1 The Hen or Stag Party

One of the traditions associated with getting married is the celebration of ‘one last night of freedom’ through holding a stag party for the groom and a hen party for the bride. As these are separate events both of which need planning and organising, it would be possible to write a separate guidebook just on this section. However, I thought it was necessary to include a short section on this topic.

Remember that the organisation of the stag and hen parties is usually the responsibility of the best man and chief bridesmaid, so perhaps this section of the book should be passed on to them to get them started, with ideas on what to organise and where to begin. In most cases the stags and hens all pay for themselves for the stag or hen party, therefore it is important to find out early on what amount everyone can afford.

It has also recently become fashionable to combine hen and stag nights into a joint hag night. This is likely to have an impact on what you decide to do so the evening can cater for all tastes.

? Questions for the organisers

• What is the budget per person for the stag/hen night?
• What is the location for the stag/hen night?
• What activities will you want to take part in on the stag/hen night?
• What are the costs per person?

Cost cutting tips and ideas

The costs for a hen/stag party can soon add up when you start to take food, alcohol, accommodation, transport and any other leisure activities into account. With the introduction of low-cost flights it has become easier for people to hold hen and stag weekends in European cities with the bill running into hundreds of pounds per person.

At a time when the bride and groom are already spending money on their wedding day, some careful planning and a bit of creativity can result in hen and stag nights which are unforgettable, but do not cost a fortune at a time when funds are likely to be stretched.

• Think local – going to another city or abroad involves transport costs and possibly overnight accommodation. If you choose to do something nearer to home, it will save cash. If your friends live locally it won’t break the bank for them too.
• Rather than going out, think about a stag/hen/hag (a combined hen and stag party) party at home. If your guests all bring a bottle, there shouldn’t be too many other costs involved. There is still a lot of scope to be creative with party games and fancy dress to make it the most talked about event (until your wedding reception!).
• Keep it low-key and sophisticated. You might feel that a large stag or hen party is not for you. Perhaps celebrating with a couple of close friends or family members sounds more appealing.
• Without wanting to sound negative, another option is to decide whether you actually want a hen or stag party at all. In particular for the stags, we have all heard of many horror stories of grooms waking up at the opposite end of the country or finding themselves chained naked to a lamp post! Of course, a stag or hen party is a great way to get together with all your friends before your wedding day, but it may be worth thinking carefully about whether YOU actually want to take part in the activities of your stag or hen night, or do you feel you ought to due to the pressure from your friends?

Venue

Venue for theWedding Ceremony

One of the first decisions you will need to make about your wedding is where to have the actual wedding ceremony.

If you are having a civil ceremony it must be conducted at a Register Office or at a venue which holds a licence for civil ceremonies.

Your Local Authority should be able to supply a list of venues in the area that hold a civil ceremony licence. This information may also be available on their website.

If you choose to get married at a Register Office you should contact the staff there, who will advise you on the procedure of booking the correct date and time for your wedding. They will also advise you on all the formalities associated with giving notice of your intention to marry, the documents you will need to produce, the fees you will need to pay and the necessary timescale to allow.

If you choose to get married at a venue approved for civil marriages, you should contact the venue to make a reservation and staff there will advise you on which Register Office to contact regarding the legal formalities. If you are having a Church of England or Church in Wales wedding ceremony, you will need to contact the parish minister/vicar of the church you want to get married in. They will advise you on steps you need to take to ensure you can get married on the day you have chosen and comply with marriage legalities.

Scotland has its owns laws regarding marriage, so if you are proposing to get married in Scotland contact the venue for advice on what steps you need to take.

For a marriage ceremony in a religious building (e.g. a church [other than the Church of England], a mosque or a temple), you should contact the religious leader for advice on the correct procedures you should follow.

If in doubt, contact the venue where you want to get married and ask for advice on what you need to do. Venues that are licensed for wedding ceremonies will be used to advising couples.

You will probably need to start looking for a reception venue at the same time as you start to make arrangements for your wedding ceremony. Until you have confirmation that your wedding ceremony can take place on the date and at the time you propose, keep the venue booking as provisional, but keep in touch with the venue to let them know how you are getting on with arrangements and when you will be able to confirm the booking.

