16 One of the main reasons why some people don’t achieve very much or enjoy life to the full is that they’re not clear what they want. This is illustrated perfectly by Lewis Carroll in a scene from Alice in Wonderland. Alice, wandering lost in the woods, encounters the Cheshire Cat sitting on a branch, grinning.

‘Cheshire Puss,’ Alice began rather timidly, ‘would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?’

‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the cat.

‘I don’t much care where…’ said Alice.

‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the cat.

‘… so long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added by way of explanation.

‘Oh you’re sure to do that, ’said the cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.’

What point do you think Lewis Carroll was making when he wrote this scene?

17 Everyone has goals. For some it is to find the next meal, for others to get through the day. Others set more ambitious goals, like completing an important piece of work or completing a marathon. You set goals all the time, whether you realise it or not. When you wake up, you mentally set yourself the goal of getting washed and dressed and arriving at work on time. Each of these goals comprises many sub-goals, such as having breakfast, starting the car or arriving at the bus stop in time for the bus, and putting your shoes on the correct feet. Sometimes these goals are imposed on you by other people, such as the children, your partner or boss.

Without thinking too hard write down your immediate goals – those that are preoccupying you right now.

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Examine your list. How do you feel about what you’ve written?

18 Your values are ideas, personal qualities and moral codes to which you are drawn. Only when you express your true values are you being true to yourself, and only then can you feel comfortable in your own skin.

Use the exercises on the next few pages to think long and hard about your values and prioritise them. Start by taking a pen and paper and consider: what do you most want out of life? Write your thoughts in your Self-Coaching Journal.

19 List the six things you most want to happen in the world. What for you would make the world a better place?

How strongly do you feel about them? Write a number between zero and ten in the right hand column, where ten means you feel it strongly in every cell of your body, and zero no strength of feeling at all.

20 Take a good look at yourself.

• What do you most look forward to?
• What really gets you excited?
• Look at your bookshelves, your CD and video/DVD collection, the pictures on your wall. What do they say about you?
• What TV and radio programmes do you enjoy? Conversely, what do you dislike?
• What turns you off or fills you with disgust?

21 What activities give or have given you the greatest feeling of achievement? In which areas of your life have you achieved the most personal fulfilment?

22 The secret of creating a happy life is to do more of what you enjoy: from that comes happiness, enthusiasm, motivation and energy. So what activities do you enjoy the most? Also, what don’t you enjoy? What would you like to clear out (physically and mentally) to make room for something better?

23 What do you stand for? What, if anything, would you defend with your life if necessary? What does this say about you?

24 If your life was perfect in every respect and you were too, what would it look like? Feel like? Sound like? Be like?

25 Supposing you had only six months to live, what would you do with your remaining time?

26 Think back to important incidents in your life where you felt compelled to act or speak out, regardless of the consequences, or where you didn’t and wish you had. What do they have in common? Is there a pattern? If so, what is it?

27 Listen to your inner self. Spend a few minutes each day relaxing in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, slow your breathing and let your muscles relax (there’s more about this on page 93, and in the companion book, 365 Steps to Self-Confidence). Ask your inner self, ‘What is important to me?’ ‘What do I most value in a job, relationship, hobby, myself, my friends, etc?’ Allow yourself to daydream. When you open your eyes, write down anything that comes to mind.

28 Now look at everything you’ve written from section 18 to 27 and list your top ten values. Examples could include achievement, compassion, environment, health, honesty, generosity, family, love, enterprise, fun, fairness, security, independence, spirituality, etc.

Rank them, and say what you mean by each of them on the grid below. If ten isn’t enough, use a separate sheet.

29 Research shows conclusively that people who consciously set themselves goals accomplish far more than their contemporaries.

In a very famous study at Harvard University in 1953, only three per cent of the graduating class was found to have written goals and a plan for achieving them. Twenty years later, these three per cent had accomplished more and accumulated more in financial terms than the other ninety-seven per cent combined! Moreover, they were happier and more fulfilled.

Subsequent studies confirmed these results. Why do you think this is?

