HOLIDAYS WITH YOUR CHILDREN

In essence, your children can go on anything that you and your ex-partner can agree. Just like special days, if she is being difficult, follow the same advice: don’t try and deal with it immediately. If she’s not co-operating; wait and tackle it later.

Remember that you need to invest your energy, not your money, in your kids. Disneyland dads are not what your children need.

Also, in the first few months, your finances will be so stretched that in all probability you won’t be able to afford to take them on holiday. Don’t fret. Look at it from your children’s perspective; all they want to do is to spend time with you. So if it is the school summer holidays, and you have the time, offer to look after them for a period. Even if you are based at home, or your parents’ house, it is still an opportunity for you to spend some quality time with your kids.

You may find that, if you spend an extended period of time in the early days with your kids, it is emotionally difficult. You will get to do all the small routines (breakfast, reading at bedtime and so on) that you miss the most. This may be difficult – when you come to take them home you will be reminded of the negative aspect of the change in your lives. Have courage at this point –and look ahead to many more times even if they are not a constant element of your routine.

When spending time with your children in the early days try to be balanced in your approach.

• Spend time and energy, not money, on your children.
• Avoid the booze when you are with them – remember that alcohol is a depressant.
• Have another adult around as you might need some support during this time.
• You might consider not taking them away with you on your own. Have other kids around, children will naturally play well together and your children will enjoy the experience.
• Plan to do simple activities.
• When it comes to taking them back, make sure that you don’t spend the first evening on your own, as you are likely to feel a bit low.
• Don’t try and ‘out fun’ mum – there is no competition between the parents. Talk to your kids and find out what they would like to do.