SOURCES OF HELP IN BEREAVEMENT

Your immediate family and friends will doubtless rally round to comfort you in your loss, but if they live far away, or are few and far between, you may start to feel very isolated. However there are many organisations which can provide support in the form of advice, befriending, counselling and self-help during what could be a prolonged period of readjustment.

Many local authorities have bereavement support services operating within their social service departments, but there are also a number of voluntary organisations you could turn to. Some of these are linked to religious groups such as the Jewish Bereavement Counselling Service, the National Islamic Helpline and the Muslim Women’s Helpline, while others have no religious affiliations. In many cases the people with whom you are dealing have been through exactly the same experiences that you have and know exactly how you feel.

Cruse

One of the leaders in this field is Cruse Bereavement Care, a charity with 180 branches nationwide which can provide support for anyone who has been bereaved regardless of age, race or belief. The organisation produces a number of helpful leaflets, such as After the Death of Someone Very Close. It also has a junior section, RD4U, which offers support to children who have suffered the loss of a parent, friend or relation.

Support for loss of a partner

The National Association of Widows offers a network of local branches offering support to married widows, as well as unmarried women whose partner has died.

Another charity, the Way Foundation, focuses on widows and widowers under the age of 50, of whom there are over 140,000 in Britain.

For those whose husbands have died on active service, whether in war or peacetime, the War Widows Association can offer support. Support is also available for service families through the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Families Association (SSAFA) Forces Help and the British Legion.

The Cruse booklet Coming Through will be of help.

Support for loss of a child

The death of a child can be a heart-rending experience and there are a number of specialist organisations offering support to bereaved parents and their families, such as Compassionate Friends, whose affiliate, Support in Bereavement for Brothers and Sisters (SIBBS), supports children who have lost a brother or sister. The Child Bereavement Trust performs a similar function, and the Child Death Helpline operated from Great Ormond Street and Alderhay hospitals is another source of advice and help.

The Foundation for the Study of Cot Deaths has a helpline and network of befrienders for the bereaved, as does the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS).

For those whose children have met violent deaths, the Families of Murdered Children Association should be your first port of call.

Other support agencies

• Lesbians and gays are catered for by the Lesbian and Gay Bereavement Project, and there are a number of organisations which offer more specialist help.
• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) works with those who have been bereaved by suicide.
• Support after Murder and Manslaughter (SAMM) provides support for those who have lost a member of their family through murder or manslaughter.
• The Sudden Death Support Association counsels those who have suffered a sudden and unexpected death. Incidentally, when a violent death has occurred the police may well assign a police welfare officer to the bereaved family to offer support and advice.
• The charity RoadPeace, in addition to campaigning for safer roads, provides support for those who have lost loved ones in road accidents and also erects memorials by roads where deaths have occurred.
• Bereavement support is also available from a number of charities which specialise in particular illnesses, such as the British Association of Cancer United Patients.
• The death of a pet can cause as much grief as the death of a person, and fortunately help is available from the Pet Bereavement Support Service – a joint venture between the Blue Cross and the Society for Companion Animal Studies.

You will find details of these organisations in the Useful Addresses section of this book. Please bear in mind that this list is by no means comprehensive and you may well be steered towards other organisations (some serving a particular locality) by your doctor, community nurse or local Community Health Council. If you feel particularly desperate, you should call the Samaritans.

I accept that one-to-one counselling may not be the right solution for everyone and you may find that periods of solitude act as the best healer. In the Bibliography you will find a selection of books on bereavement which may well give you the solace you require.