PLANNING THE FUNERAL SERVICE

As already mentioned, funerals can take many forms or can be dispensed with altogether. A funeral or memorial service is, in effect, a person’s last public appearance on this earth and deserves to be accorded some importance and dignity.

In Christian practice the idea behind the funeral is to commit the dead to the afterlife, but in modern times its scope has been extended to be a service of thanksgiving for the life of the person who has passed on.

Some of the most moving funerals I have attended have attempted to reflect the nature and qualities of that person, and a great deal of thought had been given by those who knew the deceased as to how this could be best expressed.

Where possible the officiant will wish to discuss the details of the service with you beforehand and make suggestions as to the form it might take. However, you and others who were close to the deceased should feel at liberty to offer ideas of your own. Topics for consideration follow:

Music

It is customary, though not obligatory, to have music at the beginning and end of the funeral service and even during it. Most people are happy to leave the choice of music to the organist’s discretion, which is quite likely to include some of the suggestions in this book (see Figure 9).

However, there is no reason why some of the deceased’s favourite music should not be played. Most cemetery chapels have facilities for playing tapes and CDs, and if you can provide the funeral director or the chapel authorities with the recordings they can do the rest. The music needs to be chosen with care. For instance, the theme from Chariots of Fire may not be the most appropriate choice as the coffin containing the deceased heads off for cremation.

My own preference is for live music, but this does not have to be confined to organ music. At one funeral I attended a young relative of the deceased played a violin solo; at another, for the writer and broadcaster Humphrey Carpenter, a jazz band played the congregation in and out of the church – a lively way of reflecting one of the deceased’s many interests.

Hymns

If the funeral is to be a Christian one, it is a good idea to have some hymns which are familiar to the congregation. If the service is to be in church three or four will be possible, but in many cemetery chapels where less than 30 minutes is allocated for the ceremony if you have more than two hymns the ceremony is likely to overrrun.

When choosing the hymns it is a good idea to ask around to find out if the deceased had any favourite hymns or expressed any preference before their death. Or you may have hymns in

mind which remind you of the deceased. Figure 10 lists some of the more popular ones.

Readings

If the funeral is to be a Christian one it is customary to have a reading from the Bible, though you do not need to confine yourself to Biblical texts. This is a good way to bring in other people to participate in the service.

Poems and other devotional texts may also be suitable for both religious and secular funerals, but they do not have to be religious. A poem or passage on a secular theme by the deceased’s favourite writer could also be chosen.

The bibliography in this book lists a number of anthologies of suitable material which are obtainable from public libraries and bookshops. Nigel Collins’ book Seasons of Life, for instance, features readings suitable for a Humanist funeral.

You can also find poems and prose on the internet using a search engine (e.g. Google) and typing in the words Funeral Readings. Figure 11 offers some suggestions and both the funeral director or funeral officiant will also be able to recommend passages if you have nothing particular in mind.

A tribute or eulogy

Normally part of the service is devoted to a description of the deceased’s life and achievements. Sometimes a family member or friend of the deceased does the tribute. However this can be an ordeal for the person or persons concerned, and I can recall instances where the person giving the tribute broke down and had difficulty in completing the eulogy.

One way out of the difficulty is to have the eulogy incorporated into the address given by the person conducting the service. In this case you will need to furnish him or her with the person’s CV and other relevant details. An alternative is to write down an account of the person’s life to be read out, as I did for my mother’s funeral.

A tribute does not have to be a grandiose affair, nor does it have to be unduly sad. A simple narration of the deceased’s life with its significant events (education, marriage, employment, etc) and a description of his or her more endearing characteristics will usually suffice. Alternatively you could take certain aspects of the deaceased’s life or personality and build the tribute around that. The booklet How to write a