Attacks – countermeasures

• Stay alert, and keep control of your life and yourself.
• At a party or in a bar beware of accepting a drink from a stranger, somebody you only met that evening or have only known for a few days.
• To be totally safe, go to the bar and order your own drink and watch them make it or open the bottle. Make sure that nobody slips in half a glass of vodka or anything else. At a party or in a bar, don’t put your drink down and walk away. You never know what might be put into it.
• If you do have to go to the toilet, want to dance or otherwise lose sight of your drink, abandon it and get a new one. That is the only way you can be sure that your drink has not been tampered with.
• There are some strange effects to be wary of too. Mixing prescription and over-the-counter medicine can render you helpless very quickly. If the instructions on the packaging say ‘do not drink alcohol’, believe it and don’t drink alcohol.
• Keep alert, so that you are aware of your surroundings – who and what is around you.
• Stay in well-lit areas, and with people you know. Be wary of trying a new club or pub if you are on your own, especially if it is in the evening and never on a Friday and Saturday night when they are so crowded you won’t see what is going on.
• Remember that criminals often target people who are clearly lost, confused or otherwise vulnerable. Especially when you are out drinking, relaxing and having fun. Try to stay in places you know.
• Seriously consider what you would do if confronted and attacked. The law says you can use reasonable force to defend yourself, but criminals don’t have that restriction!
• Be aware of conflict management warning and danger signs, as described in Chapter 3.
• Don’t flash your cash, wear expensive jewellery, show that you are using an expensive mobile phone or do anything else that may mark you out as a potentially good target for a robber. Criminals are almost certainly watching!

