Planning your wedding

Congratulations! You've decided on the big day and would like to celebrate. But the budget, due to commitments such as the mortgage, may be less than sparkling. What are the choices regarding the all-important party? You can, of course, go to a hotel or restaurant and pay for the privilege, or hire a caterer and a venue such as a village hall. Or you could put up a marquee in a garden or book the village hall and do the catering yourself. Doing your own catering would certainly keep down the costs. But who in their right mind would choose to cater for their own wedding? It might seem like a crazy idea, but why not? There are few people who wish to spend a small fortune on just the one day to mark the rest of their lives together. The average cost of a wedding in Britain is around the £17,000 mark with some 40 per cent of the costs going to the caterer, be it in a hotel, restaurant or for a professionally catered for marquee reception. London’s costs will be approximately 15% higher.

You may find it too daunting a prospect being involved with the food and may wish to book a caterer but do the other arrangements, such as hiring the venue, getting quotes for a marquee, arranging the transport, sending out the invitations, hiring staff, finding the perfect cake-maker and ordering the champagne, yourself.

Since I’m sure you don’t want to start your new life together on the wrong foot – in debt from day one – it would be a wise move to eliminate part of the expense. Examine both possibilities – to cater or not to cater yourself – and get organised.

This chapter will cover:

• a look at the types of locations
• a checklist of questions to ask the hirer of the location
• summer versus winter for your wedding
• a look at your guest list
• catering for your wedding
• going formal or staying informal
• your wedding plan calendar of events
• the order of the wedding day
• timing is all: the bride and groom’s time list and the venue timing
• compiling your all-important contacts list
• car hire
• keeping a level head – what’s important and what’s not worth the fuss.

Deciding on the location for the reception

Your first decision is where you both wish to hold your reception. Possible locations range from your home, perhaps either parents’ homes if you’re in that age bracket, or a generous friend or relative who will lend you their home, or a marquee put up in the garden in one of these venues. Another option is your local village hall. But there are plenty of other types of venues to consider, some of which are more unusual and memorable. Use the internet to search for ‘wedding venues for hire’, check out your Yellow Pages and local library, canvass friends or try weddingvenues.com for further inspiration.

Here are some suggestions:

• Barn for hire: a delightful, casual, sometimes spacious venue, with many in a pretty setting.
• Village halls: Look outside your immediate area for inspiration if you aren’t keen on your local village hall.
• Golf club: some provide the catering, others hire out the premises only.
• Railway stations: yes, it is sometimes possible to hold parties
on the platform or in the booking hall, for example.
• Leisure centres: delve into your Yellow Pages to start the search.
• Castles and forts: some may offer the space but not the catering.
• Mines: a most remarkable venue; Poldark Mine in Cornwall is just one wedding setting to be had around the country.

When you start looking you may also find details of pumping stations, gardens, pavilions and other places. Some of them offer catering, others just the space with or without equipment such as chairs and tables and other necessities.

Researching your location

You need to take into consideration the venue where your wedding reception will take place. You have a finite space for your guests, unless you are outdoors, hence the need to know how many you will be catering for.

Points to look out for when choosing a venue:

• How much parking space is there and is the entrance convenient for the caterer to unload the food and drink?
• What is the access to the venue within the building like? Are there a lot of stairs to negotiate for carrying up food, drink, equipment, chairs, tables, cutlery, glasses, flowers and other items?
• How many chairs and tables are there? Are there enough?
• How clean is the venue?
• Is there an alcohol licence? Until what time? If not, can we supply the champagne and wine but pay a corkage charge?
• How easy is it to access the building on the day? Do you need to go through a caretaker or will you be given keys?
• How many hours can you hire it for? Is there another party booked either before or after you?
• What is included in the deal? Is VAT included, for example?
• How do you lock up if the caretaker doesn’t do this for you?
• What health and safety measures are in place? (exits, fire extinguishers)
• What deposit is required and what is the cancellation charge?

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Tip!

In some village halls you are expected to pay for lighting with some of the older ones having meters. Find out about lighting and heating when talking to the manager.

