NELLIE’S STORY

Interviews with Miss Nellie White

Nellie White was 102 years old and had been a committed Christian for almost a century.

Her body was very frail, she couldn’t walk but could transfer from wheelchair to her chair with very little or no help. Her sight was so poor she was almost blind and she wore a hearing aid, but her mind was as active as ever and her memory was razor sharp.

Nellie lived alone in a first floor flat helped by relatives, carers and friends. Carers called in at 7.30am to help her with her toilet and dressing, before getting her breakfast. They called in at midday to give her lunch, again about 5pm to see to her needs and give her tea, and lastly at about 8.15pm to give her a tiny dish of bread and milk and then get her ready for bed.

Nellie had two nieces, Florrie, who was 85 and Jean who was retired but younger than Florrie. They both visited their Aunt frequently. Jean often took her to her own home for a few days. She always slept on the settee in the same room to be on hand if her aunt needed anything. This exhausted her. Sometimes she stayed at her Aunt’s flat but could only manage a night or two, before she got too tired and needed to go home and rest.

Eighteen months ago Nellie bought an electrically operated recliner chair which she liked using. Some while ago she found it too uncomfortable to sleep in her bed, so she lay awake all night. It became difficult for her to transfer from her bed into her wheelchair to go to the bathroom. Because of her difficulties she chose to sleep in the recliner.

She could transfer from the recliner into her wheelchair and propel herself to just outside the bathroom. With the aid of strategically placed grab rails, she somehow managed to drag herself into the bathroom and onto the toilet. This caused everybody great concern in case she fell and was unable to use her ‘life-line’ alarm to obtain help.

Despite all her difficulties Nellie was adamant that she would not go into residential care of any kind.

One Sunday evening I felt led to tell my dear friend Nellie how concerned we all were, pointing out that none of us were able to stay every night with her, especially as it was now necessary for her to have continuous help on a permanent basis. There were five of us there at the time and we expected her to be very upset at my suggestion.

Much to everybody’s surprise and relief Nellie said, ‘I’m praying about it.’

One evening Nellie told me something of her background.

‘I had five sisters but I’m the only one left now. I used to live with my sister in a two bed-roomed flat on the next floor, until she died. After that I moved down here into this smaller flat and I’ve been here more than 20 years now.’

‘Nellie, how do you manage at night when there’s no one to help you?’ Iasked.

‘It’s very difficult but I ask God to help me and He always gives me the strength

‘What are you going to do when your nieces go on holiday?’

‘Social services have arranged for me to have respite care for a week. Will you come and take me there in your car?’

When Nellie returned to her flat after her week in respite care I asked her,’ Did you enjoy your stay in The Laurels?’

‘Yes, everybody was so kind. Nothing was too much trouble for them.’

‘Nellie, why don’t you want to go into a residential care home permanently?’

‘I wouldn’t be able to do as I want, I wouldn’t be able to go to church, I’d lose my independence and I’d have to give up my home. They might not let me play my piano.’

‘Don’t you think that might be better than falling and hurting yourself when you’re alone?’

‘Well, I will be going back into The Laurelswhen Jean goes away again in four weeks’ time. I like it there.’

‘What about during the meantime, before you go, neither Jean nor Vera (her friend) can manageto sleep here all the time?’

‘Oh, Sarah (aged 93) will stay with me and wheel me to the bathroom during the night

A few weeks later Nellie’s niece was asked to go Italy. Social services arranged for Nellie, at her request, to have respite care again but unfortunately not in the usual home. We had all heard good reports of this home and Nellie was quite happy about the arrangement.

I too k her home from church the following Sunday evening. We chatted together as I prepared her supper.

‘When I get backfrom Knight’s Court Jean will still be away. I’m going to see if I can stay an extra week’ she told me.

‘Good idea, you won’t be on your own at night then will you?’

‘No. I pray every night the Lord will help me and He does but I really can’t manage on my own now. I am praying about it though, I’m sure He will give me the answer.’

I sa w Nellie a week later. She was different.

‘What has happened?’ I asked her. She told me the story.

‘When I was 15 I used to sing a song at church. I haven’t heard or thought about these words since I was a girl. It came into my mind the other day. Do you know it?

‘If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere T’is heaven in me, wherever I be.

When He is near. I count it a privilege here His cross to bear. If Jesus goes with me, I’ll go anywhere.

‘Fancy the Lord putting that into my mind after 87 years! It was an answer to my prayer. I’ve decided that if Jesus will go with me I’ll go into a care home.’

Nellie was placed in Knight’s Court, a short-term care home, temporarily.

‘It’s wonderful here. They couldn’t treat me any better if I was the Queen! I’m going to stay here until my care manager finds me a place in a residential care home. I’m hoping to get a place in The Oaks. Everybody says it’s lovely there’ she told me when I visited.

‘I think you’ve made the right decision Nellie’, I replied.

Nellie waited for an assessment and a new permanent placement. She was quite content.

Three weeks later

Eventually, Nellie was assessed by a care manager and a trained nurse. She had set her heart on going into a residential care home but it was decided she needed nursing care. She was very distressed. She really didn’t want to go into a nursing home but would have been content to live in a residential care home.

Despite all the care Nellie received her condition began to deteriorate.

Jean and Florrie asked Nellie’s care manager to find a place for Nellie. There was a shortage of nursing home beds at the time, however a room was found for her in a local nursing home. Within hours Nellie had been assessed by the matron of The Heritage and she was transferred.

Every care was given to her.

Jean and Florrie spent day and night with her, she was never left alone until she died a few days later.

Lessons to be learned

Nellie was 102 years old. She needed somebody with her every night to wheel her into the bathroom and help her transfer from the wheelchair to the toilet. Afterwards, of course she needed to get back to her chair and be made comfortable again. Unfortunately, the financial resources were not available to provide her with carers who could stay all night.

Nellie was quite happy to have temporary respite care because she knew she could go back to her flat with all her own things around her and the many visitors who came in to help her.

She was reasonably happy when she thought she was well enough to be cared for in a residential care home. In fact she hoped there would be new companions for her to talk to and activities in which she could participate.

Nellie started to give up when she was told she needed nursing care. She knew she could no longer care for herself in her own flat. Even though she knew she could not be left alone at night she didn’t really want to go into a nursing home. She could only have her oxygen as prescribed by the doctor instead of having the amount she felt she needed. She felt she would be too regimented, she would not be able to live her life as she wanted to.