If attacked – countermeasures

• As usual, your first level of protection is noise. Attract as much attention as you can in any way that you can. Trigger your personal attack alarm. Shout, scream, call for the police, shout for help, and all the time, make every effort to stay out of his reach.
• If you have one, sound your attack alarm and shout ‘HELP’ ‘POLICE’ ‘RAPE’ to get help and distract him. DON’T just scream, a scream is usually ignored because people assume it is drunks larking around. Shouting HELP and RAPE will not be ignored or misunderstood.
• Run if you can, but make sure you run towards lights and people, not further into the darkness and bushes.
• If he says he wants your nice expensive mobile phone and handbag, don’t be a dead hero – let him have them. It is a good price to pay for getting away safely, but beware of tricks – although sexual attacks by strangers are rare he could say he just wants your phone, calm you down and then grab and gag you.
• Try anything you can to put him off. Point and shout ‘Police! Over here, this is him.’ He will often be as scared and nervous as you are and might just run off if you say that or at least be distracted so you can run away.
• Fight him off in any way you can. He will have to get close to be able to touch you. That means he is close enough for you to get some blows in as well.
• Don’t try to use ‘reasonable force’ – you may be fighting for your life. Smack him with your handbag, spray him in the eyes with deodorant, anything to keep him off you without resorting to potentially fatal measures.
• A martial art such as karate is more of a sport – the classes may teach you fancy moves, but unless you have had a lot of practice, a street fight is never the same as when you were practising those moves in the gym. I knew a karate black belt who was proud of his skills, but he was badly beaten in a street fight because the attacker didn’t play nice!
• Self-defence classes assume that your opponent is out to get you, and the good self-defence classes concentrate on rule number one, which is to get away as soon as you can! If you can’t get away, they teach you how to inflict pain and disable an attacker long enough for you to escape. For example, kicking below the knee joint. Contact the police or local authorities and ask about self-defence classes.
• Remember your objective is to get away, if you can. If you can make some progress towards safety, do it. Kick then run a few steps towards that pub or a family house where lights are showing downstairs keep shouting rape. If you see somebody looking out of a window, head for them. At least they already know you are there and in trouble, so make for them and scream for them to call the police.
• Your elbow is your strongest natural weapon. An elbow to the throat will stop a man just as well as a knee to the groin. Use your fists, nails, feet, knees and head. Do anything you can to fight them off. Don’t let him get a firm hold – flail your arms and go for his eyes. He will be too busy not getting injured to concentrate fully on what he intended to do to you.
• As soon as you possibly can, call the police and report any sort of intimidation, stalking or attack. Remember that the man who has a sly feel of your chest on the tube today could be tomorrow’s rapist. Report any assault.
• Remember also that people do not like to get involved. A man walking towards you when you are being attacked may walk on past assuming that he is witnessing a drunken lovers’ quarrel. If you are attacked, make sure everyone knows what is happening. Continue to scream and call for the police. Unfortunately you also have to remember that even if he knows it is an attack, that man might still walk on past, not wanting to get involved or risk injury himself. Never let your guard down. Don’t trust anyone in those circumstances until you are talking to a police officer face to face. I have heard of good Samaritans who stopped to offer help, but they only helped themselves by stealing the victim’s handbag!
• To clear up any doubts people may have, shout and make it loud enough for anyone to hear you. ‘I don’t know this man. Help. RAPE.’ If you do that, everyone knows that it isn’t a domestic disturbance or lovers’ tiff. Carry on making that noise and trying to get away from him to safety. Remember safety is where there are lights and people.
• Another thing to remember is that most people are not used to functioning in a crisis. They don’t know what to do. Psychologists say that in those circumstances people will obey direct instructions, but they are often incapable of responding to a general request. Given the chance, give them orders. Shout ‘You in the red coat – call 999 and get the police,’ and he is likely to do it, but if you shout, ‘Somebody call the police,’ nobody will. If you just scream people will probably ignore you.
• As long as you can fight, punch, kick, knee, elbow do so. Writhe, twist, duck, headbutt his face, scratch his eyes, push him over a wall, whack him with a branch, throw dirt in his face, pull away. If he has hold of your jacket, slip out of it and run towards safety, leave him holding the jacket. Most handbags weigh quite a lot; swing it on the end of its straps and it could knock him out. Pull his hair out in clumps if you can; it hurts and is absolute proof of his identity. Use the weapons that may be to hand. An umbrella, car keys, a stiletto shoe and your shopping can all be used to defend against an attacker.
• If he overpowers you, you may still have a couple of chances. You could talk to him. Tell him this is rape and he could go to prison for a long time. Tell him the police must be on the way. Tell him you have a period, tell him anything that may make him change his mind. All the time keep your eyes and ears open. If he has dragged you into a park, you may see people passing by, or people who responded to your early shouts. If they are close enough to hear and offer assistance shout again. Be clear and positive, ‘Help! Rape. In the park,’ he may get scared and run away or they may catch him. If you have the chance try to run towards them or to safety, for example run out of the park onto the main road. Keep shouting, ‘Call the police! Rape.’ Remember he will hear that too. It may scare him enough to make him run off and leave you alone.
• If he has somehow got you alone, in a place where you cannot see any signs of help, life, lights and people, but you still have a chance to get away, you may still have an opportunity to disable him. His groin, eyes, temples and throat are vulnerable. You could bite his tongue, ear or cheek. Pull some more hair out, try to kick and twist. If you get the chance your elbow in his throat will hurt. You could headbutt him on the bridge of the nose, or grab a fist full of dust, dirt and leaves, throw it in his eyes. You can clap your hands together over his ears or poke at his eyes. If you have a real chance to get away.
• If you have no real opportunity to escape, any further scratching or gouging by you could anger him, so he may retaliate in kind. At this point if you decide that you cannot get away, I suggest talking again. Tell him you have kids and a weak heart; appeal to him not to do it. Tell him anything you can to make him stop. Invite him back to your place so you can be comfortable! If he is stupid enough to accept, at least you will have a dozen more opportunities to summon help or escape on the way to your place. You of course will make sure you take him past places you know people will be to give you as many chances of getting away as you can.
• Try talking to make him realise the consequences of his imminent actions. This is rape, and the police will do everything they can to catch him. He could go to prison for a long time. What will his family and friends think of him? Tell him you won’t tell the police (you will of course). He may suddenly realise what he is throwing away.
• If for whatever reason you cannot escape, he won’t listen to reason and he intends to rape you, there is an approach called ‘total submission’. The purpose of this method is to survive the attack and remember as much as you can. Don’t provoke him; let it happen and be done with as soon as possible. One expert suggests that you should make yourself as limp and unresponsive as possible, even pretend to be unconscious – the idea being that it is less enjoyable for the attacker who stops and moves off quickly.