Searching for your reception venue will probably be the most time consuming task you face. First of all it is important to clarify what you are looking for in a venue.

Questions for the bride and groom

How many guests are you hoping to invite?

What type of venue are you looking for?

What type of location are you looking for?

How far are you and your guests willing to travel from the wedding ceremony venue to the reception venue?

Do you want outside caterers or a venue that supplies the catering?

Which day of the week would you like to hold your reception on?

What time do you want the day reception to start/finish?

What time do you want the evening reception to start/finish?

Do you want overnight accommodation for your guests on site?

Do you want the venue to have a licensed bar?

Are you looking for a venue where you can have a sit down meal?

Are you looking for a somewhere suitable for a finger buffet?

---

Why the Expense?

Your venue and food are probably going to be the biggest expense of your wedding day.

Remember, if you are hoping to save money, you are going to have to be creative with your venue search.

The venues which are already popular for holding wedding receptions are likely to charge higher prices. If they get plenty of bookings for wedding receptions, they are unlikely to negotiate on price as they know they can fill the venue at the set prices they already charge.

Summer Saturdays will be days of peak demand for wedding reception venues and therefore the more popular places need to make good levels of profit on these days. (If you decide to hold your wedding reception during the week, it may be possible to negotiate cheaper prices.) Venues that hold wedding fairs or advertise prominently in local wedding magazines are probably not the best ones to approach if you are trying to cut costs.

Are you looking for a venue where you can have a sit down meal?

Are you looking for a somewhere suitable for a finger buffet?

---

Venue

Where Should I Look?

When I was setting up my wedding planning service I spent 12 months searching for venues and visited over 150 venues in the Leicestershire area. There was a huge range in terms of size, appearance and location. I found the following searching techniques the most helpful.

Internet

Searching for function rooms on the internet was a useful starting place. It provided telephone numbers for several venues, but on the whole there was not much detail about the function rooms on websites so telephone contact was necessary, followed up by a visit in person to see each venue.

Directories

Local telephone directories were another good source of contact telephone numbers for various venues.

Local press

Some venues take out small adverts in the local press so it is always worth keeping a look out for these as and when they appear.

On foot or by car

Once you have selected a location that appeals to you it may be worth driving or walking around that area to see if you come across any undiscovered venues.

Word of mouth

Talk to everyone you know about your wedding reception and ask people for suggestions. Try family members, friends, friends of friends, work colleagues or anyone you bump into when you are out and about. Most people will have attended a wedding reception, party or function in recent months and may be able to point you in the direction of a venue you never knew about.

The next few pages will give you some ideas of the different types of venues you might want to consider for holding your wedding reception. Smaller Hotels/Guest Houses/Restaurants/Bars/Pub

Function Rooms

In my experience these types of venue can lend themselves well to a wedding reception. Most should offer in-house catering which makes things easier from an organisational point of view.

Questions to ask the venue

Can the venue accommodate the number of guests?

Is there a separate room or area to hold the reception away from other customers?

Can the hotel or guest house restaurant area be converted into a private function room?

Can we use the dining area for our reception on the day of the week we are proposing to hold it?

What options are available for food?

Is there a licensed bar available?

What time are last orders?

Is it possible to get a bar extension?

If yes, is there an extra cost for this?

Is it possible for us to bring wine/sparkling wine/champagne?

Is there a corkage fee associated with this?

Will the venue supply glasses if we bring our own wine/champagne?

Will there be an additional cost for this?

Is the venue child friendly?

Are the toilets in good working order?

Are there enough?

Is there enough parking?

Is there accommodation available on site for guests?

If yes, what would be the cost per night?

Is it possible to get a discounted rate if the reception is held at the venue?

If no, where is the nearest accommodation for guests?

Is it possible to have a disco for the evening reception?

Are there any restrictions regarding this such as noise or space?

Always check with the venue manager about public liability insurance, certificates of food hygiene (for in-house catering) and licensing issues regarding the sale of alcohol and entertainment. Ask to see certificates.

