This above all: To thine own self be true

What you say is so much more important than how you say it. A speaker without a powerful or melodious voice can register just as convincingly as a great orator as soon as the audience tunes into the fun and caring behind his words.

True, a little judicious advice on delivery technique can help smooth the edges without stifling individuality. Yet a great deal of so-called expert advice will remove the wonderfully imperfect distinctions about us and create unremarkable clones.

So while this chapter will stress the importance of projecting positive language and having the right attitude to your speech, it will not put you in a strait-jacket of artificial presentation techniques.

Essentially, you just need to be yourself – but yourself made large. If you offer your homage, your humour and your heart to any audience, they cannot resist.

1 Finding your style

It is exceedingly difficult to discuss style and technique in general terms, since the ability to ‘hold an audience’, to be sober, sensible and sensitive, yet amusing is such a personal business. However, there are certain ‘rules’ and guidelines which appear to be universal. Here they are:

• Make your speech ‘yours’: did Elvis, Sinatra and Johnny Rotten all sound the same singing My Way? Of course not. The artist makes the crucial difference. So, too, does the speaker.

Whatever individual characteristics you have that are special to you should be nurtured and cultivated and worked on, for it is those personal and unique quirks of appearance, personality and expression that will mark you out as a speaker with something different to offer. And that is never a bad thing.

• Be conversational: sitting at leisure, with family, friends or colleagues, your conversation will be naturally relaxed and chatty, because that is the language of easy communication. When you make the bride’s father’s speech, the words and phrases you use should be more considered, imaginative, creative and rhythmical than your everyday language, yet the way you say them, the way you deliver your speech should remain unaffectedly relaxed and chatty.

If you ‘put on an act’, you will be perceived as phoney, boring, or lacking in personality. As a result, you won’t come over well. Certainly you may need to speak a little louder or make other concessions to accommodate the needs of your audience, but, in essence, nothing in your delivery style should change.

Casual conversation is not constructed in a literary way. You do not always finish your sentences. You repeat yourself. You use ungrammatical constructions – but you are obeying a different set of rules. You are obeying the rules of effective spoken communication which have been learnt, instinctively, down the ages. Don’t abandon these rules when you speak in public.

• Being heard: you must be audible. If you are not, all else is lost. If there is public address equipment available, find out how it works, get plenty of practice and then use it. If there is no sound-enhancing equipment, speak as clearly and as loudly as is necessary to be heard. If the only other person in the room was at the back, you would talk to him or her naturally, at the right level, without shouting or strain, by:
• keeping your head up
• opening your mouth wider than during normal speech
• using clearer consonants
• slowing down.

If you remember that you must be heard by that same person, at the back, during your speech, however many other people may be in the room, you will make those same four natural adjustments to your delivery.

2 Giving out the right non-verbal messages

We speak with our vocal cords, but we communicate with our whole body. An audience does a lot more than listen to a speech – it experiences it. Everything about a speaker’s manner and demeanor contributes to the overall impression that the audience takes away.

So what hidden messages do you give out when you speak? If you are unsure, watch yourself in a mirror, or get someone to video you. You will probably find that you need to work on one or more of the following:

• stance and posture
• movement and gestures
• eye contact and facial expression.

However, remember that while each of these may be considered in isolation, a positive change made to any of them will also have a direct and immediate positive effect on the others.

Stance and posture are important. You are making a fundamental statement with your body. An aligned, upright posture conveys a message of confidence and integrity.

Movement and gestures you should be far more than just a talking head. You don’t want to be so motionless that you look like a statue on loan from Madame Tussaud’s. But, equally, you shouldn’t attempt an impersonation of racing pundit John McCririck’s arm-waving histrionics.

Try to identify any annoying movements or gestures which you display. Do any of these faults apply to you?

• playing with your watch
• talking with your hand in front of your mouth
• pushing your glasses back up your nose
• jingling coins in your pocket
• waving your hands about for no reason
• rustling your notes
• shuffling your feet
• swaying
• making pointless gestures

Try to eliminate any such habits because they are a powerful means of distraction. Your audience will become preoccupied with them and will start watching you rather than listening to you.