Safe dating – countermeasures

• *For your own peace of mind you should make sure you know at least some basic information about him before you agree to go out. If all he is willing to tell you is he is Bob from Manchester, be wary and ask more questions. For example, in conversation you can ask what his full name is, where he works and what he does. You can ask him for a telephone number in case there is a delay. If he won’t tell you any more than that his name is Bob I suggest you make your apologies and tell him you can’t see him again.
• Of course while talking to this stranger, you should avoid giving out too much information. If all he seems interested in is whether you live alone, if you’ve got a well-paid job, and he demands your address and home number, I would be very cautious in giving any of those details out. If he is a genuine guy he will understand.
• Whether you know him or not, make sure you know what the date will be. For example, if he wants to take you to a smutty film or club where there are lap dancers, you agreeing to go may make him feel that you are accepting a sexual element to your relationship.
• Similarly, if on a first date he seems to have roaming hands and you are not happy about it, slow him down and pull away. In his mind he may take your acceptance of early contact as a sign that you are open for sexual contact in the near future when you may not be. If he goes too far, too fast, pull away and tell him to stop.
• If he wants to take you away to a hotel in Brighton for the weekend it is your choice. But if you are expecting separate rooms and a lazy weekend on the beach chewing candy floss and soaking up the sun in a deck chair, make it very plain to him that that is what you are agreeing to.
• Avoid taking him back to your place at least for the first few dates, especially if you live alone. Make it easy to make a break from him if you want to. Making the break will be easier if he doesn’t know your address or home phone number. If you want to give him some details, give him a mobile phone number – at least you can quite easily change a phone number if you need to.
• If he starts making suggestive comments or touching you in ways that you don’t like, tell him! Push his hand away, move away and even tell him you are going home. Call a taxi and leave. Never accept intimate contact that you don’t want or welcome.
• For the first few dates make sure that you go somewhere safe, a neutral and public place. Though it is a dated idea, meeting under the clock at a mainline railway station or at a shopping centre would be totally safe. Agree to meet at such a public venue and you can get to know each other with no risk. Still don’t give out personal details, and make sure you stay in a public area. If he becomes amorous or just plain abusive you can walk away. In that sort of venue if he tries to assault or attack you there is a CCTV camera to record the incident, people and security staff to come to your assistance or call the police, and plenty of safe places you can run to for help.
• If your date in the shopping centre or town centre burger bar goes OK, you can think about moving on to a more congenial setting, but pick one where there are plenty of other customers around. An amusement park, a cinema (be wary of the film that is playing in case he thinks he is getting hidden messages from you about your intentions). Go to a quiet pub or book a meal at a restaurant. If you don’t know him, I suggest going to a modest restaurant, especially if he will have to pay by credit card, because that will leave an evidence trail of his bank details through which he could be traced if it ever became necessary.
• Be aware of the effects that alcohol can have on you and your personal control. If he goes to the bar and gets a drink, it may be just orange juice but it may be something else entirely if he slipped some drug into the drink!
• Similarly, if you are in the habit of taking and using illegal drugs be aware that those drugs are usually of unknown strength and purity, they can be so diluted that they have no effect at all, or may knock you unconscious. Note that there has been a recent increase in the level of drug-assisted sexual assault.
• As you come to know each other, you can decide if you want to move beyond friendship into a relationship. You don’t have to interrogate him, but his honesty with you reflects his personality and intentions. Make a mental note of what he says. You don’t have to interrogate him, but it should cause concern if last week he said he was from Manchester and this week starts claiming that he was born in Brighton. Maybe he has moved around a lot, or maybe he is simply dishonest. Don’t be paranoid, but if his alleged pet dog Bonzo suddenly turns into a cat called Tiger I would start wondering why he is so dishonest and what else he is being dishonest about.
• As ever, the bottom line is trust your instincts and gut feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, get out, go somewhere safe and terminate the relationship.
• If any relationship does end with arguments, talk to somebody about it. If you are being harassed by telephone, letters or email, or being stalked by somebody who won’t accept that the relationship is over, record it and speak to the police. In the past, harassment has escalated to physical assault. Make an appointment to talk to somebody at your local police station. Explain to them what is happening, and take any evidence you might have. For example letters that have been sent to you, text messages on your mobile phone, printouts of emails or if possible recordings of messages from your telephone answering machine. You should also take some sort of diary to show that there is an ongoing problem. Buy a cheap diary and note incidents in it (you may have to hand it over as evidence so you don’t want to use your usual diary, which contains all sorts of important and personal information). Your diary entries should be accurate and honest and show the frequency of the calls or visits and so on, their duration, what was said and so on.

