Counselling engages the client in a relationship of equals.

Counselling takes place when a counsellor sees a client in a private and confidential setting to explore a difficulty the client is having distress they may be experiencing or perhaps their dissatisfaction with life, or loss of a sense of direction and purpose. It is always at the request of the client as no one can properly be ‘sent’ for counselling. (BACP, What is Counselling?)

It could be said that the general aim of counselling is to increase the client’s self-awareness and insights and to marshal these new-found strengths in working towards an action plan that will help him cope more effectively with life (Stewart, 1983).

The aim of this chapter is to clarify what counselling is and is not, to develop understanding regarding the limits of confidentiality, explore what defines a ‘counsellor’, and identify the three basic elements involved in learning to counsel effectively – knowledge and understanding, developing skills, and personal development.

What is counselling?

The dictionary defines counselling as advice or guidance, yet the word ‘advice’ is an anathema to many counsellors, Figure 1 clarifies the differences.

Clarifying why counselling is not advice-giving

* Advice frequently means telling people what they should do or ought to do, and this has no place in counselling. Counsellors help clients look at what is possible, but do not tell clients what they should do. That would be the counsellor taking control rather than the client gaining control.

The counsellor who answers the question ‘What would you advise me to do?’ with ‘What ideas have you had?’ is helping the client to recognise that they have a part to play in seeking an answer. They help the client take responsibility for finding a solution that feels right for them.

Advice is often appropriate in crises; at times when a person’s thoughts and feelings seem shocked by an event. At times like these the counsellor will exercise greater caution than when clients are fully responsive and responsible. Advice offered and accepted when in crisis, and then acted upon, could prove to be, if not ‘bad advice’, not totally appropriate to meet the client’s needs. When people are under stress they are vulnerable. For all these reasons, counsellors are wary about responding to a request for advice.

However, it is sometimes very difficult not to offer advice. If a client is stressed, for example, the counsellor may suggest relaxation techniques to help reduce stress levels. Even though the advice might be ‘good’, the choice should always remain with the client.

Examining why counselling is not persuasion

Counselling is not persuading, prevailing upon, overcoming the client’s resistances, wearing the client down or ‘bringing the client to their senses’. Persuasion is in direct conflict with at least one principle of counselling, self-direction – the client’s right to choose for themselves their course of action. If the counsellor were to persuade the client to go a certain way, make a certain choice, there could be a very real danger of the whole affair backfiring in the counsellor’s face and resulting in further damage to the client’s self-esteem.

This concept of self-direction, based on personal freedom, is the touchstone of the non-directive approach to counselling but is present in most others. The basis of the principle is that:

• any pressure which is brought to bear on the client will increase conflict and so hamper exploration.

Exploring why counselling is not exercising undue influence

Some people believe that successful counsellors are those who are able to suggest solutions to clients’ problems in such a way that the clients feel they are their own. This is commonly called ‘manipulation’, behaviour from which most counsellors would recoil. However, situations are seldom clear cut. There is a fine line between legitimate influence and manipulation. Manipulation always carries with it some benefit to the manipulator. Influence is generally unconscious. In any case, suggesting solutions is not part of effective counselling. There is a difference between exploring alternatives and suggesting solutions and manipulation. Manipulation invariably leaves the person on the receiving end feeling uncomfortable, used and angry.

The dividing line between manipulation and seeking ways and means to resolve a problem may not always be easily seen, but the deciding factor must be who benefits? Is it you, or is the other person?

(*Adapted from Going for Counselling, William Stewart and Angela Martin (How To Books, 1999) and used by permission of the authors.)

Identifying the difference between counselling and other forms of helping

The primary difference between counselling and other forms of helping is the way in which the counsellor listens. Active listening is at the heart of effective counselling. Active listening involves listening at a ‘head’ level to the thinking behind the client’s words, and at a ‘heart’ level to the feelings and emotions behind them. It also entails being aware of (a form of listening) the client’s non-verbal communication – eye contact, eye movements, tone of voice (harsh or soft), gestures (sighing, clenching fists), body posture (slumped, tense, open, closed), facial expressions (smiling, frowing), mannerisms, and mode of dress (smart, casual). Non-verbal communication, or body language as it is commonly called, can provide the counsellor with significant information about what the client may not be expressing but may be feeling.