Eye contact and facial expression are crucial aspects of effective communication because they gain and then maintain an audience’s attention, create rapport, and give you valuable feedback as to how well you are coming over.

Ideally, you will have memorised your opening and closing lines, so look at your audience as you deliver them. During the middle of your speech, try to keep your head up from your script, or notes for most of the time.

Entertainers use the so-called lighthouse technique to maintain eye contact with their audiences. This means beaming all around the room slowly, tracing an imaginary X or Z shape but continually varying the size and shape of the letter to avoid any eye sweeps becoming routine and predictable. Look at everyone and make this deliberate and noticeable. Stop occasionally to look at individuals for just long enough to give the impression that you are talking to them without picking them out for special attention.

But you must do more than simply look at your audience: you must use your eyes and your facial expression to convey your feelings. This isn’t as difficult as it may sound. You do it every day. Practise using your eyes and facial expression to convey: happiness, optimism, mirth, joy, confidence, sincerity.

There is nothing more captivating than a smile. It shows warmth and friendliness and says, ‘I’m really pleased to be making this speech!’ So smile, smile – and smile again.

Once you begin to give out positive silent messages about your feelings and emotions, you will become even more enthusiastic and eager – and this, in turn, will be reflected in your body language. You will have broken into a wonderful virtuous circle.

3 Making fear your friend

Fear is nothing to be frightened of. People get nervous because they are afraid of failing, of looking foolish, and not living up to expectations. Nervousness is caused by the fear of looking ridiculous to others.

Few speakers claim to be able to speak without any nerves. Some will say that lack of nerves is not only unlikely, it is undesirable. They need the adrenalin to carry them along. So how do you make things easier for yourself? First be assured that excessive worry is avoidable, if you follow this advice:

Rehearse

Friends who tell you not to worry should worry you. Don’t you believe them when they say, ‘No need to rehearse, it’ll be all right on the night’ – unless your hidden agenda is to get £250 for a camcorder calamity. If you want to calm your nerves and make a great speech, you simply must rehearse.

Why do some actors freeze or fumble on the opening night and then pick up a British Theatre Drama Award six months later? It’s a fear of unfamiliarity. As the days, weeks and months go by, the fear abates and the quality of the performance improves.

Words become more familiar. Awkward juxtapositions are smoothed out. You suddenly think of a way of saying a stuffy sentence in a more straightforward and colloquial style. At the same time you will recognise the parts of your speech that hit the spot, the parts that require a little fine tuning, and the parts that are simply not worth including.

As with the type of script you use, so the rehearsal method you employ must be the one that best suits you. Some speakers like to be isolated and unheard in a distant room, with or without a mirror. Others perform their speeches again and again to a sympathetic spouse or friend, either encouraging suggestions from them or requiring nothing more than a repeated hearing to ease away inhibitions.

Rehearse your beginning and ending until you have got them spot on. Rehearse the body of your speech not to be perfect, but to be comfortable. Audiences don’t expect you to be perfeet, but they need you to be comfortable. If you’re not comfortable, neither are they. And if they’re not comfortable, they cannot be receptive to your words of wit and wisdom, however hard they may try.

Have the right attitude

Tell yourself that you are going to make a great little speech. And believe it. The largely untapped power of positive thinking really is enormous. It has been estimated that 85 per cent of performance is directly related to attitude. Unfortunately, many speakers think they are going to fail and, with this attitude, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Visualise success

Visualisation is the planting of mental images into the subconscious mind. These images must be vivid and real – you must be able to see, to hear, to smell, to touch, to taste and to truly live them.

This is not a crankish idea. Controlled medical experiments have proved it to be true. When a patient visualises cancer cells being engulfed by anti-bodies in the bloodstream, it is far more likely to happen than if that patient just lies back and lets nature take it course.

So reinforce your positive attitude with a positive visualisation of your speech. Imagine yourself talking in a relaxed and confident manner. You are looking good. They love your opening hook. But it gets better; your stories, reminiscences and little jokes wow them. They are eating out of your hand. Then comes that emotionally charged big finish. Nobody could have topped that. Listen to their cheers and applause. Now that’s what I call a wedding speech! What you used to call fear can now be renamed excitement and anticipation.