Internet dating – countermeasures

The countermeasures for safe dating apply. The following points are important too.

• Because an Internet user can claim to be anything, I would suggest that you should keep a note of any information relating to the person you are in contact with. A simple sheet listing name, age, place of birth, pet’s name, job etc will suffice. Apparently, people who use false identities on the Internet often make it up on the spur of the moment and embellish it to make themselves sound more exciting and attractive a prospect. Your contact may claim to be an airline pilot to excuse a period of no contact, and then later claim to be a heart surgeon in an effort to sound worthy of your attention. With a note of the key points of what they have said before, a glance at your list will show you if they are lying or at least if their story is shifting. Of course just because he is lying it doesn’t mean he is an attacker, but you have to wonder whether you can believe anything he has said.
• Keep copies of all emails anyway. If this person does attack you or harass you, the emails could contain evidence that would help the police. For example, people who create a fantasy existence over the Internet often use the same identity with several prospective dates or victims. The emails show for example, he calls himself Colin, works in an engineering firm near Heathrow airport, claims to have an E-type Jaguar car, and a dog called Boris. You never know, you could hear of an attack by somebody else who was called Colin, had an E-type etc, so you may be able to provide further proof to the police.
• Accept that in communicating by email you are only receiving and understanding a tiny proportion of the information available to you. Words account for only 15% of the information available to you. The other 85% is carried in stance, pitch, approach, tone of voice and what is often called body language. That means that when communicating by text, email or instant messenger on the Internet you are missing 85% of the information available to you.
• Beware of the email address you use. Never use your work email. For a start your employer may not like you spending your working day communicating with potential dates. More importantly with a work email address it is too easy to find the owner. For example if you are using the email address Sue.Biggins@NewCenturyPacking.com I can find you in a few hours. All I have to do is look at the web site, find the address, make a phone call or two to confirm that you are a secretary in the accounts department at their head office in the High Street. Now I have your work address and phone number. I could arrive at reception at half past four and leave some flowers for you with the receptionist. All I have to do then is wait for you to come out holding the flowers. I could soon know what car you have and follow you to your home address. To stay safe, always use an anonymous email address from Yahoo or Hotmail for example.
• Treat everything you are told over the Internet with a healthy scepticism. Don’t assume that everyone is totally dishonest and a possible attacker. Just realise that you can only get limited information on-line. As above, you should swap a few long emails to express your views and see if you think you are compatible and if you want to go ahead and meet this person. Check their information, ask a few questions and see what the response is. If their emails rapidly get smutty and they start to demand a meeting on their terms, walk away. Generally, the signs are not so clear cut. Your contact may seem quite nice, but a few comments and ideas have made you uneasy, or indicate a darker side to them – test that. Ask open questions relating to that subject. If they really are only interested in grooming you as a sexual conquest with or without your co-operation you will hopefully begin to get a feel for it.
• Remember that when you are ready, make any date in a public place, so you can easily walk away if you feel you need to.

Speed dating – countermeasures

• As above, but in this case you may be dealing with an absolute stranger so use even more caution, particularly when leaving, just in case one of the rejected suitors has decided he needs to talk to you again – outside!
• Some predatory married and single men attend speed dating sessions because it is an easy way to meet and talk to a lot of women in a short time. They feel that they have a good chance of persuading at least one of the women present to go out with them, and hopefully to sleep with them.
• Be extra careful about drinks and food that may be drugged. They may try to keep you supplied with a constant flow of drinks or simply take you to a remote place and attack you.