30 Why are goals so important? Your goals are present-day mental images of future events. They keep your mind firmly focused on what you want. Successful people, when not actively doing something about their goals, are thinking about them, visualising them, imagining and feeling them already accomplished.

This makes a major impact on your subconscious mind. The subconscious houses, among other things, a sophisticated automatic guidance system, like an autopilot. Its job is to seek out whatever you consistently focus your attention upon. Setting goals specifies the ‘coordinates’. The autopilot then guides you towards your specified target by, for example, alerting you to opportunities and providing the impulse to take action.

If you fail to set clear goals, that is, select a destination, the autopilot is confused. It doesn’t know where exactly you want to go, so it takes you round and round in circles like a missile that has been fired without programming in a target. Eventually, like the missile, you run out of energy, give up, or self-destruct.

It’s been said that human beings are like bicycles – as long as we steer and keep pedalling we stay upright, but when we let go of the handlebars or stop pedalling we lose momentum, wobble and fall off.

The subconscious doesn’t reason or ask questions, it simply does as it’s told. If you let it know, explicitly or implicitly, that you have no direction in mind, fine! As the Cheshire Cat pointed out to Alice, any direction will do.

Do you give your subconscious autopilot clear coordinates?

31 Another advantage of clear goals is that they tarn frenetic action into effective action. Many people are busy, but busy-ness is only the same as effectiveness if actions are goal-directed. A marathon runner heading off in the wrong direction could cover the same distance and burn up as much energy as the other competitors, but wouldn’t win the race. Would you go to a booking office and ask for a ticket without saying where you want to go? Of course not!

Do you know where you want to go? Is your destination clear? Have you booked your trip?

32 When you’re clear on your goals, you often find you attract people who can support and help you. People who themselves have a sense of purpose in their lives are drawn to you, and you to them, and the people you mix with have an enormous effect on you.

Do you attract positive, go-ahead people who help and encourage you to make the most of life?

33 Appropriate, meaningful goals provide powerful motivation, especially when you are clear why you want to accomplish them. A realistic, attainable, challenging and desirable goal creates energy and enthusiasm, and the new skills and personal qualities you develop tap into the vast reserves of creativity, intuition and imagination that lie within you. Your confidence grows, and you begin to feel (perhaps for the first time) that you’re in charge of your own future.

Do you feel that you are in charge of your own future? Does this future inspire, energise and motivate you?

34 An enthusiastic teenager made a list of all the things he wanted to achieve. When he had finished, he had written down 117. Many were typical of a 15 year-old, but his ambitions also extended to climbing Mount Everest, visiting every country in the world and even flying to the moon.

By the time that young man was 47 years old he had ticked off 103 of his goals, including flying to the moon. His name was John Goddard, one of the Apollo astronauts. He is a perfect example of what can be accomplished by a person with challenging, clear-cut goals.

When you were a teenager, what were your major goals? How many of them have you achieved?

35 There’s nothing more important than finding a sense of purpose that gives your life meaning, and inspires and motivates you.

Arianna Huffington makes the point succinctly in her book, The Fourth Instinct:

‘Give a gibbon a mate, a peaceful stretch of jungle and plenty of figs to munch on, and he will most likely live in contentment for the rest of his days. Give a man or woman an environment correspondingly idyllic-say, a successful career, adorable children and all the comforts civilization has to offer – and we feel dissatisfied, restless and vaguely aware that there is something very important missing from our lives.’

As a human being, your life is about much more than munching on figs. You need purpose; you need direction.

36 In your Self-Coaching Journal write a short paragraph that summarises your feelings about your life’s purpose. This is your mission statement. It expresses what you would like your life to be about and how you can find fulfilment in a way which benefits others as well as yourself.

A typical mission statement could be:

• My mission is to play my part in conserving the environment.
• I am an entertainer. My role in life is to bring people happiness.
• My mission is to help combat discrimination wherever I find it.
• My role is to work for young people and fight cruelty to children.
• I love gardening. My mission is to make the world a more beautiful place.
• My mission is to make lots of money so I can plough it into good causes.
• My role is to design and make beautiful clothes that help people feel good about themselves.
• My mission is to spread love, peace and happiness to everyone I meet.

