COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR WHOLE BODY

When considering wedding speeches, many people concentrate solely on the spoken word. They forget that their unspoken physical messages – their body language – will also have a major impact. An audience does a lot more than just listen to a speech – it experiences it. Everything about a speaker’s manner and demeanour contributes to the overall impression and feeling an audience takes away. Body language is potent. We speak with our vocal cords, but we communicate with our whole body.

All the main elements of body language – stance and posture, movement and gestures, and eye contact and facial expression – are immediately related and interdependent. You must send out an overall co-ordinated non-verbal message. And this message must also be consistent with your verbal message or you will lose all credibility. In the words of the old Chinese proverb: Watch out for the man whose stomach does not move when he laughs.

It is not possible to successfully fake body language, but it is possible to learn how to project yourself far more positively, thereby showing your audience that you are:

• sincere
• enthusiastic
• natural
• friendly and
• proficient.

What hidden messages do you give out when you speak? If you are unsure, video yourself as you rehearse, or watch yourself in a mirror, or ask a kind but critical friend. You will probably find that you need to work on one or more of the following:

• stance and posture
• movement and gestures
• eye contact and facial expression.

However, remember that while each of these may be considered in isolation, a change made to any one of them will also have a direct and immediate effect on the others.

CONVEYING CONFIDENCE AND INTEGRITY

Your stance and posture are important. You are making a fundamental statement with your body. An aligned, upright posture conveys a message of confidence and integrity.

Early man frightened his enemies by inflating his chest and spreading his arms to present a much wider profile (see Figure 2). Modern man uses exactly the same technique, consciously or unconsciously, when he wants to convince others of his dominance (see Figure 3).

Standing correctly

Stand upright with your feet shoulder-width apart and very slightly turned out. You can then shift your weight from one side to the other, if you have to, without being noticed. Keep well clear of the table; leaning on it would make you look aggressive, and you could end up crying over spilt champagne. Don’t put your hands in your pockets or grasp them together unnaturally at your back or front. Either hold your cue card in one hand or place it on the table in front of you. This allows you to glance at it from time to time while still giving you the freedom to use your hands to help express yourself.

Don’t shield yourself

Our instincts tell us that anyone who shields himself – even with just his arms – is being defensive; while anyone who does not shield himself is perceived as friendly (see Figures 4 and 5).

REINFORCING YOUR VERBAL MESSAGES

You should be far more than just a talking head. You don’t want to be so motionless that you look like a statue on loan from Madame Tussaud’s. But, equally, you shouldn’t attempt an impersonation of John McCririck’s Saturday afternoon arm-waving histrionics. It is perfectly possible to make simple hand gestures which reinforce your verbal

messages without distracting your audience. Avoid any movement or gesture that is likely to be seen as negative or inappropriate.

Avoiding hostile gestures

Early man attacked his victims by holding a weapon above their heads and bringing it down with great force (see Figure 6). Our legacy from this is that, even today, our ancestoral memories perceive similar positions and movements as hostile (see Figure 7).

Practising your gestures

When you begin your speech you may feel more at ease if you keep your elbows at your sides with your hands held lightly in front of you. Once you get underway you will relax and your hand gestures will come naturally. As you gesture, your shoulders and head will adopt the appropriate position automatically. All your gestures should be clear, consistent and definitive. Most of all, they should be spontaneous – from within you – otherwise you will come over as robotic and insincere.

Here are a few sentences often heard during wedding speeches. Speak them out loud and support your words with appropriate and expressive gestures. If possible, video yourself. Failing that, watch yourself in a mirror or ask friends how effective your gestures are.

• ‘It was a beautiful wedding.’
• ‘I’m going to let you into a little secret about our groom ...’
• ‘Doesn’t she look elegant?’
• ‘This is the happiest day of my life!’
• ‘Please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to ...’

Being sincere

Movement and gesture give additional meaning to your words and add variety to your performance. However, there must always be good reasons for them or they will become no more that distractions. Worse still, if they are not consistent with your verbal message and the rest of your body langauge you will come over as insincere.

Identifying your bad habits

We all have at least one bad habit or gesture. Use video, mirror or friend to identify yours. Do any of the faults listed on page 118 apply to you?

• talking with your hand in front of your mouth
• pushing your glasses back up your nose
• jingling coins in your pocket
• waving your hands about for no reason
• rustling your notes
• shuffling your feet
• swaying
• making pointless gestures.

Try to eliminate any such habits because they are a powerful means of distraction. Your audience will become preoccupied with when they will happen next and will start watching you rather than listening to you.

USING YOUR HEAD

Eye contact and facial expression are crucial aspects of effective communication because they gain and then maintain an audience’s attention, create rapport, and give you valuable feedback as to how well you are coming over. The worse thing you can do, apart from mumbling inaudibly, is not to look at your audience. You should have memorised your opening and closing lines, so look at your audience as you deliver them. During the middle section of your speech try to keep your head up from your cue card for at least 90 per cent of the time.

Maintaining eye contact

Entertainers use the so-called lighthouse technique to maintain eye contact with their audiences. This means beaming all around the room slowly, tracing an imaginary X or Z shape but continually varying the size and shape of the letter to avoid your eye sweeps becoming routine and predictable. Look at everyone and make this deliberate and noticeable. Stop occasionally to look at individuals for just long enough to give the impression that you are talking to them without picking them out for special attention – unless, of course, you are picking them out for special attention. Even then keep the entire audience involved as illustrated below.

[Eye contact with the audience generally]

I would like to tell you something about my father that might surprise you.

[Pause and turn to your father]

Dad, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be standing here today.

[Pause and turn back to the audience generally]

This man helped me at a time when nobody else ... (tell your story)

[Pause and turn back to your father]

Thank you, dad.

[Pause and turn back to the audience generally and continue your speech]

Conveying emotion

But you must do more than simply look at your audience; you must use your eyes and your facial expression to convey emotion. This isn’t as difficult as it may sound. You do it every day. Practise using your eyes and facial expressions to convey: happiness, surprise, optimism, mirth, joy, love, confidence, sincerity.

Can you match up the captions and characters in Figure 9?

Smiling

There is nothing more captivating than a smile. It shows warmth and friendliness and says: I’m really pleased to be here giving this speech. It’s going to be great fun and we’re all going to have a wonderful time! So smile, smile – and then smile (see Figure 8).

Captivating your audience

The effectiveness of your speech will depend, to a large extent, on how you look and sound. Relaxed stance and upright posture, purposeful economy of movement and fluid gestures, lively eyes and facial expression, and expressive voice, will all capture your audience’s attention and greatly enhance the power of your message.