Setting boundaries – countermeasures

• Think about your situation. Think ahead to the parties, outings, dates and other social occasions you are going to attend. Take a moment to consider the personal boundaries that will be appropriate for those occasions. When you are at that party or even a meeting at work, apply those personal boundaries. At a marketing meeting for work, you might decide that it is a work-related friendly meeting. If the head of advertising starts crowding you, leaning in and draping an arm over your shoulder, you know he is breaking your personal boundaries so you tell him to stop, or at least pull away and make it clear that you do not want him that close. In the pub, if a guy at the next table leans back and makes lewd suggestions to you, you are sure he is intruding and breaking those personal boundaries, so you might tell him to clear off, and complain to the pub manager! Take the time to define and know your personal boundaries in any situation so that you can easily recognise when a man is breaking those boundaries. Hopefully you should also stay in a state where you are capable of recognising and objecting if your boundaries are broken.
• As soon as you feel he is going too far, or getting over zealous, make it clear to him that you are not happy. At the first sign, pull back to regain some personal space. Stand up, become stern and even walk away. If you are in a bar or club consider leaving him and making it clear that the date is over.
• Even in a public place don’t be embarrassed or scared to make sure he hears and understands that you don’t want to be touched if you need to. Make it clear by using words that cannot be misunderstood, ‘Stop touching me. I don’t like that, stop it.’
• Make him realise that you are not playing hard to get or teasing him. Use simple, plain and clear words and actions. Say ‘No – STOP. I want to go home now.’ If it reaches that stage, don’t waiver. Even if he does apologise – go home immediately.
• If you are in private and there are only two of you there pull away and make him stop and think about what he is doing. As you are alone you are in greater danger. Tell him to stop, get your coat and tell him you are going home. Don’t accept a lift from him. If you have your own car drive yourself home. If you don’t have a car, call a licensed taxi.
• If he is at your place, tell him to leave and make it clear that his advances are unwelcome. If he doesn’t go you should consider leaving. If you have a mobile phone, go into the front garden or a public area of the flats and call the police. Don’t stay in the house with what seems to be a possible attacker. Get out, get to safety and get the police to deal with him.
• If he persists pull back and say loudly ‘No – STOP. I don’t want to – I don’t want this. This is rape.’
• Try to leave. Tell him to calm down. Tell him he will regret it in the morning.

Assumed consent – countermeasures

• If a man makes sexual advances that you do not want, make it perfectly clear that you are refusing those advances.
• Pull away, push him away say loudly and clearly ‘NO. STOP. I DON’T WANT THIS. LEAVE ME ALONE. STOP. THIS IS RAPE!’
• Given those circumstances there can be no doubt that there was no consent – assumed or otherwise.

Sexual assault/rape – countermeasures

• If you learn nothing else from this chapter, learn that in most cases the victim knew their attacker. It is very rare for a sexual assault or rape to be carried out at random by a stranger.
• Accept that by consuming any alcohol or illegal drugs you could be relinquishing all or part of your control over your safety.
• Stay alert and be aware of your surroundings.
• Trust your gut feelings. If a place or situation doesn’t feel right, make your excuses and get out.
• Define your boundaries and stick to them.
• If he is overstepping those boundaries in any way, pull back and consider telling him to stop what he is doing. Be prepared to leave or get him to leave.
• Be sensible and as far as possible plan for safety. Before you go anywhere, try to make sure that you have a safe way to get home. Book a taxi, travel with friends and go in a group. Do everything you can to ensure your own safety.
• Criminals often target people who are clearly lost or confused – so try to look confident even when you are not. If you are lost and, or nervous, head for the nearest bright lights and lots of people.
• Don’t take shortcuts. Never use dark and deserted lanes or tracks. Never walk through parks, along unlit roads or down back alleys. No matter how late you are, no matter how cold it is, no matter how hard it is raining, neverteke a shortcut. Don’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time even if using a shortcut is more likely to get you robbed than raped. Given the choice, take the long way around if it is well lit and busy with people and cars. Where there are people you should be safe.
• Seriously consider what you will do if confronted – you can use reasonable force to defend yourself but criminals don’t have that restriction. Avoid a fight by staying aware.
• Where the rapist is known to the victim the most dangerous time is
  • soon after a separation or break-up
  • soon after a domestic violence assault.
• The real, fundamental and simple basis of rape prevention, or any attack or assault is awareness. Rapists rarely attack somebody on a whim. Often they will know the victim; they may have been observing for some time possibly looking for an opportunity or building up to the assault. Sometimes over-indulgence in drink or drugs will trigger an unplanned sexual assault by a male acquaintance.
• Rapists are often classified in a number of ways, for example ‘anger rapists’ and ‘sadistic rapists’. The classifications tell you what sort of personality they are. Other rapists are classified because they are location specific, for example striking on footpaths, near railways or close to where they live or work. In nearly all cases, ‘winning’ and controlling the victim is more important to them than any sexual act.
• The very few attacks and rapes committed at random by strangers happen when the attacker finds a victim. A woman alone, drunk, fumbling for a car key, waiting for a train on a deserted platform, or jogging alone through a deserted park – anything that makes her vulnerable. The attacker is looking for an easy victim, so anything that you can do that makes you look nothing like a victim will make you safer. How do you avoid looking like a victim?
  • Most important of all, plan ahead so that you do not put yourself in a vulnerable position to start with.
  • Look confident, listen to what is happening around you, keep your eyes ahead and walk as though you have a purpose. Don’t let people know you are lost, for example by constantly checking a map or an address written on a slip of paper. If you are lost, head for the nearest busy place with bright lights and a lot of people and ask for directions from an official or take a licensed taxi to your destination.
  • Look around occasionally, so that you know what or who is behind you. This also shows anyone watching that you are alert and aware of your surroundings. Don’t look behind too often though, as that will make you look lost and scared. Occasionally make an excuse to look around by watching a passing car or maybe stop and look in a shop window; use it as a mirror to see what is behind you.
  • Don’t lower your eyes or look away when you meet people. Making brief eye contact adds to the confident look. Be careful that your casual and passing eye contact doesn’t stray into what they may think is a longer flirting or challenging look. Don’t make problems for yourself.
  • Believe in yourself but more importantly believe yourself. Millions of years of evolution have gone into your development, and a gut feeling that something is wrong is probably accurate. If it doesn’t feel right, get out or tell him to get out!
  • By constantly crossing the road to avoid people, you will look lost, weak and indecisive – just like a potential victim. You can adjust your path and speed to avoid coming into contact with potentially suspicious people. Walk past a husband and wife, or a group of school children by all means, but a furtive-looking guy who seems not to want to leave the gates to the park or the end of a back alley should be avoided.
  • Don’t let anyone get closer than six feet – keep them outside your personal zone. Any closer and they could grab you, knock you out or stab you before you can react. Remember an attacker may be a scruffy lout but he could also look like a bank manager or a favourite uncle! It is the behaviour and circumstances that should warn you, not the way he dresses or looks.
  • Under no circumstances go anywhere that is clearly a high-risk area. Dark, dirty, deserted, overgrown, plenty of bushes or doorways and side paths to hide in means keep out!

