RESPONDING TO UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

The most important thing to remember when responding to unwanted behaviour is to:

• remain calm;
• handle the situation in a controlled manner.

Never:

• shout or lose your temper;
• use physical punishment.

The method you choose to respond to unacceptable behaviour must be in keeping with the nature of the behaviour and appropriate to the child’s age, stage of development and needs. By being aware of the factors which can trigger undesirable behaviour we can, where possible, eliminate many of the potential problems and we can at least try to understand those we cannot prevent. It will be much easier to respond to a child’s unwanted behaviour if you are armed with an understanding of the circumstances and factors which have provoked the negative behaviour.

By responding to the situation in a calm manner you will show the children that you are in control, not them, and that negotiation is a more suitable option for diffusing the problem rather than shouting or violence.

The best way to deal with unwanted behaviour is to use positive, preventative strategies. By anticipating potential sources of danger or conflict and eliminating them, together with ensuring that children are well supervised and have interesting activities, you will be well on the way to creating a positive environment for children to thrive in. However, one thing is certain – children are not angels! They will all play up at some time and resort to some type of unwanted behaviour periodically. Figure 8 shows several ways you can intervene should a child behave inappropriately.

Let us now look at these methods in more detail:

A firm ‘NO’

Most children will respond well to this verbal expression and will usually understand its meaning from a very early age. For this command to work well though, it must be used sparingly. Saying ‘no’ to a child continually will result in frustration and testing of the boundaries. They will begin to think, ‘Well, what can I do?’ When you have told a child ‘no’, it is important that you explain why they are not allowed to do it and that you mean what you say. Never allow children to continue showing unacceptable behaviour or persuade you to change your mind. Saying ‘no’ coupled with the appropriate tone of voice and facial expression can be very effective.

Using eye contact and facial expressions

Sometimes a child who is aware of what is expected of them may test and try to overstep the boundaries. In these cases quite often a simple look is sufficient to let them know that their behaviour is unacceptable. Eye contact should be used with the appropriate facial expression, i.e. a look of disapproval.

Explanation of what will happen if the child persists

Children should always be made aware of the consequences of their actions. Explaining the consequences underlines the importance of the rules and sets clear boundaries. Never make idle threats. If you have warned a child of a consequence and they continue to show unacceptable behaviour, then it is paramount that you carry out the sanction you have imposed. By threatening sanctions that are unjustified or cannot be carried through you will undermine your own authority and confuse the child.

Removal of the toy or equipment

This should only be used as a last resort. Children should be allowed to rectify their behaviour initially, through compromise and warnings, before the toy or equipment is removed. By removing a toy or equipment before giving the child the opportunity to rectify their behaviour you will have taught them nothing. They will not know why you have taken the object away from them and will probably move on to another toy and continue with the same unwanted behaviour.

For example, if a child throws a toy across the room and you refuse to allow them to have it back, the child will simply pick up another toy and do the same thing. How are you going to solve this problem? Will you take away all the toys? You should say ‘no’ firmly, initially coupled with an expression of disapproval. If the behaviour persists, and the child is old enough to understand, then an explanation should be given as to why it is not acceptable to throw toys indoors. For example, the toy may hit someone and cause injury, it may break something, or the toy itself may be damaged. If you remove a toy or equipment from a child because they are displaying unacceptable behaviour and refuse to cooperate, it is a good idea to find the child something else to do to prevent them from creating another inappropriate situation elsewhere. If appropriate, try offering the child the opportunity of going outdoors to throw a ball as an alternative to throwing a toy indoors.

Time out

Time out is not the same as isolation. Isolating a child is not an effective method of behaviour management, and childminders should never put a child into a room and leave them alone. Time out is similar to removing toys and equipment in that it deprives the child of something they want. Time out allows both the child and the adult to calm down and take control of themselves. This method of behaviour management is particularly effective for more serious misdemeanours such as destruc-tiveness, violence, swearing, rudeness, etc. A few minutes ‘time out’ should be long enough to diffuse the situation.

Time out is more appropriate for older children who will respond more effectively to being removed from a situation they are having difficulty with.

Time out should never be coupled with using a ‘naughty chair’ or ‘naughty corner’. These are forms of humiliation and they will not help to calm a child down but will merely encourage anger and resentment. Time out is not a punishment, it is a way of getting a child to calm down and to step back from the problem. Offer reassurance and sympathy when talking to the child and remember that emotions are very powerful and are often difficult for a child to control.

