A good speech has a good beginning and a good ending, both of which are kept very close together

There is no such thing as the best opening lines or the best closing lines for a bridegroom’s speech, because every speech – and every speaker – is different. In this chapter you will learn a number of techniques that can be used to open and close a speech. They are all tried and tested, so you don’t need to worry about choosing a dud. Study the options and decide what would work best for your speech – and for you.

There are dozens of ways to put over a captivating opening or to deliver a compelling close. It’s just a matter of finding the pattern of words that suits your style and has exactly the effect you are after. Work on your lines until you’ve got them spot on. Then memorise them or write them out on a card to use as a prompt. You must know precisely how you are going to open and close your speech. There is absolutely no room for any ad-libbing here.

1 Grabbing their attention

It is essential to start well. Allow yourself plenty of time to find an effective opening.

It is vital to have an opening line that really grabs your audience’s attention. Entertainers call this having a hook. For the bridegroom, undoubtedly the most useful varieties are:

• the quotation hook
• the anniversary hook
• the humour hook

The quotation hook

The right quotation, told at the beginning of your speech, can illuminate your thoughts in a most telling way and set the tone for what is to follow. The library shelves are weighed down with books of quotations. Here are just a few examples:

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been said that if you want to find a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter. Well, if that’s true, I’m sure (bride’s parents) will agree that I’ve just married the best wife in the world.’

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, wasn’t it Shelley who said, “Success in marriage is more than finding the right person, it is being the right person”.’

‘Ladies and Gentlemen ... I’ve heard it said that getting married is like getting a dog. It teaches you to be less self-centred; to expect sudden, surprising outbursts of affection; and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car ...’

The anniversary hook

There’s nothing like telling people what a special day it is today. You’re telling them that ‘Today’s the Day!’ As always, use your own words, but this is the sort of thing you should say:

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a historic day! This day, the 30th of September will always be remembered because of three very famous events. Tony Blackburn played the first-ever record on Radio One – the Move’s Flowers in the Rain – back in 1967; tennis ace Martina Hingis was born in 1980; and on this day in 200X, I married (bride)!’

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a day heavy with significance! This very day, the 1st of June, will always be associated with three truly historic events. Screen legend Marilyn Monroe was born in 1926 ... The Beatles released the classic Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in 1967... and on this day in 200X, you heard the finest damn wedding speech of your entire lifetime! Now... who’s going to make it?’

You can find plenty of birthdays and anniversaries listed in specialist books (for instance, Making a Wedding Speech in the How To series has no less than 732 of them). You’ll also find them in most daily and Sunday newspapers.

The humour hook

Opening with a short and relevant gag will help you to relax and get the audience laughing. Here are just a few examples of jokey openings that you could use or adapt to hook your guests:

‘Good Ladies, afternoon and Gentlemen ... I knew I should have rehearsed this speech.’

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this afternoon I’m speaking free of charge, and I’m sure you’ll soon agree I’m worth every penny of it.’

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you – please keep applauding. I’ve got a very weak finish ... or so (wife) tells me.’

Consider other ideas too. There are so many new, exciting and unconventional openings. Look for a method that fits your personality. Then test your opening. Have you used just the right words, in the right order, with the right timing?

Then memorise and practise them. Rehearse, rehearse and rehearse. If your first sentence does not make an impact, you will lose your chance for immediate success. You only have one chance to make a good first impression.

2 Responding to the toast to the bride and groom

Remember that tradition and good manners demand that you respond to the bride’s father’s toast to you and your new wife. Unless she’s going to speak for herself, make it clear that you are speaking on behalf of both of you.

‘First of all, my wife and I ... oh, how I’ve waited to say those four little words ... my wife and I wish to thank (bride’s father), for those warmhearted words. I do not deserve the good things you said of me ... but I shall try to deserve them, and be worthy of my wife.’

3 Ending on the right note

Try to end with a flourish. Your concluding remarks should be to your speech what a high note is to an aria: the candescence that triggers applause. If you can find the ideal ending you will inject that ultimate bit of magic.