37 What would you like to see written about yourself in the obituary columns when you die, or alternatively, what you would like your children and grandchildren to tell their children about you?

Record it in your Self-Coaching Journal.

38 Imagine you are 90 years old, reflecting on your life. What are you most proud of? Have you accomplished everything you wanted so far? If not, what have you not done? On what have you missed out? What would you like to do with your remaining time?

Jot down your thoughts.

39 Finding your purpose is not an intellectual process – you must get in touch with your inner self. Tonight and for the next few days, ask your intuition to work on your mission statement just before you drop off to sleep.

In the morning write down anything relevant that comes into your mind, or draw a picture, chart or diagram.

40 Spend time in nature. The peace and tranquillity will quieten your mental chatter and allow you to focus on what’s really important to you. Take a small notebook with you and write down anything that seems relevant, or, if you prefer, use a voice recorder.

41 Ask yourself (and write down the answers):

• If I could achieve anything I wanted with no possibility of failure, what would it be?
• If I won ten million pounds, euros or dollars (or any other currency) in a lottery and I wanted to use them to benefit humankind, how would I spend them?
• If I could have three wishes granted, what would they be?
• If I inherited a fortune, what would I do for a career even if I were not paid to do it?

42 What did you enjoy as a child (children are more closely in touch with their intuition)? If you can’t remember, go through old photo albums or scrapbooks, or ask your parents, brothers and sisters for their recollections.

Ask yourself how you build on these things, do more of them or do them more often. Write down your answers.

43 Reflect on the coincidences in your life. Do the same people, events, problems or opportunities keep cropping up? Is there a pattern? Is it possible that your subconscious autopilot has been trying to guide you?

44 Having completed the above exercises, reflect on what they reveal about your inner desires and inclinations. Then write your mission statement and record it in your Self-Coaching Journal.

Check: does it state how you intend to benefit others as well as yourself?

45 Find the right vehicle

Setting major goals is about finding the right vehicle for pursuing your mission and bringing your dreams into reality. Minor goals should lead to major goals and provide variety and light relief.

Naturally, individuals with similar missions may pursue them in different ways. One who wishes to help homeless young people, for instance, could train as a social worker and find employment with a local authority; another may volunteer to work in a charity shop or raise money in other ways. Another may work in an information and advice centre, or campaign through a political organisation, or help organise a hostel or soup run. All would say they had the same aim, but express it in different ways.

Similarly, not everyone would feel comfortable running their own business, while others thrive working for themselves. Many do not enjoy working for large organisations, but others make their greatest contribution this way. Some like to lead; others follow. Some prefer to go it alone: others are more comfortable working as part of a team.

Think carefully about your long term aspirations and ask yourself: ‘What is the right vehicle for me?’

46 The next few pages offer clear guidelines for establishing your goals. Use the goal setting pro-forma (1, on pages 6–7), together with the guidelines on the next few pages. Photocopy sufficient for your needs; you’ll need one copy for each goal. If you are using a ringbinder for your Self-Coaching Journal you can file them there.

47 State each goal in positive terms – goals are supposed to be what you want from life, not what you don’t want. Use simple, straightforward language such as ‘My goal is to…’ or ‘I want…’ or ‘I have’.

Under ‘life area’, choose from:

• 1Health.
• 2Career.
• 3Money.
• 4Home/family life.
• 5Social life.
• 6Hobbies and pastimes.
• 7Lifestyle.
• 8Personal development/spiritual life.

If you don’t like my classifications, by all means choose your own.

Don’t worry if you can’t think of something in every area. Not every life area is of equal importance at any one time, and your priorities will change; 12 months from now a life area that doesn’t seem that important now will probably assume greater importance, and vice versa.

48 State your goals in the present tense. Express than as if already happening, not as future events. For example, ‘I am the proud winner of an Olympic medal,’ not, ‘I will aim to win an Olympic medal.’

