178 Non-Judgement

Our judgements are the biggest stumbling blocks to satisfying relationships. We constantly judge what others say and how they behave. We live by our judgements, but how do we know they are justified? What right do we have to judge our fellow beings? We cannot know what is right for anyone other than ourselves.

It’s not easy, but giving up judging is essential for inner peace. When we stop judging we become more tolerant. We see the things we used to judge differently, as opportunities to raise our vibration by thinking higher thoughts.

When you are tempted to judge another, remember that they are on the path which is right for them, and are where they need to be. Tell yourself to stop, drop the thought and replace it with an affirmation such as, ‘I gladly and willingly accept … as it is/they are.’

179 Stop Judging By Appearances

A few years ago, a TV advertisement showed a shaven-headed young man running along a street towards an elderly woman and then pushing her to the ground. The camera pulled back to show a pallet of building materials falling from an overhead crane. Seconds later, they landed where she would have been if the young man had not done what he did. Far from being a mugger, he was a hero. He had saved her life.

The point of the advertisement was, of course, that it is dangerous to judge by appearances because we don’t always see the bigger picture.

Train yourself to look for the reasons behind an individual’s behaviour and learn from it if you can, but don’t pass any judgement. Simply bless them. Be content to allow natural justice to take place.

180 We Label Ourselves With Our Judgements

When we judge another, it says nothing about them but a great deal about us. Judging someone to be an idiot doesn’t make them one, but it does expose you as a person who needs to judge. Who would you be if you didn’t have this need? How would your life be different?

Try this: Concentrate on thinking and acting non-judgementally for thirty minutes today. If you catch yourself judging, stop, drop the thought and replace it with an affirmation. If you don’t manage it, try again tomorrow. If you succeed, think and act non-judgementally for an hour tomorrow. Gradually increase this until you can go a whole day without judging.

181 The Blame Game

The blame game destroys peace of mind. Blaming starts with making judgements. It fixes you in the past, distracts you from worthwhile actions, weakens your Spiritual Power and sets up conflict and resentment.

Don’t blame anyone else for what appears to be wrong with your life. Take responsibility for putting it right. Equally, if others seek to blame you, it doesn’t necessarily make it your fault. Ignore them; their judgements are their concern, not yours.

182 Bearing Grudges Harms Only You

I’m often struck by the way victims of crimes react when pressed to say how they feel in front of the news cameras. Some burst into tears, some express their loss and others express a desire for vengeance. ‘We want justice,’ they say. ‘No punishment is sufficient to repay what they did. We’ll never forgive. Why should we?’

This is understandable perhaps, but they are storing up trouble for themselves. No one can have peace of mind and at the same time cling to a desire for retribution. Anger overwhelms common sense. If someone treats you unfairly, let it go as quickly as possible, otherwise you are sabotaging your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

183 Practise Forgiveness

Judging, blaming, bearing grudges and forgiveness are closely related. Before you need to forgive you must have judged, blamed and felt a measure of fear. Otherwise there would be nothing to forgive.

If you’re in an unforgiving frame of mind, there’s a lesson you need to learn. What is it telling you? Listen carefully to your Higher self. Next time, if a similar situation occurs you will handle it better.

It is not for you to decide whether the recipient deserves to be forgiven or not. Creative Intelligence working through the Law of Cause and Effect ensures that justice is done. Forgiveness is not about condoning wrongdoing, but is part of the process of righting wrongs and putting something better in their place.

184 Five Reasons To Forgive

• 1.When we forgive, we free ourselves from anger, bitterness and resentment and create inner peace. Our bodies feel less tense. The incident becomes merely a memory, no longer charged with emotion.
• 2.Everything we give out returns to us. When we forgive, the bitterness evaporates and we avoid being on the end of others’ bitterness in future.

• 3.We take responsibility for our lives rather than expecting something outside our control to happen or someone else to change.
• 4.We forgive not so much for the other person (they may know that we’ve forgiven them). We do it for ourselves. Who benefits the most when you forgive – YOU! There’s a wise old saying: Acid harms only the vessel that contains it.
• 5.Forgiveness brings our awareness to the present. We let go of the past, stop plotting for the future, let go and move on.

185 Forgiveness Exercise

Make a list of anything or anyone you would like to forgive.

• Who didn’t live up to your expectations and why?
• Who do you need/want to forgive and why?
• What have they done?
• What would you like to forgive?
• Can you think of a stress-free reason to hang on to your grudge?
• Send them love and light. Affirm: ‘From this moment on, I send you love.’
• Decide how you will behave if you are ever in their presence.

186 Forgive Yourself Too

Guilt is one of most disempowering emotions, and one of the most common. Many people fret over things they can do little about, and some even feel guilty knowing they’ve done nothing wrong. Guilt is a futile emotion because it is rooted in the past which, of course, can’t be changed. All we can do is change our thoughts and feelings about it.

What about you? You deserve forgiveness as much as anyone else. What do you need to be forgiven for? Compassion for all beings must include you. You have made mistakes – we all have. At the spiritual level everything happened for a reason. Instead of feeling guilty, look for the lessons and don’t make the same mistakes again.

187 Do You Find It Hard To Forgive?

Do you ever feel you’re not ready to forgive because the wrongs you have suffered are too great? If so, start by wanting to, then intending to forgive. The willingness to forgive is a major step which allows CI to sweep through us and clear away the hurt.

• Examine your beliefs about forgiveness. Do you believe that you have to get your own back for every wrong done to you? Do you believe that forgiveness is a sign of weakness? Do these beliefs serve you well?
• Eliminate unforgiving thoughts. Tell yourself you don’t want to think this way. Sow thoughts of love, empathy and forgiveness. Affirm – ‘Perfect order is now established in my mind. I am at peace.’
• Picture the person who you wish to forgive or look at a photograph of them. Surround this image in white light and affirm, ‘From this moment on, I send you love and light.’ ‘See’ the two of you as connected and equal parts of CI.
• Extend love, generosity and compassion to them and avoid petty acts of revenge.

