Many of us have seen the film Educating Rita. Julie Walters goes away to university and begins to change, so much so that family relationships and existing friendships begin to break down.

You may be worrying that this might happen to you. This is understandable as, for some adults, returning to education is a major life decision which can cause considerable change. However, I must stress that thousands of people return to education every year and still remain happy with their wives and husbands, partners and friends. They find education an enriching experience which serves to enhance and strengthen existing relationships rather than cause ructions and disharmony (see Chapter 10).

The amount of influence returning to education has on existing relationships depends on a number of factors. Firstly, it will depend on the amount and type of education – if an adult is attending a yoga evening class once a week, there may be little effect, apart from that person becoming a little calmer mentally and more supple physically. But if an adult is attending a full-time degree course at a local university, obviously they are open to many more influences, from other students, staff and the whole process of studying. It is inevitable that there will be some change.

Also, the amount of change experienced will depend upon the reasons for returning to education. Some people return to learning because they feel they are stuck in a rut–they are unhappy at home or at work. Education is seen to be a means by which they can escape their present, unhappy circumstances. If this is the case, then changes are both expected and desirable. Obviously the problems arise if the adult returning to education has failed to mention, and discuss these issues, with those people close to them.

DEALING WITH NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE CHANGE

In my research, adults were asked to discuss any changes they had experienced as a result of returning to education. They were asked to divide these into what they perceived to be ‘negative’ changes and ‘positive’ changes. As you can see from the following list, there are many more positive changes than negative.

When compiling this list, adults had to think very carefully about whether a change was positive or negative. For example, several people said that they had begun to understand the issues surrounding racism and when they heard racist comments from their friends, they became very uncomfortable. Some would challenge the comment which would cause friction with their friends. They felt that this was a negative change in the sense that it caused problems with existing friendships, but all agreed that it was a good thing that they had become more aware of racism.

All the adults who took part in the research felt that it had been a really useful exercise to think about what changes had taken place since they had returned to education. They felt that this had been a useful way to cope with change, especially as it had reminded them that most change had been positive.

Many of the changes mentioned in the table above relate also to the ‘benefits’ to be gained and will be discussed in more depth in Chapter 10.

MAINTAINING EXISTING RELATIONSHIPS

If you are in a relationship with another person, and you wish to remain that way, it is common sense to discuss, and try to reach an agreement, on any decisions that will affect both of you.

At first, those close to you may be suspicious of your reasons for returning to learning. They may be feeling insecure, or they may feel that you are trying to move on without them. By discussing your reasons for returning to education and talking about possible learning choices together, many of these problems can be overcome from the start.

Some adults cope with this type of change by enrolling on a course together so that they can support each other and experience change together. However, this may not be a practical solution for many couples as people might have different demands on their time.

Other adults find it useful to discuss any problems they are facing with other people who have been through the same situation. By speaking to students on their course, and to friends who have returned to education, adults find that they are able to understand that many people encounter the same problems and are able to overcome them, as the following example illustrates:

If, however, you are aware that the problems are escalating and you are finding it difficult to cope, many colleges and universities have welfare and counselling services. By speaking to a professional you may be able to sort out the problems you are facing. All advice is free to students and the counsellor should have experience of dealing with this type of problem. Ask your tutor or consult your student handbook for more details of the services available.

I must stress, however, that these sorts of serious problems only occur on rare occasions. It is true that some couples may split up, but this is because there were more serious underlying problems present in the relationship in the first place. Returning to education may have helped to bring these problems to the surface, but will not be a sole cause of the problems, as the following example illustrates:

UNDERSTANDING CLASS CONFLICT

Britain is a class society–sometimes people who return to education are accused, by their friends, of betraying their class. Again this happened in Educating Rita – she started to dress differently, cut her hair differently, took part in different social activities. Some adults describe this as a ‘push/pull’ feeling. On the one hand they are being pushed away from their friends who think that they are becoming ‘snobby’; on the other hand they feel themselves being pulled towards people who have similar interests in the classroom.

For some adults this is a difficult time, as the following example illustrates:

Sally was able to come through the difficult time because she realised that she still had the support of good friends and that she was able to make new friends as she progressed on her course. This is what many adults in similar circumstances find–true friends will support you. Ok, they might make jokes at the beginning, but if they see it is something you are really keen on, they will support you as much as you need.

Some adults suggest that if friends continue to put obstacles in your way, then perhaps they are not as good friends as you thought, and that maybe you should consider moving on to new pastures. Sally felt that, although some of her friends thought that she was becoming ‘snooty’. and perhaps moving between social classes, this was not really the case. Instead she felt that she was widening her social circles and beginning to understand more about herself. This was helping to reinforce the importance of her social and cultural roots.

INCREASING EMPOWERMENT

Many adults report an increasing sense of empowerment as they successfully pass through the education system. Suddenly they are able to make sense of their lives and realise that they are able to take more control over what happens to them. At first, this can be a difficult situation with which to cope. Like Michelle, women (and men) can find that they are not happy with their lives and present roles, realising that they are not allowed to be themselves or reach their full potential. This can lead to arguments, tension and unhappiness with loved ones or friends, as Steve illustrates:

Some tutors find it hard when they see their students going through such turmoil. However, it is only right that once people realise that they are not happy, they take steps to improve their lives. Some adults who return to education find that once they are able to gain access to more knowledge and information, they are able to challenge and change those aspects of their lives with which they are unhappy. Like Michelle, they come to realise that they shouldn’t, and don’t have to, put up with this type of unhappiness. In the short-term this may cause friction, but all agree that life is much better in the long-term after they have made the changes.

INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT

Closely connected to the theme of empowerment is the issue of intellectual development. In the above example Steve shows how he found it hard to communicate with previous friends when they had not developed their thinking in a similar way. He still wanted to keep his friends and so had to keep quiet on issues that he felt would cause arguments.

All adults find that intellectual development is an expected and realised benefit of returning to education (see Chapter 10). However, what some do not expect is that this change can cause conflict in existing relationships. How you deal with this has to be your own decision–Steve felt that he would keep quiet, others have decided to ‘move on’ from friends who will not accept the changes, as the following example illustrates:

Although you will have to decide how to deal with this issue, if you are aware that it can happen, you will be much better equipped to cope with problems should they arise.

TIPS FOR COPING WITH CHANGE

Adults were asked to give their tips for coping with change. These are listed below with the most popular pieces of advice appearing first.

SUMMARY

Most adults find that they change in some way as a result of returning to education. For some adults this change is very small and in some cases almost imperceptible–for others it is monumental. Although changes can be either positive or negative, most adults find that the change is positive. The main areas of change occur in:

• existing relationships
• perceived movement between social classes, either from the adults themselves or from friends and relatives.

This may be due to:

• increased empowerment
• intellectual development.