Safe friends – PACTS

• If possible arrange to go out with a female friend or group of friends.
• Discuss this threat with them and make a pact that you will look out for each other when you are out.
• Arrange a signal that you can use to tell your friend(s) that you want to be taken out of a situation. The signal could be something like asking to borrow their lipstick, or mentioning a name such as ‘I just saw Susie with Frank’. The signal should be recognised by everyone and acted on immediately.
• You should only invoke the pact when you genuinely think there is something wrong with your date or company, an unwanted pressure, or somebody who is too free with his hands and suggestive remarks. Don’t invoke the pact just because your date is boring or stupid – your friends will become tired of ruining their evening just rescuing you from a boring date and when you really need rescuing they may not be there for you.
• Invoke the pact if you think you have recognised some of the indicators of a potential acquaintance rape or sexual assault, or if he really makes you feel uncomfortable. If he invades your space or gets progressively bolder in his actions, for example – it doesn’t matter what is happening, the fact that you have real reasons to want out – even a gut feeling that he isn’t ‘right’ – should be enough to bring your friend(s) to take you home (or for you to take them home).
• When a member of your group makes the agreed signal, take her home. Don’t just put her in a taxi or take her to the bus stop. Take her all the way home and even consider staying with her that night in case he decides to call around ‘just to see if she is OK’.
• If one of your group members does invoke the pact, don’t forget any other members of the group. Don’t leave one of the girls there alone; if you do she is without the backup, support and extra eyes of the group.
• The pact should also include watching your drinks. Keep an eye on what was ordered, and what was handed to each of you. Is that just a glass of lemonade or was a good measure of vodka slipped in there?
• Watch for small quantities of liquids or powders being slipped into a drink, or where somebody had the time and opportunity so could have slipped something in. Keep an eye out for strange behaviour, if he went to the bar, got the drinks and then turned his back on the group for two minutes before coming back with the drinks! Could he have done something to the drinks? What was he doing at the bar, apparently blocking your view?
• Beware of drinks that may have been marked! If there are three glasses or bottles on the tray but one has an umbrella in it, or all the bottles except one are in a group. Be even more concerned if he then insists that though there are three bottles on the tray that one is yours! In those circumstances I would claim a migraine, invoke the pact and be gone!
• If you see suspicious activity, even if the owner of a drink is not a member of your pact, I would talk to the drinker and ask how well they know the guy with the drinks. If it is her husband, OK. If she says has just just met him, I would discuss what I may have just seen with her, and leave it to her to decide.
• If somebody approaches you and asks how well you know a guy, listen. She may say that from what she saw he could have put something in your drink. Listen and even if it is your older brother, husband or other totally trusted guy, don’t react negatively. Whoever told you that the guy might have added something to your drink had your safety in mind. Don’t pick a fight because she just insulted your husband or your brother, thank her and make your mind up. Take a second to consider what you have been told, bearing in mind that in most cases the victim knows her attacker. Could Fred from the office have predatory desires? Could your drink have been interfered with? It’s a horrible thought, but if you have any doubts at all you might consider accidentally dropping that drink or knocking the glass over.
• You can get stoppers to put in the top of a bottle. They have a hole where a drinking straw can be pushed through, and they make it exceedingly difficult to administer any drugs or potions. But a drug could be poured into the straw, or put into the drink before the stopper was inserted. The best way to keep your drink safe is still to watch it being opened, then hold it until you are finished. If you do let it out of your sight, abandon it!
• You may be looking for more information for yourself or a friend, and there are a number of web sites that offer advice and support. For example www.truthaboutrape.co.uk and www.rape-crisis.org.uk. www.crimereduction.gov.uk/sexual10.htm is the Metropolitan Police initiative to improve the care offered to victims of rape, and improve rape investigation.
• For any guys who have read this far, I doubt if you need this final little bit of advice, but make sure that your mates know it as well please. If she says no, it always, always, always means no. Challenge inappropriate behaviour around you, and if anyone furtively asks you if you want some date rape drugs, or tells you he uses them, report him to the police!