188 Accept Others As They Are

Perhaps the biggest mistake we make in relationships is wishing other people were different and trying to change them. This leads only to resistance and resentment on both sides. They’re not going to change for you unless they want to. Few will measure up to your ideals – and why should they? Do you always measure up to theirs?

Accept people as they are. Be happy for others to be themselves. Affirm, ‘I gladly and willingly accept everything and everybody exactly as they are.’

189 Everyone You Meet Has Something To Teach You

Everyone you meet has something to teach you. Sometimes you only realise what you’ve learned with hindsight since it may not be obvious at the time. Usually you learn most about yourself, but it could also be about other people or life in general.

Welcome everyone into your life. Don’t dismiss anyone whatever their background or appearance. See everyone you meet as a gift to help you in your quest for spiritual growth.

190 You Can’t Change Others

You can’t change others because you are not in charge of their thoughts. Nor can you control them. You can influence them, you can even take away their liberty, but you are never sure what they are thinking. They have their own thoughts and they are not yours to control.

Other people only change when they want to. They think for themselves and make their own decisions. And whose business is it anyway? Not yours! Once you accept this, you remove many of the difficulties you may have had dealing with others.

191 Seek To Empower Others

Seek to empower others. Help them to be themselves and fulfil their own aspirations, even if they are not what you would choose. Who are you to know what’s best for them? Use this affirmation: ‘I encourage and support you to be yourself, to follow your inclinations and behave in ways that you decide are to your liking.’

You’ll soon find your relationships improving. Everyone is drawn to people who want for them what they most want for themselves.

192 Conflict

Conflict is an inevitable part of life. The ego, which rules most of us, loves conflict. It makes it feel important. The Higher Self wants to be at peace, so make friends with your adversaries as quickly as possible.

Most conflict can be talked through and resolved with a little goodwill on both sides. If you are experiencing conflict, remember:

• 1.If someone is aggressive towards you, they’re attacking your physical form and personality, not who you really are.
• 2.Most conflict is not about you and them, but an opportunity to reflect on your growth and deepen your relationship with CI.
• 3.First deal with your own feelings. Try to work out any conflict within yourself and mentally send the other love and light. This can work wonders because your adversary picks it up at the energy level.
• 4.Let go of all bitterness and hatred and hence the misery that goes with them. They are harming only you and doing nothing to resolve the situation.

193 You’re Right About That

Most confrontations are not worth fighting over, just differences of opinion. When you are engaged in an argument, ask yourself, ‘Do I want this or would I rather have peace?’ Then smile inwardly and say:

‘You’re right about that!’

It doesn’t make the other person right, of course, but you’re giving their ego what it needs. Over time, they’ll see where you’re coming from. They’ll realise they’re picking a fight with someone who won’t fight back and amend their behaviour. Besides, you may not be right either!

(I picked up this tip at a talk given by Dr Wayne Dyer.)

194 Love Your Enemies

Problems with others usually occur because our own thinking is in error. With no enmity in our thinking, we have no enemies, which is why Abraham Lincoln observed, ‘Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?’

An adversarial state of consciousness is disempowering and detrimental to our mental – and physical – health. Go within and seek the peaceful side of your nature where there is no enmity. If others don’t respond, send them a blessing and let it go. Their anger and aggression is their problem.

Our so-called enemies are our finest teachers. Aim to make peace with them. Do this whether or not they deserve it (which can be a difficult judgement in any case) but to prevent your ego from dominating you and allow your Higher Self to play a greater role in your life.

195 Be Grateful to Those Who Test You

Eric Butterworth tells of a distinguished writer who visited a Quaker friend. Each evening, they walked to the street corner to buy an evening newspaper. The friend would be cheerful and pleasant, but the news vendor would always respond with a grunt. The writer commented on this one night. ‘Why are you so nice to him?’ he asked his friend.

The Quaker tellingly replied, ‘Why should I let him determine how I am going to behave?’

Be grateful to those who make life difficult, and don’t let them rule your behaviour. They contribute to your life’s purpose and indirectly aid you in your spiritual growth.

196 Animals

Respect and care for all living creatures; they too are expressions of CI. They feel happiness and pain and deserve our kindness. Without animals, the planet would become uninhabitable and the human race could not survive. We share more than 95% of our genes with many of the higher mammals and are as interdependent with them as with each other.

197 Protecting Your Energy Field –Psychic Protection

Occasionally we meet people whose energy is so negative and overpowering that we need to protect ourselves. The best way is not to fight back, but to affirm your Spiritual Power. If this fails, create a protective mental shield around yourself to stop their destructive energy getting through.

If you are a Star Trek fan as I am, you’ll remember that when the Starship Enterprise is under threat, the Security Officer creates an electronic force field around the ship which repels the attack. Use this idea to protect yourself from psychic attack. Say, ‘Shields up,’ and imagine yourself surrounded by an impenetrable forcefield. Affirm that nothing can harm you inside your safety bubble.

This may seem wacky at first, but give it a try. Like all techniques, it becomes more effective with practice.

198 The Big Secret of Fulfilling Relationships

Many people enter into relationships for the wrong reasons. They think about what they can get out of them and what they are willing to trade. As soon as they stop getting what they want, they break off the relationship.

Successful relationships, on the other hand, come about when all parties focus on what they can put in, providing they remain true to themselves. Otherwise, they are like actors wearing masks – hardly a recipe for long-term happiness.

You’re unique and you’re on your own path, but none of us can make it entirely on our own.