49 Establish the date by which you intend to accomplish each goal. A programme of goals is not a wish list, but a statement of your intentions. Without deadlines they have little motivational power and no urgency.

Make your target dates challenging but realistic; setting ambitious goals within impossible deadlines can be demotivating and damaging. Instead, choose realistic deadlines and work steadily towards them.

Some goals lend themselves to a firm deadline, such as becoming a vegetarian, setting up a business, visiting Moscow, buying a car, decorating the living room, etc. Others (including many personal development goals) don’t suddenly come to fruition on a particular day. Building confidence and self-belief, for instance, is an ongoing process. With these goals, write ‘ongoing’ (as long as this is not a cop-out and you do intend to work on them).

50 On your goals pro-formas write down all the benefits that will accrue to you, your loved ones, friends, your community and the world at large when your goal is achieved. The more you can think of, the greater the pulling power of your goal.

Include plenty of benefits to you personally. What would achieving this do for you? How would your life be better? What sort of person would it make you?

On the back of the sheet you may find it helpful to write down all the reasons why it’s important that you do not fail, and anything that you want to eliminate from your life which will be gone when you achieve your goal, such as loneliness, financial hardship, boredom, excess weight, etc.

Everyone is motivated to some extent both by moving towards what they want and moving away from what they don’t. You mustn’t dwell on failure, but a realistic assessment of the consequences of not succeeding can help concentrate the mind.

51 List the intermediate steps, the stepping stones on the way to your goal, with the dates by which you intend to achieve them. You need long-, medium- and short-term goals. Some of your medium- and short-term goals are like milestones towards your long-term goals; the remainder stand on their own, some important in their own right, some for fun.

Think of achieving your ambitions as climbing a ladder:

• What’s at the top?
• What must you do to reach the top?
• What is the first step? Write it down and commit to taking this step right now.
• What’s the next step?
• The one after that?
• Where do you want to be five years from today?
• What is your priority for the next 12 months? Three months? Next month?

You need lots of short-term goals so you’re able to continually assess your progress towards your longer-term goals.

52 Identify the support or infrastructure required to achieve your goal. This could include other people whose skills, knowledge and practical assistance you need to access, financial and material resources, organisations you need to tap into, etc.

Many goals require support from orner people or organisations. Who might these be? Who will help you achieve your goal? You’ll need people to complement your own skills and contacts who can provide information and practical assistance. Can you anticipate your support needs? Where will you look for it?

It may help to assemble support material for your main goals – news articles, books, tapes, videos/DVDs, magazine articles, websites, lists of useful contacts, etc. Review these often.

53 How will you know when you’ve achieved your goal? What are the key performance indicators? Are they observable, measurable?

Close your eyes and imagine you have already done it – how is life different? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Sound like? Use the senses to pull it closer. Hold on to this feeling for a few moments. Then open your eyes and write down anything that comes to you.

Visualise your goal as reality every day. Make it real in your imagination, and you will make it real in your life (see pages 103–105).

54 To strengthen your commitment, sign up for your goal on the dotted line, date it, and set a date for review one to six months hence, depending on the allotted timescale. Write the review date on your wall chart.

Review your short-term goals every week, your medium-term goals monthly and long-term goals at least every six months. Also, check that your short- and medium-term goals are still consistent with your primary goal.

55 Now write your main goals down on a small card. Keep it in your wallet or purse and carry it around with you. Read them through first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Read them aloud. Read them frequently to keep them at the forefront of your mind. Not only does this help impress them on your subconscious autopilot, it also reminds you of the actions that you must take to move you closer to their completion.

56 Start by identifying your primary goal. This goal will define the direction of your life and be closely related to your values and mission. Then write down your subsidiary goals.

Free your imagination – don’t worry about the ‘how’ part at this stage, just be totally honest about what you want from your life.

Don’t make your goals list too long at first. If you try to achieve too many things at once you may diffuse your endeavours and end up accomplishing very little.

