The starter and dessert are now well prepared and it is time to turn attention to the main course. Recipe for a great little speech? No waffle and plenty of shortening. The ingredients required are humour and seriousness, all applied with liberal helpings of sentiment.

Your aim is to communicate with your audience – to establish a dialogue with them – to turn listeners into participants. How? By involving them. By making them laugh. By making them cry. By allowing them not only to hear your speech but also to experience it.

As you plan and prepare the middle section of your speech, remember these three little words:

KISS THE BRIDE

This will remind you of two vital things. Firstly, the word KISS will remind you to:

Keep
It
Short and
Simple

Don’t suffer from the illusion that you can make your speech immortal by making it everlasting. In the Bible, the story of the Creation is told in 400 words (that’s about 3 minutes) and the Ten Commandments are covered in less than 300. Try to say everything you need to in less than 650 words (5 minutes). Size does matter. And no speech can be entirely bad if it’s short enough.

Secondly, THE BRIDE will remind you that it is her big day. Don’t spoil it by embarrassing her or by knocking the institution of marriage.

KISS THE BRIDE and you can’t go far wrong!

KNOWING YOUR PURPOSE AND MESSAGE

The main purpose of a wedding speech is to propose a toast or to respond to one, or to do both. The usual sequence is:

• Speech 1: Proposal of a toast to the bride and groom.
• Speech 2: Response to the toast and then proposal of a second toast.
• Speech 3: Response to the second toast on behalf of the bridesmaids.

Traditionally, the bride’s father (or a close relative or family friend) makes the first speech; the bridegroom makes the second (making it clear that he is also speaking on behalf of his wife); and the best man makes the third. However, it is perfectly acceptable for other people to speak instead of or as well as these. It all depends on the particular circumstances and backgrounds of the newlyweds. We will consider this in more detail in Chapter 8. At this stage all you need to bear in mind is that if you speak you must know your precise purpose. And it will be to propose a toast, to respond to a toast, or to do both.

While every wedding speech should include a few sincere, optimistic and entertaining words, there are some subtle differences in the messages expected from the three main speakers, as follows:

Bride’s father

This speech should contain some positive thoughts about the couple and about love and marriage in general. It should strike a nice balance of humour, emotion and seriousness. He could:

• Thank everyone for coming to celebrate his daughter’s happy day.
• Say a few affectionate words about the bride and bridegroom.
• Talk of the happiness he and his wife have experienced in bringing up their daughter. What a treasure she has been to them!
• Relate one or two amusing or serious incidents from her childhood.
• Stress his positive feelings about his new son-in-law (‘I am not losing a daughter; I am gaining a son’).
• Offer some (possibly amusing) thoughts about love and what makes a happy marriage.
• Declare his confidence that the bride and groom will make all the effort needed and will not be found wanting.

Bridegroom

This is really a general thank you speech which should also combine elements of humour, emotion and seriousness. He could:

• Say he is also speaking on behalf of his wife (‘My wife and I ...).
• Thank the bride’s father for his kind remarks and good wishes, and also for laying on this reception.
• Thank both mothers for their help (whether they have or not).
• Thank the bride’s parents for letting him marry their daughter, referring to anything they may have provided for the couple’s future.
• Add a few affectionate words about his own parents, perhaps including ‘thank you for having me’ or a reference to their kindness, care and attention during his boyhood.
• Acknowledge the invaluable services of the best man, and possibly also the chief bridesmaid.
• Thank the guests for their presence – and for their generous gifts.
• Tell everyone how lucky he is to marry such a wonderful bride, possibly relating a short, amusing episode involving their first meeting or engagement. He will dedicate himself to her happiness.
• Conclude with some complimentary words about the bridesmaids (calling them charming and delightful is safer than calling them beautiful).

Best man

This is a response on behalf of all the attendants. Unlike the first two speakers, he should not say anything too serious or emotional. He could:

• Thank the bridegroom for the toast to the bridesmaids.
• Add a few complimentary comments of his own about them.
• Make a few light-hearted remarks about the bridegroom (positive remarks with absolutely no references to any past flames).
• Offer some sincere and complimentary thoughts about the groom and the bride.
• Congratulate the bridegroom on his good luck and wish the couple happiness for the future.
• Read the tele-messages (having first checked that they are suitable for public consumption), possibly making up the final one, claiming it is from some famous and long-dead person. (‘And finally, here’s one from Henry VIII. It says, “Congratulations, this is the happiest day of your lives – and good luck for your wedding tomorrow!’”).