PLANNING YOUR FUNERAL

Some wills specify the kind of funeral the deceased would like to have, though more often than not this is left to the discretion of those who survive you. However, there is no reason why you should not indicate your preferences to your next of kin. Brief details can be incorporated in your will or set down in writing.

Here are some points to consider:

• Burial or cremation: cremation is becoming the more popular method, but adherents of certain religions (e.g. Islam, orthodox Judaism) will normally specify burial.

• The form of ceremony: most funerals will conform to the practices of the major religions – Anglican, Catholic, Quaker, Buddhist, etc. However, if you are not a believer it is possible to have a secular funeral with no reference to an afterlife. While you could dispense with a funeral altogether, bear in mind that a funeral ceremony is for the benefit of the bereaved as well as yourself and a good funeral – as opposed to a very minimal affair – will assist them in their grieving.
• The place of the funeral: many funerals are held at a cemetery or crematorium chapel, but if you have links with a particular place of worship you may prefer to have it there. Some funerals are quiet family affairs and are followed later by a more public service of thanksgiving for the life of the deceased.
• The place of burial: for instance, you can indicate if there is a family grave or vault where you wish to be buried, or you may choose to have your ashes scattered in a particular spot. There is a trend these days to be buried in nature reserves or woodland, the addresses of which are listed in The Natural Death Handbook.
• The funeral officiant: you may have a particular person in mind whom you would like to conduct the funeral – your local parish priest or a family friend, for instance. It is sensible to suggest alternatives, just in case the person in question is unavailable.

• Music (and hymns, in the case of the Christian funeral) which you would like during the service: is there any music for which you have a particular affection?
• Flowers or donations: it is increasingly common to ask mourners to make a donation to a nominated charity (such as the British Heart Foundation) in lieu of sending flowers.
• Hospitality after the funeral: why not give your assent to a reception afterwards to restore people’s spirits after the serious business of the funeral service

When considering the form of your funeral you might also consider which funeral director you would like to use (if indeed you wish to use one at all) and pass on your recommendations to your next of kin. After a person’s death the next of kin are under pressure to appoint a funeral director as quickly as possible and rarely have time to shop around.

At funeral and memorial services it is customary to include a short account of the deceased’s life, unless you expressly forbid it. Sometimes precise information is hard to come by at short notice, particularly if you have outlived most of your contemporaries and the funeral organisers do not have time on their side to search for it. So it would be a worthwhile exercise to set down the main points of your life (with dates) in writing for the person paying the tribute to refer to. For an example of how this could be done see Figure 4.