57 You may have to be prepared to specialise if your main goal is an ambitious one, at least for a year or two. Every one of us has the ability to attain excellence or make an outstanding contribution at something, but if you want to be a great musician it’s unlikely that you’ll also have the time to become a great athlete. It’s possible, but improbable.

To do yourself justice you may have to channel most of your energies towards one major goal for a while. If you’re studying for some important examinations in six months, it is perfectly reasonable to give it most of your time and attention. But be clear on how long you intend this phase of your life to be.

58 Set some lesser goals that are relatively easy to accomplish. This reinforces the goal setting habit and gives you encouragement. Not all your goals need to be momentous. Minor goals, like solving a crossword puzzle or finishing a task in time to watch a favourite TV programme, are the stuff of our daily lives, but by themselves are not life-changing. You also need goals that stretch and challenge you. Above all, your goals must excite you. When you examine your list of goals, do you have a feeling of excitement in your stomach? If so, good! You’re on the right lines.

59 If you find it easier to come up with ‘don’t wants’ than ‘wants’, turn them around. For example, your internal dialogue may go something like this:

‘I need a job, but I don’t want to work in an office.’

‘OK, so would you like to work behind a bar?

‘Not likely.’

‘In a shop ?’

‘No.’

‘A factory?’

‘Absolutely not.’

‘Would you like to work outdoors?’

‘Not really. But I would like to have a job that involves travel.’

‘What would be your ideal travel job?’

And so on.

60 Don’t try to set goals on other’s behalf, for example:

• I want my son to go to university.
• I want my children to be interested in music.
• I want my parents to accept me as I am.
• I want my friends to realise what a special person I am.
• I want my daughter to train as a nurse.

Only the individuals concerned are qualified to set these goals, because only they can make them happen.

61 Be specific. What exactly do you want? How much of it? Where do you want it, when, in which situations?

Avoid nebulous words and phrases like ‘I want to help people’. Exactly how do you want to help them? It’s no use writing that you want to be happier (or healthier, or richer, or more popular, etc): what does this mean for you in detail? If your goal is to acquire a material object, be precise. What make and model will that new car be? How many rooms will your dream house have, and what about a garage, garden and conservatory? If you want a better job, what specifically does ‘better’ mean? More money (if so, how much?), more fun, more freedom, meeting more people, more travel, more time outdoors?

Here are some examples:

• My goal is to earn ε thousand a year by the end of the year 2.…
• My aim is to pass my exams this summer with distinction.
• My goal is to win the tennis club championship this year.
• It is 31 July, and I own a new BMW 6 Series.
• My goal is to shed 201b by 30 June so my weight is no more than 12 stone.
• My goal is to contact 20 organisations in South America and get myself invited on a lecture tour.

62 Think carefully before you settle on your final list. Are your goals sufficiently challenging? Are there any negative consequences of achieving a goal, and can you live with them? Are you being fair to yourself? Also, remember your goals must include basic personality and lifestyle changes; without them you won’t achieve any of your other goals.

63 Don’t try to identify all your goals at once. Keep coming back to them and be willing to update your list. Once you’ve started the process ideas will keep popping into your head. Spend time in contemplation. Are they really what you want? Do they provide the fulfilment, the excitement and enjoyment you seek? Fine-tune your list to make sure you have only written down things you really desire.

The big test of whether a goal is right for you is to ask yourself, ‘If I could have this right now, would I take it?’ If the answer is an unequivocal ‘yes’, eureka!

64 Don’t shirk a challenge; pretending you don’t want something just because it’s difficult to get is self-defeating. Remember the tale of the fox and the grapes? The fox couldn’t reach the grapes, so he convinced himself they were sour.

Don’t be like the fox. Accept that you want your goals realised and don’t have them, but don’t decry them. There’s a price to be paid for living your dream - the time, effort and, yes, occasionally hardship and inconvenience. How much time and effort are you prepared to commit to getting what you most want from life? If you’ve identified the right goals, any sacrifices are worth it.

