ADAPTING AND PERSONALISING MATERIAL

Once you are satisfied that a joke or anecdote passes the 3R test of storytelling and the Monkhouse Test, you will need to adapt it, that is make a few changes here and there until it is meaningful to your audience. For example, if you want to tell a story about a taxi driver you might well be able to adapt one about a bus driver or a lorry driver. Any gag involving motor vehicles or a long road journey could probably apply to any of them.

Then you must personalise your material. Don’t tell a story about a taxi driver – any old taxi driver – tell one about a particular taxi driver, probably about the bride, the bridegroom, the best man or you. Don’t talk about ‘a town’, mention your town. And don’t say ‘he drove down a back street’, say ‘Vikram drove down Inkerman Street’. In other words, give your audience enough local details so they can actually see the events as you describe them – if only in their mind’s eye.

Being positively insulting

Funnily enough, a teasing little joke and a sincere compliment often fit in very well together. For example:

Helen recently joined the string section of the town orchestra. She practises at home day and night. She’s always harping on about something or other [pause]. Well, angels do, don’t they?

Here’s another example:

When I asked Ian about all the wedding arrangements he said, ‘Oh, I’ll leave all that to you. But I do want Bells – and at least three cases of it’ [pause]. Well I don’t know about Bells, but I work with Ian at Grange Hill Comprehensive – and I can tell you that he is certainly one of the best Teachers I know.

So try to sugar your jokes with praise.

TIMING YOUR DELIVERY

You will have noticed that I have suggested where you pause to get your laughs. Usually this is obvious. It’s all about timing. If the guests clap or cheer (even if you weren’t expecting it), pause. If you tell a serious or sentimental story, pause for a second or two to let the moral sink in. However, if a joke falls flat, as soon as you realise it get straight on – make it seem as if no laughs were expected. Never, never repeat a joke or punchline, or say anything like ‘You’re slow today’, or ‘Don’t you get it?’ – that makes it look like you are begging for a positive reaction. If it’s funny they’ll laugh, if it’s not they won’t.

Right, here are some anecdotes and jokes about various jobs and hobbies, followed by some more general little stories, gags and other lines particularly suited to each of the main speeches. Choose one or two relevant ones, adapt and personalise them, and tell them using your own words. Or, better still, try to think of original ones yourself. If they happen to be true, or at least are based on truth, then so much the better.