IGNORING UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

Whenever possible ignore a child who is exhibiting unacceptable behaviour. They are usually acting this way to gain attention and the best thing you can do is to refuse them the attention they are seeking whilst they are misbehaving. By giving a badly behaved child your attention you have effectively given them their own way. The attention they receive may not necessarily be desirable, but it is attention nonetheless. If possible, walk away from the child or busy yourself with a task which means you are taking no notice of what the child is doing. If a child sees that their unacceptable behaviour is having no affect on you they will quickly tire and move onto something else. A child who is acting disruptively for example is usually doing so for a reaction. He may be looking to shock, annoy, upset or anger you. By ignoring this behaviour you are refusing to allow him control over the situation and he will quickly realise that his efforts are in vain.

Obviously there are times when ignoring the behaviour or walking away from the child will not be an option; if, for example, their behaviour poses a danger to themselves or someone else, or if you are in a public place at the time. This is when distraction comes into its own.

Distraction

Distraction can be a very useful form of behaviour management when other methods fail. A child who is causing a scene because she wants a toy that someone else is playing with can have her behaviour successfully managed by the use of distraction. Failure to get what she wants could result in a tantrum; however by distracting her and getting her interested in another toy, you may be able to diffuse the situation and avert the problem.

Play therapy

Play therapy is an ideal way for children to act out situations that cause anxiety and stress and which may lead to problems with behaviour. It provides a child with a way to release strong emotions in a safe environment and in a non-threatening way.

Play therapy can be used in a number of ways such as:

• Physical play – kicking a ball about outside or running around a playground are good ways of releasing pent up energy which could turn into anger and frustration.
• Play dough and clay are good for kneading when feelings of frustration are threatening to take over.
• Role play is good for expressing anxiety and fear which a child may experience before a hospital appointment or a change in schools, for example.
• Books are an excellent source of information about a huge range of topics including bereavement, visiting the dentist, dealing with a new baby, moving house, starting school, etc.

THE LAW AND SMACKING

For the purpose of caring for other people’s children it is vital to understand that any childminder or nursery provision regulated by Ofsted is prohibited from using any form of physical punishment on a child. Physical punishment includes:

• smacking;
• shaking;
• pushing;
• kicking;
• rough handling in any way.

Childminders, nursery nurses, teachers, etc. are all bound by their regulations and must never resort to physical punishment.

Many parents, and indeed childcare practitioners, believe that giving a child a quick smack is an effective way of instantly getting a child to stop behaving in an unacceptable way. Others believe that smacking is completely unnecessary and sends out the wrong messages.

There have been many debates and discussions about the use of physical punishment on children and, in particular, the right to smack a child. The biggest problem is ascertaining what constitutes a ‘smack’. What one person might consider a light tap may be seen as a sharp slap by another, and this is where the problems arise. In the past, childminders have been allowed to smack the children in their care with written permission from the parents. However problems might then arise about:

• the severity of the smack;
• the circumstances surrounding the smack;
• whether the child had been marked by the smack;
• whether the punishment was in keeping with parental wishes.

The simple way around these problems is to ban all types of physical punishment in a day-care setting. This was achieved for childminders when, on 4 May 2003 after years of campaigning by the National Childminding Association, the Government announced that child-minders in England would no longer be allowed to smack the children in their care. This new guidance came into effect for childminders in September 2003.

A new law came into force in January 2005 stating that any parent in England and Wales who smacks their child so hard that it leaves a mark may face up to five years in jail. This law was designed to allow parents to take a ‘common sense’ approach to discipline. The law states that mild smacking is allowed as reasonable chastisement.

Although Britain signed the United Nations Convention of the Rights of the Child more than 15 years ago it has still failed to impose a total ban against smacking.

The new law throws open many questions such as:

• 1.How can the law be enforced?
• 2.Will the law tempt parents to smack their children on parts of the body where marks are less visible which are equally or more damaging, such as on the head?
• 3.How will the law protect children of different races whose skin may not show markings in the same way as a child with white skin?
• 4.How big does the mark have to be for the smack to be deemed illegal?
• 5.How long does the mark have to be visible for after the smack has been administered?

The law states that any smack which leaves a child with a bruise, graze, scratch, cut or swelling will not be permitted.

Laws aside, what we should really be concentrating on is whether or not smacking is necessary. It may be argued that a child who is smacked by an adult learns that it is acceptable for a bigger person to inflict pain and suffering on a smaller person, and that violence is acceptable. Smacking is a form of aggressive behaviour and an adult smacking a child gives the message that it is acceptable to resort to this type of aggression. Although smacking may prevent a child from acting in a certain way, it does not actually teach them how to resolve problems or conflicts in a peaceful way.

Many European countries have already brought a law into force completely banning anyone, including parents, from smacking children, and there are many people in this country who think a total ban on smacking is the only answer.