65 Choose your own goals. This may seem obvious, but many people fall into the trap of doing what is expected of them. They try to live up to their parents’ expectations, or match someone else’s achievements rather than focusing on what is right for them.

Sir Viv Richards, the West Indian cricketing legend, did not make this mistake. As a youngster he lived and breathed sport. His talent was so obvious, his headmaster turned a blind eye to his neglected schoolwork and allowed him to concentrate on cricket. However, his father saw his son’s sporting obsession as a distraction and did everything in his power to steer him into a ‘proper’ job.

If Sir Viv had gone along with his father’s wishes, would he have been as successful? Unlikely. Would he have been as happy? Not a chance. If you allow someone else to set your goals, the inner drive isn’t there. So choose your goals for yourself and commit yourself to them wholeheartedly.

66 Make your short-term goals demanding but realistic. Short- and medium-term goals are only effective as motivators if they you think they are attainable within your chosen timescale. Short-term goals should be ten to 20 per cent beyond your current state, challenging but within reach. To move each goal along, take a few moments every Sunday evening to think about what you can do in the next seven days.

67 To stay on track:

• Buy a wall chart/calendar and plot your short- and medium-term goals on the target dates.
• Use a desk-top calendar and set your goals for next month.
• Use a pocket week-at-a-glance type diary to remind yourself of the main activities for the next seven days.

68 When you have specified a goal, think about the first step you need to take. Write it down.

Commit to taking this first step now. Do something today to get started. Make a call, set up a meeting, think about the resources you need, start investigating the options, talk to someone who can help you, whatever you need to do. After that, take action every day, refusing to hesitate, doubt or give in.

69 Update your list on a regular basis. What you wanted five or even two years ago might not be what you want at present. Circumstances change - children grow up, companies reorganise, problems arise and are solved, relationships change.

Critically review your major goals and your plans annually (31 December is a good day - make your New Year’s resolutions really count for something). Make any changes that are appropriate. It will become obvious when a goal no longer has any attraction for you, so drop it. Goal setting is not supposed to be so rigid and inflexible that you can’t make alterations, but don’t change a goal just because it seems too difficult. No one ever built a better life by copping out.

70 Keep your goals confidential, or, if you must, share them only with like-minded individuals who have goals of their own or people who can help you.

Many people are quite derisive about anyone who has dreams and ambitions, which can be very disheartening, especially if things aren’t going well.

71 Before you settle on your final list, make sure your goals are reasonably balanced and complementary. Make sure that you are not paying too much attention to, say, your social life at the expense of your career or family. Lopsided goals usually result in problems in the neglected areas.

Also make sure that your goals are, for you, physically possible. For example, if you have not exercised regularly for a while, have yourself checked out by a doctor before commencing on an exercise programme.

72 People work for a variety of reasons:

• For fulfilment.
• Money.
• To meet other people.
• Status.
• Travel opportunities.
• Sense of vocation.
• Prevent boredom.

How about you? Why do you work? Are you sure that’s the main reason? At times when you feel frustrated or irritated with an aspect of your work, do you maintain a deep feeling that what you’re doing is right for you?

73 If you are gainfully employed, how do you feel about your work?

• Do you find it easy to go to work most days?
• What do you like about your job? Hate about it?
• How stressed do you feel at work?
• What do you get out of it?
• Do you need to earn more, but don’t know how?

If you are not working, how do you feel about that? Would you like to work? What would you ideally like to do?

74 Imagine your ideal job.

• What would the work entail?
• Do you want to work full-time or part-time? Regular hours or flexible hours?
• How do you feel about working in a team or managing others?
• What level of salary and benefits would you want?
• Would you prefer to be employed or self-employed?
• Would home working suit you?
• What qualifications, experience and personal qualities would you need to do that job?
• Are you prepared to move for work? Are you willing to commute?
• How far would you move for the right opportunity? Would you like to work abroad?

Write down your thoughts.

75 Imagine you are applying for your ideal job. Prepare a letter of application and a CV. If you were interviewing for this ideal job, would you offer it to yourself? If not, why not? What new skills, character traits, qualifications and experience do you need?