Is there a dividing line between counselling and other forms of helping?

We go to a doctor when we have something medically wrong; to a psychiatrist when there is something mentally wrong; to a priest when there is something spiritually wrong. All of these establish a helping relationship; but what they offer is not counselling, not in the sense we mean in this book. However, these three professionals may also use counselling skills; they may also be trained counsellors. So the dividing line is not clear cut.

When a doctor is diagnosing and prescribing, he is not counselling. The principal difference is that the person knows when counselling is taking place and has agreed to it. In other words, a counselling contract is established (see Chapter 3 for an example of a counselling contract and further discussion on the topic).

What defines a ‘counsellor’?

As discussed above, not every person who uses counselling skills is designated a ‘counsellor’. We can distinguish two broad groups of people who use counselling skills: people who are called ‘counsellors’, who engage in counselling as a distinct occupation, and others who use counselling skills as part of their other skills. They would be temporarily in the role.

Understanding confidentiality

Counsellors are frequently the observers, and often the recipients, of confidential material about clients, their life situations and intimate details of their families. Confidentiality, at first glance, is deceptively simple. It means not disclosing secret details about another person which have been disclosed during counselling.

It is helpful to distinguish between secret and confidential material. Everything said in a counselling interview is confidential, but not everything is a secret. The belief that absolutely everything the client says must never be shared with anyone can lead to problems.

Consider the case of the man who admits that he has been stealing from the organisation in which you both work. Should this information be passed on and to whom? If you become party to information which you feel must be passed on, you ought to explain to the client why and to whom you must pass it.

Professional counsellors are bound by certain ethics, which are not applicable in their totality to people using counselling skills as part of their repertoire of work skills. Feelings as well as facts should not be shared indiscriminately.

The limits of confidentiality

Confidentiality is limited by:

• Whose needs predominate?
• Who would be harmed?
• Do the needs of the agency have to be considered?
• The laws of the land.
• Do the needs of the wider society have to be considered?
• Who might be placed at risk?

Individual counsellors need to be quite clear what information, gleaned through counselling, they may pass on and to whom. Some clients need to be reassured of confidentiality. Counsellors should take time to clarify precisely what the client understands by confidentiality.

An example of selective confidentiality

Carlos was being admitted to hospital for surgery. During the course of the assessment interview he revealed that he had a criminal record. The nurse decided that this information, if withheld, would not affect the treatment. She did not include this detail in the notes, but concentrated on Carlos’ anxiety about his forthcoming exploratory operation for cancer.

Learning to counsel

There are three basic elements involved in learning to counsel effectively:

• 1.Knowledge and understanding. This involves:
  • gaining knowledge of the theory of personality development underlying the counselling approach used and
  • gaining knowledge of common psychological processes, for example bereavement and loss and relationship interactions.
• 2.Developing skills. This involves:
  • changing behaviour, which can feel very uncomfortable to begin with. However, in time, and with practice, the skills feel more comfortable and you start to use them without even thinking about them – they become part of your style.
• 3.Personal development. This involves:
  • being able to separate your own feelings from those of the client. This means increasing self-awareness: the more self-awareness gained, the more you are able to understand your clients.

The primary focus of this book is on two of the elements involved in learning to counsel effectively:

• skills development
• personal development.

Summary

In this chapter we have established the aims of counselling, clarified what counselling is and is not, examined the limits of confidentiality within the counselling relationship, explained what defines a ‘counsellor’, and pinpointed three basic elements required to counsel effectively. We have demonstrated that:

• The primary difference between counselling and other forms of helping is the way in which the counsellor listens.
• Everything said in a counselling interview is confidential, but not everything is secret.
• There are three basic elements involved in counselling training:
  • 1.knowledge of counselling theory
  • 2.skills development
  • 3.personal development.

Advice is seldom welcome; and those
who want it the most always like it the least.

Philip Dormer Stanhope (fourth Earl of Chesterfield)