Being concrete to help the client be more specific

Being concrete means being able to get clients to be concrete or specific, although at times it can be quite difficult, yet it is essential if they are to come to terms fully with whatever is causing them concern. The opposite of being concrete, direct and specific is making ‘generalised’ (indirect and vague) statements. So often in general conversation as well as in counselling we confuse the issue by not being concrete, specific and direct. A generalisation does not discriminate but lumps all parts together.

A generality that is common in everyday speech is ‘you’. Clients who say, ‘You never know when people approve of what you’re doing’, when encouraged to rephrase it to, ‘I never know when people approve of what I’m doing’, will usually be able to perceive their statement in a different light. The client needs to be able to identify thoughts, feelings, behaviour and experiences in specific ways. Personalising a statement in this way makes it pertinent and real. In one sense it is owning the problem. Being specific opens the way for a realistic acknowledgement of feelings.

Overcoming client resistance

Owning, and not merely reporting, such feelings opens the door to exploring them. While this may be uncomfortable for the client, it is vital. Sometimes thoughts, feelings and behaviours are expressed before the counselling relationship has been established firmly enough to explore them. If such thoughts, feelings and behaviours are central to the client’s problem the client will return to them at some stage. Concreteness requires clients to be prepared to examine themselves closely, and not to hide behind the facade of generality.

Clients may fiercely resist attempts to encourage them to be specific, particularly about feelings. They may have to be led gently into what, for many, is a new experience. Counsellors can collude with clients by allowing them to talk about feelings second-hand, as if they belonged to other people and not to them. ‘Is this how you feel?’ or ‘Is that something like your situation?’ (even though both of these are closed questions) may be enough to bring the interview back into focus from second-hand reporting, to ‘This is what is happening to me, now.’

Questions to aid concreteness

Elaboration questions give the client the opportunity to expand on what has already been talked about. For example:

• ‘Would you care to elaborate?’
• ‘What else is there?’
• ‘Could you expand on what you’ve just said?’
• ‘Is there anything else you wish to say about . . . ?’

Specification questions aim to elicit detail about a problem. For example:

• ‘When you say he upsets you, what precisely happens?’
• ‘When?’
• ‘You mentioned that . . . can you give me a specific example?’
• ‘How many times?’

Focusing on feelings questions aim to elicit the feelings generated by a problem area. For example:

• ‘How do you feel about that?’
• ‘Would you care to describe your feelings?’
• ‘Is it possible that you are feeling. . .?’

Personal responsibility questions imply not only that the other has a responsibility for owning the problem, but also for making the choices that contribute to solving it. For example:

• ‘Are there any other things you can think of that might help you to achieve your goal?’
• ‘How do you see your part in the break up?’
• ‘What skills do you need to develop to solve the problem?’
• ‘In what ways could you improve the situation?’

Examples

Mavis, to Marion, the works supervisor

Mavis (generalised and vague)’I know I haven’t been very regular at work recently, I haven’t been very well. That’s the truth of it.’

Mavis (concrete and specific): ‘I know that over the past month I’ve been off work six times. I’ve been attending the doctor for about six months with vague abdominal pains. They haven’t yet reached a firm diagnosis, but they think it’s probably something to do with the gall bladder.’

Robert, to Joy, the school counsellor
Robert (generalised and vague): ‘People keep picking on me.’
Robert (concrete and specific): ‘My classmates pick on me because I wear glasses.’

Trudy, student teacher, to Liz, her supervisor
Trudy (generalised and vague): ‘I know I’m dreadfully inconsistent in my work.’
Trudy (concrete and specific): ‘I make all sorts of teaching plans, yet when it comes to the day, I don’t stick to them. I think the students run the class, not me.’

Examples of encouraging questions

Let us resume once again with the five clients, Pat, Paul, Claire, Ellen and Danny, and see examples of questions the counsellor might use to encourage them to be more concrete or specific.

Pat

Counsellor to Pat: ‘You say you feel you may have brought the rape on yourself in some way. To help me understand, can you be a bit more specific?’ (specification question).

Paul

Counsellor to Paul: ‘You say that have applied for six different jobs and haven’t had any replies. How does this make you feel?’ (focusing on feelings question).

Claire

Counsellor to Claire: ‘Can you talk me through what thoughts are going through your mind just before you cut yourself?’ (elaboration question).

Ellen

Counsellor to Ellen: ‘You have told me that a large part of you wants to share your life with Peter. Can you tell me specifically what appeals to you about moving in with him?’

Danny

Counsellor to Danny: ‘Danny, you say that you injured another man, and this happened after you had a lot to drink. How much do you think your drinking contributed towards you becoming angry and aggressive?’ (personal responsibility question).

Summary

To help the client explore the problem the counsellor uses the skills of:

• primary level empathy
• active listening
• attending
• paraphrasing content
• reflecting feelings
• using open questions
• summarising
• focusing
• concreteness.