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You will also have to know what kind of kitchen you will be able to finish preparing your food in (the vast majority of the cooking will have taken place in the caterer’s kitchen or your own).

Points to look out for include:

• How clean and well looked after is the kitchen?
• Are there sufficient sinks, a freezer, a fridge?
• Will the cooker meet your needs? Does it have enough burners and ovens? Is it easy to light or do you need a demonstration?
• Does the kitchen have enough prepping space or are there few working surfaces?
• Does the venue offer equipment and, if so, what are the plates, cutlery and glasses like? Are there enough for your guests? Count everything just to make sure.
• Are there enough – if any – serving dishes or will you need to bring your own?
• Does the venue supply washing up liquid and any other cleaning materials including dishcloths and tea towels?
• Is there a sufficient amount of hot water or is the boiler not up to scratch?

Other questions which may be useful also include:

• Do you book in other parties – will there be a time constraint on our event?
• What is the setting like for photography? (Are you seeking a lakeside setting, for example?)
• What facilities are there if the weather is poor?
• Is there outside space for a summer wedding? Heating for a winter wedding?
• What is the parking like?
• How many toilets are there? You do not wish to have guests queuing because of insufficient toilet facilities.
• Is there a coat area and space for presents?
• Is there disabled access? You may have guests in wheelchairs, for example.
• Do you have a PA system for speeches or for musicians?
• Can we book our own musicians and florists?
• Do you have a seating plan stand?
• Can we throw confetti?
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• Do you allow professional firework displays at your venue?
• Are you licenced for holding marriage ceremonies? You may wish to get married where the reception will be instead of in a church or registry office.
• Do you have special arrangements with local taxi companies?
• Can I have references from clients who have used the venue?

Other practicalities to consider before viewing the venues

Narrow down several venues in your area and visit them. But before you do, make sure the dates you have in mind are available at the venue. Otherwise, you may have a wasted journey. If you are flexible, ask for alternative dates too.

• Is the location suitable for your guests?
• How far away is it from the church or registry office?
• Look for cleanliness. (Is the kitchen clean? Is the entrance inviting or marked and dirty?)
• Is the space suitable for your wedding if you plan to have a stage, music, dancing or other entertainment?
• Logistically, how will it work for you if you are doing the catering? Is there good storage space for drinks, an area for the bar, easy access to the kitchen area from the car or van, and adequate washing up facilities?
• Is it convenient to pick up the keys and return them if it is a village hall, for example? You don’t want to be trudging all over the countryside trying to locate the keyholder.
• If you’re interested in the venue, take clear details of who to contact if you wish to make a firm booking. Get an agreement in writing if you proceed, with all the points covered (such as cost, VAT, length of hire, equipment included in the cost, parking spaces, key return if applicable).

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Tip!

You may have to be flexible if you want to hire the place you feel happiest with. Book well in advance if possible. Be flexible too in regard to what both of you want – and what the budget will stand. Get married on a week day as many venues are cheaper than on weekends. Getting married later on in the day cuts down on your costs as you will only have one meal to cater for. Some wedding parties sit down to lunch followed by supper in the evenings pre or post dancing.

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Deciding when to get married

Planning a winter wedding

Increasingly, winter weddings are becoming more popular for both practical and pleasurable reasons. Out of season venues are cheaper to hire, you have a better pick if deciding to marry at shorter notice and costs are generally lower all-round as caterers, keen on getting winter bookings, will offer you a better deal with hopefully the same quality-led food. You can also find wintery scenery (Scotland abounds with gloriously frosty or snowy vistas) and fireplaces with blazing logs add to the romance. Homely, comfort food (cheaper to buy and easier to serve: think of coq au vin, boeuf Bourguignonne or a glamorous fish pie with puff pastry and herb cream sauce) can also make a winter wedding one to consider.

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Tip!

Winter wedding in marquees are becoming more and more popular; marquees are now easily adapted to cope with the wet and the cold.