Community Centres/Sport Clubhouses/Social Clubs/College Halls

Another alternative I found is to hire a hall for a relatively low price. However, you need to remember that you may have to organise assistance with moving furniture, setting the hall up as well as cleaning the hall and putting the furniture away afterwards. Unless you have an army of willing friends to do this, you might end up paying for cleaners etc., which might not make the cost saving for the hall worthwhile. In addition, these types of venue are unlikely to have in-house catering and therefore this will be another separate item to organise.In addition, these types of venue are unlikely to have in-house catering and therefore this will be another separate item to organise.

 

Questions to ask the venue

Is the hall in a suitable condition to hold a wedding reception?

Is the hall suitable and clean enough to serve food?

Is the hall available for hire on the day of the week we are proposing to hold it?

Will the hall provide: tables chairs linen crockery cutlery glasses?

What cooking and cleaning facilities are available?

 

Are there any caterers associated with the hall?

Is there a licensed bar available?

What time are last orders?

Is it possible to get a bar extension?

If yes, is there an extra cost for this?

Is it possible for us to bring wine/sparkling wine/champagne?

Is there a corkage fee associated with this?

Will the venue supply glasses if we bring our own wine/champagne?

Will there be an additional cost for this?

Is the venue child friendly?

Will the hall be heated?

Can the hall accommodate the number of guests?

Are the toilets in good working order?

Are there enough?

Is there enough parking?

Is there accommodation available on site for guests?

If yes, what would be the cost per night?

Is it possible to get a discounted rate if the reception is held at the venue?

If no, where is the nearest accommodation for guests?

When can access be gained to the hall to prepare for the reception?

When does the hall have to be vacated?

Who is responsible for cleaning and tidying the hall?

Will the hall provide staff for: the bar the cloakroom moving tables and furniture?

Is it possible to have a disco for the evening reception?

Are there any restrictions regarding this such as noise?

If a venue allows you to bring your own drinks, but is unable to supply glassware, it may be possible for the caterers to supply this and also assist with pouring and serving of drinks for your guests.

Always check with the hall manager about public liability insurance and licensing issues regarding the sale of alcohol and entertainment. Ask to see certificates.

Cost cutting tips and ideas

I have now given you ideas of where to look and what to ask when you find venues, but in reality what can you do to save money?

It all depends on what you are looking for on your wedding day and also the type of food you are hoping to serve your guests. I will be covering catering in the next chapter, but as this greatly affects the type of venue you will be able to choose I need to mention this now. A traditional format for a wedding reception involves a sit-down meal after the wedding ceremony (the wedding breakfast) followed by a break for people to have a rest, then by an evening reception with finger buffet and entertainment.

• However, these days the format can vary from traditional to something that suits your lifestyle or reflects your individuality. Based on my experiences of weddings I have been involved in organising, here are some of the options available which could save you hundreds of pounds.
• One couple invited a small number of close friends and family for a sit-down meal at a modern restaurant after the wedding ceremony. They then hired a local hall and had a finger buffet for a larger number of guests in the evening. By reducing numbers at the day reception, they saved money and also had a greater choice of venues that could accommodate their guests. They paid a hire fee for the hall for the evening only and managed to find caterers to supply a finger buffet at a very reasonable price.
• Another couple held their reception at a country pub which had a function room. The function room opened out onto a terrace where guests could also sit. The reception was held in the early evening and the pub manager supplied a lavish barbecue with a large range of salads. As the couple only had to feed their guests once during the day (rather than having a meal in the early afternoon and further food in the evening) they managed to save a considerable sum of money. The pub gave them the venue hire for free as they had used their in-house catering rather than bringing in their own caterers.
• A variation on this suggestion was a couple who also began their reception in the late afternoon, but decided to supply a finger buffet for their guests throughout the evening. They hired a function hall in a hotel and kept the invitation open to their guests to come and go as they pleased, but ensured the finger buffet was replenished at several times during the evening. Although they had in the region of 150-200 guests overall, this option worked out as far more economical than trying to organise a sit-down meal, but also ensured the guests were all fed adequately.
• Another option which was chosen by some friends of mine was to have a cold fork buffet for all their guests (around 100) during the afternoon. The reception finished in the early evening and people were free to go and enjoy their Saturday night in whichever way they wanted to.

The amount you can save is largely affected by the number of guests you want to invite and the type of food you would like to provide. This is covered in more detail in the next chapter.