning e.g.) And before [bride] attacks my throat with that amazing sword they’re going to use to cut the cake, I will stop now and propose a toast. [Give a short reason why you’re toasting whoever.]
• Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your glasses to [whoever].

From memory, there were the traditional male speeches, but my friend, being my friend, she wasn’t going to leave herself out from making her speech and I remember thinking ‘Good for you’ and that’s something I could do when my turn comes (it hasn’t yet!). I guess my mind must’ve wandered off at some point because before I knew it, my friend announced that she wanted all the people who helped her and her new husband to get to the registry office on time to stand up, get the applause, haul themselves up to the wedding table and say a few words...

I’ve got a reasonably good memory, so most of the speech material - done off the cuff which is hard at the best of times and not done unless you’ve really got confidence - was literally from that computer called my brains and the speech

was done there and then. However, I did have to be very careful over what I said and how I said it as in the run-up to their wedding, there was so much tension and friction, I was afraid they wouldn’t get married, never mind me having a captive audience to deliver my speech to!

I’m afraid there was no practice and precious little rehearsal but as I had known the couple for several years, the best I can say is that there was an intuitive trust that I would say the right thing on the grounds of being a writer!

What advice would I give? Don’t be drunk when you give your speech (unforgivable!), have a small crib card for the important points if needed, keep it short, and sweet and if you really want to tell that risque story about the couple, check with them first before you tell it!

Caroline Lashley, The Editor’s Office

www.theeditorsoffice.co.uk

My friend (the bride) politely told me I was too old to be a bridesmaid so I joked about being best woman! Her father wouldn’t let me off the hook once I’d said it as a passing joke.

My speech preceded the best man’s. I sat at the top table on the insistence of my friend’s father.

Initially it was a speech followed by a poem. The content focused on my friend’s inability to make decisions with

particular reference to the time it took to decide to date her husband and finally marry him. This led on to how her indecisive nature impacted on the stress levels of her three closest friends when they accompanied her on the wedding dress hunt. I followed it with a poem about our friendship and its value to us all. It was a mixture of laughter and tears.

I wrote the speech and the poem over the weeks leading up to the big day and rehearsed it every day. When we arrived at the hotel for the reception I decided it wasn’t good enough and threw everything away. Within the time available before the wedding breakfast I concocted a new speech and decided to write a poem as well. The whole speech/poem lasted about 10 minutes. I amazed myself that under pressure and by relating true stories my final effort was the best! I became quite choked as I was speaking and I was very emotional.

Everyone laughed in the right places and cried in the right places and applauded when I finished. The guests were very kind and encouraging. Many came to me afterwards to say how much they had enjoyed it. Several female guests said how much it reminded them of their own friendships. I guess girls are just girls wherever and whoever we are!

Afterwards I was on a high, especially when the toastmaster asked if I gave wedding speeches for a job! I felt good because my friend loved it and I know it contributed to her day. I felt bad because the best man’s speech was an anticlimax afterwards.

My advice to other women is, speak from the heart and with sincerity. You are doing this for someone you love and care for. Generally the truth is funnier and better received than joke telling. Don’t throw banana skins in front of yourself – i.e. don’t say anything that could cause you to fall flat! Use notes if you need to. Remember the guests/audience are rooting for you. There is no way most of them would be up there themselves!

Christine Knott

www.beyondthebox.co.uk