WHEN AND WHERE?

Many people settle for a simple ceremony at the local cemetery chapel, especially if the body is to be cremated. Many of these are fine buildings in pleasant settings and very suitable for the purpose.

The main disadvantage is that at certain times of the year some of these venues get very busy and in their efforts to cope with the daily throughput the authorities restrict the length of time you can spend there. Many allocate half an hour or less to each funeral, though a longer slot may be possible on payment of an additional fee. You may also have little choice in the timing of the funeral.

An alternative is to have the funeral in a church, synagogue, temple or mosque, depending on the religion of the deceased, where there is less likely to be any time limitation. Usually there is more flexibility as to the timing of the ceremony, too. If the deceased has had a close relationship with one of these institutions, the authorities will doubtless go out of their way to be accommodating.

Lapsed Christians may feel they have no option but to settle for the cemetery chapel. In fact, you have a right to a funeral in your local parish church, even if you are not a regular worshipper there.

Whatever you decide, you should inform the funeral director of your preferences regarding venue and date. You may also suggest someone to officiate at the service, which could be the local parish priest, an elder from the deceased’s congregation, an officiant from the Humanist Society, a family friend or even the spouse or a child of the deceased. At one funeral I attended it was the husband of the deceased who conducted the (Humanist) funeral with great reverence and aplomb. At another the son of the deceased (a clergyman) gave the address while the service was conducted by a clergyman from the locality.

In some cases the deceased is remembered in two separate services: a small family funeral in the cemetery chapel followed (or preceded) by a memorial service at his former place of worship which is open to the wider public.