What to do if this sounds like your ex-partner

God help any divorced dads whose ex-partner is becoming so hostile that they can be deemed to be acting in an implacably hostile way. In many UK court rooms this syndrome is not understood enough or even recognised by the judges and many solicitors do not have an understanding of how to use it as a legal argument. There is currently no real attempt for the courts to identify the stages of PAS that a parent is subjecting her child to –and no attempt for a court to remedy it. In addition, CAFCASS is very unwilling to lose its neutral status and make a judgement that mum is harming the child because of PAS.

PAS remains a vile problem for a small percentage of divorced dads, whose relationship with their children will never be able to recover from the damage that PAS does. What is clear is that no solution will be available in the short term, because it will take a great deal of time for the law to change and recognise this as a problem which affects children.

If you choose to walk away you will be giving your ex exactly what she wants, and unlike other cases where a break in the battle enables both parents to reassess their positions and think about the best for the child, mums who are under the influence of PAS will see a break in your contact or legal fight as a victory to be built on. They will see a break in your attempts at contact as a vindication of their actions.

The only advice that can be given is to hang on in there, to minimise your costs of fighting through the courts, and to hope that one day you will get to re-establish a relationship with your children. You could keep a diary and record what goes on – in the future it may help your children understand what you’ve had to go through in your battle to have a meaningful relationship with them.

Look for other divorced dads in the same position, and try and get as many hints and tips from them about how best to cope with what you have to face.