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You may also get away with having a quieter wedding with fewer guests in winter if it is what you would prefer. A summer wedding can be seen as more hedonistic and big, with many friends and family – and work colleagues – all joining in. If your conscience gets to you, invite those not on the wedding list to a drinks reception later on. It is, after all, your wedding, not your parents’, parents’-in-law or your best friend’s – all of whom may wish to influence you. As there are fewer weddings in winter, yours will stand out and be a real treat during those dark days for all your guests. Do avoid the clichéd Valentine’s Day wedding, however. Catering and other costs go up for this cheesy calendar date. Strive for originality.

I would also try to avoid just after Christmas. This period is fraught with problems, not least seasonal greetings fatigue, caterer fatigue, guest list turmoil (‘Sorry, but we always go skiing’, ‘We always stay with auntie Bertha in the Gower Peninsula’, ‘Can we bring Flo, Marcus and Desdemona, our house guests?’). Your Christmas will be taken over by lists, plans and sleepless nights.

Deciding on a summer wedding

Summer weddings are the option taken by many people due to hopedfor clement weather, longer nights and the possibility of holding the reception out of doors, although this can never be guaranteed. But summer weddings can be more costly for the reasons given above. If your budget is tight, it may be a good idea to review having a summer one, or to have a smaller celebration. But, should you have your heart set on a summer wedding, there are ways to minimise expenses.

Your guest list

The guest list will be covered in more depth in Chapter 3, but as part of this overview, we need to take the numbers of guests into the equation. As you are looking at venues and considering general costs at this preliminary stage, you’ll need to consider your guest list first in order to decide on the size of the venue.

In the initial excitement of becoming engaged and setting a date, it is customary to want to spread your happiness to all and sundry, and share the day with a large group of friends, family and work colleagues. Hold back right now! Now is the time to be ruthless. Your spend per head will escalate out of control if you put down everyone in your address book. Be selective. You can always have a smaller wedding with a larger party after your marriage thereby ignoring no one you would like to include in your festivities.

Catering for your wedding

Your budget will have a major impact on the type of catering you can enjoy. Your first decision is whether to have a professional caterer or tackle the catering yourself. This doesn’t mean you will do it alone – family and friends’ culinary abilities will be given the chance to shine. Now is the time to work out what spend per head you envisage. At this stage it will be a rough estimate, be it from a professional caterer’s quotes or your own figures.

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Tip!

Your guests will appreciate a quality meal of simplicity rather than a complicated affair with expensively decorated tables.

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You may like to offer your guests lunch, be it a three course meal or buffet. Or you may opt for a finger food reception, a three course dinner with all the trimmings. Will you be offering food too if music and dancing are part of the late-night equation? Put an approximate sum against each person on your guest list for the food alone and add it up. This doesn’t include drink and is an excellent way of starting to cull the guest list. Chapter 2 (budgeting) and Chapter 6 (menu choice) will help you make a decision about the catering.

Formal or informal?

Formal weddings

Formal weddings are more costly of course. From quality dresses, shoes, tiaras, men’s formal attire, limos, flowers, printed invitations, a toastmaster, musicians, champagne and upmarket catering, to say nothing of the choice of venue. Formal weddings can also be highly stressful if not managed with foresight and clarity. By having a small, formal wedding, many of the above costs are minimised, and you can still have a delightful, memorable wedding.

Informal weddings

If you choose to organise a more informal wedding without observing the conventions that go with more formal affairs, there are ways of saving money. For example:

• Choose clothing that you will continue to wear at smart occasions.
• Buy your own flowers from a wholesaler and arrange them yourself or with the help of family members.
• Ask a gifted friend to bake a cake as a wedding present.
• Decorate the village hall or marquee with flowers taken from the church or registry office once the marriage service is over.
• Have more informal music, played by live musicians.

The catering, either done professionally or by you, can be simpler and more relaxed. You could, for example, offer guests a two-course buffet or finger food, and provide well-chosen wines you’ve brought over from France or have bought from your local wine shop (which is prepared to negotiate a good deal). Instead of a seating plan you may prefer to provide a general guide to seating. An informal wedding does of course need to be just as meticulously planned as a formal wedding so that guests know where to go and when, and that staff or family are primed to ensure that everything goes to plan.

