OTHER ORGANISATIONS

Another area of support – one that is very important to a lot of divorced dads – is an organisation that will give you specific help in dealing with your situation. For many divorced dads this means joining an organisation such as Families Need Fathers.

Families Need Fathers

Many divorced dads feel that joining a support group or attending a meeting for dads is not an activity that they would consider. They think it sounds as if they are going along to the local branch of Alcoholics Anonymous, and have an idea it will be full of sad people who have lost their way and need help. Having to sit in a circle and say, ‘My name is Bill, and I am a divorced dad who is having problems’, is definitely the last thing that anybody wants to do.

But the truth is that joining Families Need fathers (FNF) is probably the best move you can make in getting real help and advice. This is because FNF is full of divorced dads who have been there, can tell you what your possible course of action is, and it costs you nothing more than a donation. For information about your local meeting, see the ‘Useful Contacts’ section at the back of the book.

Dave has attended several meetings, and says about the first time he went,

I felt great when I came out of the meeting because I discovered that there were other divorced dads who were in the same boat as me. My ex-partner had made allegations that were completely untrue, and my self-esteem was flattened. Simply hearing that I was not alone, and that this is a regular occurrence, made me feel as if I would be able to cope, and knowing that helped.

Chris, who has been attending meetings for a few months, agrees:

When I arrived at the meeting I thought that my situation would be the worst, and that there could not be another cow like my ex. But listening to the reports from the other divorced dads made me realise that I was not the worst man off in the room. And somehow, having sympathy for the others helped me.

Aims of Families Need Fathers

Below is an extract from the FNF’s website (www.fnf.org.uk):

Families Need fathers is a registered UK charity which provides information and support to parents, including unmarried parents, of either sex. FNF is chiefly concerned with the problems of maintaining a child’s relationship with both parents during and after family breakdown. Founded in 1974, FNF helps thousands of parents every year.

FNF receives no core funding and is reliant upon membership subscriptions and donations for its continued existence. The annual subscription costs less than a few minutes of a solicitor’s time, and gives access to a wide range of information and support that is beyond the scope of some lawyers. We have a rapidly growing number of grandparents and women members.

What FNF believe

• Children have a right to a continuing loving relationship with both parents.
• Children need to be protected from the harm of losing contact with one parent.
• Both parents should be treated equally and shared parenting should be encouraged.
• Each parent has a unique contribution to make to their children’s development.
• The family courts should be backed by a nationally funded mediation service.
• Litigation is not the preferred route for resolving post separation children’s matters.

What FNF do

• FNF work to increase awareness of the problems of family breakdown.
• FNF produce booklets, leaflets, a website and a regular newsletter.
• FNF hold local self-help branch meetings throughout the UK.
• FNF provide support to members through our internet forums.
• FNF operate a national helpline accredited by the Telephone Helplines Association.
• FNF have a network of volunteer telephone contacts.
• FNF run parenting support workshops.

• FNF provide speakers and case studies for the press and media.
• FNF participate in family policy forums and seminars.
• FNF respond to government consultations.
• FNF lobby Parliament and the legal profession.
• FNF collate and promote relevant research information.

Fathers4Justice

Fathers4Justice was a dynamic movement with specific objectives and targets desperately needed to achieve for children and their families. Despite some good work, this organisation has now disbanded, and divorced dads don’t have a clear national platform to promote changes in the law.

Other support organisations

The help and support that each dad needs varies. The important thing is that you do not attempt to handle it on your own, as assistance really can help in getting to the best solution for you and your children.

Other support organisations exist to help, covering all aspects of separation, divorce, and child welfare. The ‘Useful Contacts’ section at the back of the book has more details.