Death in other cultures

A soldier going to place flowers on the grave of a fallen comrade met a native [sic] carrying a food-offering to his ancestral tomb. Amused by this superstitious absurdity, the soldier asked him when his ancestors would emerge from the tomb to enjoy their meal.

‘About the same time as your friend comes up to smell your flowers,’ he answered.

Puckle, Funeral Customs, 1926

The traditions associated with death in our European-American culture have been shaped by Christian ideas and practices. These tend to be restrained – solemn even. Funerals are quiet, short affairs – a tear might be shed but feelings usually remain private.

We have much to learn from other cultures that mostly give greater obvious significance to a death. Dying often has a deeper meaning for those who remain and rituals are much more established, lengthy and elaborate. The upheaval in family relationships is noted and changed roles are acknowledged. In rural Crete today, for example, there are regular reminders of death for the whole community:

You have the funeral, then a service at nine days, 40 days, three months, six months, nine months and a year. Nowadays, most people hold them at the monastery rather than their village church... this morning there were 35 such services – or rather the 35 names were read out and prayed for at the end of the morning service which started at 6am and finished around 10.15... then the people depart to vast rooms with long tables to eat cakes and pastries and drink coffee ... There must have been 2,000 people...

Linda Nithavrianakis, 1999

The process of dying, preparing and disposing of the body, mourning and bereavement are linked to very specific practices; these make the process of dealing with death a very active one which engages people in particular ways. The process has a visibility and presence that often seems much healthier than our hushed tones and respectful silences.

On the other hand our ‘respectability’ and our inhibitions about expressing feelings or religious rituals may make us horrified at some of the extreme emotions and physical arrangements for the body; we may not understand different attitudes to bereavement.

This may lead to discrimination of people from other ethnic traditions who need to use British health services, mortuaries, coroners, cemeteries and crematoria.

It’s intriguing that those cultures which have clearly-agreed, shared rituals about grief and mourning ‘have an almost complete absence of ”prolonged grief’ (Rosenblatt, Walsh and Jackson, 1976).

Hindu death

Practices vary according to caste, region of origin and financial means.

It is important that death should take place at home; death in a hospital is likely to cause great distress. Family and friends will stay at the deathbed throughout the final hours, praying that the gods will intervene to prevent their loss: there is no sense of ‘acceptance’ that death is inevitable.

Relatives might fetch money and clothes for the dying person to touch before distributing them to the poor.

As the person is about to die he is moved out of bed and on to the floor: the relatives place basil leaves which have been dipped in holy Ganges water on the lips of the dying person to purify the body, accompanying this with holy songs. There will be loud shrieks at the moment of death. It is important that only the family (of the same sex) should wash and prepare the body. The body is cremated (the same day, or the following day if the death was in the evening) on a funeral pyre lit by the eldest son. There is more singing and wailing while people wait to hear the skull cracking, which shows that the spirit is finally released. The ashes are scattered on flowing water – preferably the Ganges.

During the next 10 to 16 days there is open house with simple refreshments provided for relatives and friends. There are prayers, songs and holy readings. A widow will wipe away her wedding mark and women relatives will wear white saris for the next year. There are further rituals at one, three and six months. Although traditionally widows were normally in mourning for a year it is nowadays reduced to three months.

Jewish death

The dying person reviews their life and may leave an ethical will, which contains messages to their family of their hopes and values.

There should be no undue effort to prolong life or hasten death. Those present at the time of death should hold back their immediate grief and remain in the room. The family arranges the body, covered with a sheet, with the feet pointing towards the door.

Jews should not be involved in the washing of the body; this is left to the funeral director who is called by the Rabbi. Mirrors in the house are covered. The physical body is sacred and should not be embalmed or cut – any severed parts should be buried, unwashed. Organ donation is not encouraged. The body should be buried, not cremated, with some earth from the Holy Land in the coffin.

Gentiles should keep away from the funeral, which should take place within 24 hours of death. Family and friends take the responsibility for filling in the grave.

It is only after the funeral that grief can be expressed and support given to the bereaved. For the first three days the family remain in private: during the next four days friends will visit, bringing food and comfort, and speaking only when spoken to. There are candles and prayers, and Gentiles are now welcome to share the family’s grief.

The family will not cut their hair or shave during the next month; during the following ten months there will be weekly prayers. After this time the mourning period is over and further grief is discouraged.

Mourning is also discouraged if the person has not been found, committed suicide, been cremated or was a baby younger than 30 days.

Muslim death

Muslims face death with the same austerity and fervour that they show in life. Death is a time for final judgement on the way someone has lived his life.

The dying person will be keen to show the strength of their faith and will wish to raise themselves in their beds to face in the direction of Mecca. Any continued afterlife is dependent on a thorough preparation of the body by the family at the local mosque and a speedy burial (within 24 hours).

There is a ceremony before the funeral when family and friends are permitted to crowd around the body; they will wish to kiss and touch the face for the last time. The burial is the business of men only; they must hold back their emotions while wrapping the body without touching it.

When it is buried the eyes should face Mecca and a board is placed over the head. Prayers are said in the mosque on the third, seventh and fortieth days after the death. It is considered improper for children to be involved in any of these rituals.

It is the hope of all Muslims who live overseas that their body can be returned home, although the costs involved may make this a problem.

Mourning should last for no more than three days when everyone should be encouraged to ‘return to normal’ no one should then talk about death and the deceased person.

Buddhist death

A Buddhist death is a sorrowful but gentler affair. Buddhists believe that our mortal life is just one of many – our subsequent progress being determined by our self-created ‘karma’ (the way we have lived) and the prayers of others: it is more like a departure for the next stage of a journey.

Because the concept of ‘individualism’ and attachment to possessions and relationships is alien to Buddhism, the Western sense of loss and bereavement is less sharp and there is more emphasis on wishing the person well (through prayer) in their future lives.

It is important that the body is allowed a period of peace in the time following death for the ‘spirit’ to move on. Family members wash the body.

The local monks will cast a ‘death horoscope’ which indicates which prayers are appropriate and when the body is best cremated.

The body is carried in procession with family and friends and is accompanied by music. The body can be buried or cremated – the flames of a funeral pyre are seen as purifying.

Six weeks after its ‘previous’ death the spirit will attach itself to an embryo at conception to begin its next life. Less fortunate souls will find themselves returned as an animal and the most wretched will reappear as sad or angry ghosts with a lesser hope of advancement towards the ultimate Nirvana.

There will be warm support for bereaved relatives from friends and monks. Mourning lasts for 100 days during which time people should dress in subdued colours.