Creating a wedding plan calendar

To ensure that you are able to plan your wedding day with the least possible stress it is very important to create a wedding plan calendar and keep to the schedules.

Once you have decided on the date, start canvassing your friends, colleagues and family for their caterers’, musicians’, florists’ and photographers’ recommendations.

Start combing websites, Yellow Pages and other sources to widen your search for the most appropriate companies to deal with. When phoning them, have the check list on pages 4–7 handy and a further list of questions you wish to ask also written down. Then you can systematically check them off so that you have an instant database of information rather than little scraps of paper with confusing details. Buy a notebook where you can store your information and keep it handy.

The lists below are general ones, and probably not all points will be applicable to you. Also, I have not added points such as choosing the best man or bridesmaids, for example, as this book caters primarily for the catering and event management of your wedding or celebration.

 

Nine to six months prior to the wedding:

• Create your first guest list, but be prepared to cull it.
• Get quotes and book the wedding venue and where the wedding ceremony is to be held. Carefully read over the agreement and ensure that all costs are present and correct. Make sure the VAT is added on so you won’t get a nasty surprise with the final invoice.
• Get quotes from caterers and book the company. Ensure a contract is drawn up with all the details of the menu, equipment, staff, costs (to include VAT), time, venue details, contact details.

Also make sure you know when down payments and the final payment are due.

• Get quotes from marquees and agree on arrangements.
• Get quotes from photographers and check their availability.
• Get quotes from musicians and check their availability.
• Start looking for the accommodation for the wedding party.
• Decide on the flowers: visit florists and get prices.
• Start considering where the honeymoon will be.

Six to three months prior to the wedding

• Finalise the guest list and send out invitations at least two or three months prior to the wedding.
• Decide on the style of the invitations and get quotes for the printing and any other printing work you may need such as place name cards.
• Book the accommodation for the wedding party.
• Finalise musicians’ and photographers’ bookings.
• Get quotes for the cake and book it in writing with all details and delivery.
• If doing the catering yourself, start working on the menu and making a list of supplies and suppliers.
• Get quotes for any transportation requirements and book the cars in writing with full details (time, where, when, who is to go in each car, cost including VAT).
• Book the florists and finalise details of types of flowers, delivery and time.
• Book the honeymoon.

A month prior to the wedding

• Check over details of the caterers, the venue and other major arrangements and adjust any details if necessary.
• Check to see if you have arrangements with all the companies you are dealing with in writing. If not, ask them for a detailed letter or contract and go through it, making sure that the timing, date and every last point has been addressed.
• Make up a timetable and schedule for the big day.
• Compile a contact list for the day from caterers to cars (see a sample list on page 19).
• Keep tabs on the guest list and contact those who haven’t replied.
• Inform the caterers and reception venue of final numbers a week in advance (or whatever they have stipulated in the agreement).
• Finalise the seating plan if you are having one.
• Decide who will be doing which tasks to make the days prior to the wedding and the day itself go smoothly.
• Sort out who is sitting where in the church or registry office and make a plan. Discuss this with those involved. You may wish to reserve the two front rows on either side of the aisle in the church, for example, for both sets of family placed on opposite sides. Ushers should be informed of the list.

The order of the wedding day

This list can help you to focus on your day. The timing is broken down to suit the bride, groom, ceremony venue and reception venue.

• 12.00 p.m: marriage ceremony in Chichester registry office
• 1.00 p.m: photographs in the park
• 2.00 p.m: wedding breakfast
• 4.00 p.m: toasts and speeches
• 5.00 p.m: music from the band
• 7.30 p.m: evening reception commences
• 8.00 p.m: evening disco
• 11.30 p.m: bar closes
• 12.30 a.m: carriages

Timing is all

The following lists will help to gauge the amount of time needed during the day for the bride, the groom and at the venues. Just put a time before each task to get a picture of what the day will hold for you. (Not all of the items may be applicable to you.)