The ending, like the opening, is too important to be left to the mercy of chance or the whim of the moment. It does not have to be long and complicated – indeed, it should not be – but it does have to be worked out in advance and well rehearsed.

There are many ways to conclude a speech. However, remember that every speech needs its own ending, tailored to its tone, content and participants. The following list therefore is intended as no more than a broad spectrum of possibilities:

• the sentimental close
• the inspirational close
• the shock close
• the wit and wisdom close – the unexpected toast close

The sentimental close

A wedding is an emotional occasion and your speech should reflect this. If you mean something deeply, then say it out loud from the heart with courage, confidence and conviction: ‘Maggie, I love you!’

The inspirational close

We can learn a lot from the great inspirational speakers of past and present: Sir Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela. If you find an ideal uplifting line that would wrap up your speech perfectly, then grab it, adapt it and use it.

Martin Luther King concluded his famous ‘I have a dream’ speech with these words: ‘Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last!’ This powerful three-phrase close could be adapted to: ‘Together at last! Together at last! Thank God, we‘re together at last!’

The shock close

The idea here is to make an apparently outrageous or shocking statement. Then, after a brief pause, to clarify yourself. Your audience’s relief will be audible:

‘Finally, I have a confession to make. When I took my vows in church today, I lied. I did not marry for better or worse ... I married for good!’

The wit and wisdom close

Some speakers end with a good joke while others prefer to impart a pearl of wisdom. Why not do both? Why not use humour to illustrate a universal truth?

These three ‘let-me-leave-you-with-this-thought’ gems come from Bob Monkhouse, Groucho Marx and Pam Eyres:

‘My dad taught me that marriage is an investment that pays dividends if you pay interest ... and that’s more than mere speculation. Believe me, I’m going to pay a great deal of interest!’

‘Even when a marriage is made in heaven, the maintenance work has to be done on earth ... and, let me tell you, I’m never going to stop working at it!’

‘Love is like a curry and I’ll explain to you, that love comes in three temperatures: medium, hot and vindaloo. ... ours is extra hot vindaloo.’

The unexpected toast close

You are not expected to propose a toast to your wife, but if you do, immediately before the traditional toast to the bridesmaids, the effect will be impressive:

‘Here’s to my mother-in-law’s daughter,

Here’s to my father’s son;

And here’s to the vows

we’ve just taken,

And to the life we’ve just

begun!’

‘A toast to my wife: Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.’

‘To my wife:

May we always share love

and laughter!’

4 Proposing a toast to the bridesmaids

Don’t forget to propose that toast to the bridesmaids. All you need to do is to add a few thankful and congratulatory words after your big finish, for example:

‘Finally, what can I say about the bridesmaids, the charming young ladies who did such a great job in helping (wife) up the aisle ... although I hope she came to the church of her own free will! They have been wonderful and added so much to the occasion, so please join me in drinking a toast to the bridesmaids. Ladies and Gentlemen, the bridesmaids!’

5 Bracketing your speech

This is a device usually associated with seasoned pros. It is designed not only to grab an audience’s attention at the start of a speech, but also – and at the same time – to set up a situation that can be exploited at the end. The idea is to present your speech as a satisfying whole, not just as a series of stories, jokes and reminiscences, however well they may have been crafted and structured.

The two brackets consist of a set-up at the opening of the speech and a pay-off at the end. The words you will end with include those planted clearly at the start, like this:

Set-up: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, they say love is blind. Well I certainly can’t see far ahead ... not without my glasses ... and I readily admit that in the past at times I’ve been a bit shortsighted ... and sometimes even made a bit of a spectacle out of myself ... But today, with or without my glasses, I can see my future mapped out very clearly ...’

Pay-off: ‘You know, today, for the first time in my life, I don’t need to wear glasses to see what a bright and wonderful future lies ahead of me ... And right now I really couldn’t give a damn that I’m a bit shortsighted. Why should I? ... Love is blind. And, in any case, all I need to see is (bride) ...’

Notice how the repetition of the words ‘glasses’, ‘shortsighted’ and ‘love is blind’ helps the open-and-closed nature of the brackets and provides a pleasing and memorable symmetry.