Bride’s time list

• ____ Wake up / breakfast
• ____ Hair appointment
• ____ Make-up appointment
• ____ Bridal party / maid of honour arrives
• ____ Arrival of flowers for bridal party
• ____ Get dressed (approximately two hours before ceremony)
• ____ Arrival of photographer
• ____ Arrival of videographer
• ____ Photo session begins
• ____ Arrival of bridal car
• ____ Leave for ceremony

Groom’s time list

• _____ Wake up / breakfast
• _____ Florist arrives with boutonnieres and corsages
• _____ Arrival of photographer
• _____ Arrival of videographer
• _____ Arrival of car for groom and ushers
• _____ Leave for ceremony

Venue timing

• _____ Arrival of florist to decorate the church / venue
• _____ Arrival of musicians and soloist
• _____ Ushers arrive to seat guests (usually 1–2– one hour prior to ceremony)
• _____ Groom and best man arrive (usually 20 minutes prior to ceremony)
• _____ Parents of the groom are seated (if not walking up the aisle)
• _____ Bride’s mother and father arrive
• _____ Bride’s mother is seated (after last guest is seated)
• _____ Bride and bridesmaids arrive (five minutes prior to ceremony)
• _____ Prelude begins
• _____ Processional song
• _____ Registry signing song
• _____ Recessional song
• _____ Photo session begins after ceremony

Reception timing

• _____ Photo session at reception venue begins
• _____ Guests arrive at reception location
• _____ Canapés and drinks are served
• _____ Receiving line is formed
• _____ Bride, groom and bridal party are introduced
• _____ Best man’s or father’s toast (these may take place after the meal)
• _____ Response of the groom (this also may take place after the meal)
• _____ Dinner begins
• _____ Speeches

List the speakers in order of appearance by full name:

• 1. ..............................
• 2. ..............................
• 3. ..............................
• 4. ..............................
• 5. ..............................
• 6. ..............................

• _____ Dancing and music to begin
• _____ Last dance
• _____ Departure of the couple / car pick-up

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Tip!

Don’t get too hung up on timing – the list is only a useful guide. Being too regimental may spoil the day, although a structure is needed.

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Contact list

Put company names and direct contact numbers on a list and hand it to those who are helping to arrange the day. Below is a sample list; you may wish to add others such as the best man (Wake up, it’s show time! Where’s the ring?).

• Hilary Fleet – caterer: 01243 999 9999
• Mick Fleet – in charge of staff: 01243 999 9999
• John Mitchell – car hire: 01243 222 2222
• Peter Jordan – musicians: 0789 111 3232
• Lori Matthews – flowers: 01798 666 6666
• Andy Bedford – photographer: 020 700 1111
• Maurice Welford – keys to village hall: 07892 444 000
• Jonathan Digby – lighting and staging: 0798 000 1111
• Honeysuckle Weekley – cake: 01243 500 6060

Car hire itinerary

If you have a number of cars to organise don’t leave it to the last minute to decide who is going in which car and where people are being picked up. Don’t forget to make any changes to the list if people drop out or have other transport arrangements – this can lead to delays and even a frayed temper or two. Here are some sample car arrangements:

Pick-up 1

Car hire 1 – 6-seater: 11.15 a.m. sharp Passengers (5 in total): bride, bridesmaids (3) and father of the bride Location 1: from 27 New Park Road, Bath to Tollgate Registry office, 16 North Parade, Bath

Location 2: 12.15 p.m: bride and groom from Tollgate Registry office to The Manor Barn, East Wittering Lane, Delling, Bath

Pick-up 2

Car hire 2 – 8-seater: 11 a.m. sharp Passengers (5 in total): mother of the bride, grandmothers (2) and grandfather (1) Location 1: from 27 New Park Road, Bath to Tollgate Registry office, 16 North Parade, Bath

Location 2: 12.15 p.m: parents of the bride, grandmothers, grandfather, bridesmaids from Tollgate Registry office to The Manor Barn, East Wittering Lane, Delling, Bath

It is necessary to work out the logistics in full with hopefully few changes.

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Tip

Be firm with those needing transport – they can’t change who they travel with at the last moment as the transport pack of cards may collapse.

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