Rape – countermeasures

• Recognise and remember the pattern of behaviour described above. Don’t be paranoid, just be safe.
• If you think the man you are with is following this pattern, break the pattern.
• Tell him to keep his hands off.
• Tell him you don’t like what he is doing and you are going to leave. If you are in your house, tell him to leave.
• Always have the number of a reputable taxi company on you or memorised and call for a taxi to take you home.
• If you want to let him down gently, tell him you are feeling ill. Make it sound as horrible as you can to put him right off. Tell him you are definitely going to throw up and you need a taxi home. (You don’t want to go in his car because you don’t want to risk making a mess in it.)

Drug-assisted rape – countermeasures

These drugs are easily available and are used in this country.

• Be wary if a stranger offers you a drink. He may be a nice-looking guy, a work mate or an old friend but the drink could still be drugged. If you are offered a drink, unless you see it poured by the barman, or see the container opened (like a ring pull can), don’t accept it. If anyone touches it, or you lose sight of it, refuse it. It only takes a second to slip in a few drops of a fluid, or a little powder.
• Adopt the old nominated driver routine. One person in your group will stay sober, can drive the group and can keep an eye on what the group members are drinking.
• The drugs used in these circumstances are tasteless, odourless, and usually colourless. Rohypnol usually includes a blue dye but mixed in a red wine and cola for example, it may not show, and you won’t be able to see it at all in a drink that comes in a coloured and patterned bottle. Rohypnol can be obtained on the black market in a clear form, because it is taken from the production process before the dye is added.
• Rohypnol dye may not show up in a drink for some minutes and in ‘club’ lighting may not show up at all.
• Beware of any blue drink – it might be drugged, or if it is supposed to be blue it could be a ploy to disguise a drugged drink.
• Given a choice, always drink drinks that come in bottles and cans. For a start the container is sealed and either opened for you or opened by you so you know it is not drugged. Secondly, it would be a lot harder for somebody to slip drops or other drugs into a narrow bottleneck or can opening than it would be to slip them into the wide top of a glass.
• Be warned that there have been reports of Rohypnol and similar drugs being given to victims in tea, drinking chocolate and iced water.
• How do you know if you have been drugged? You don’t necessarily know, but it helps if you know yourself and your normal reactions and behaviour.
  • Monitor yourself. Everyone should know how they react to alcohol.
  • You should also always know how much alcohol you have consumed. If you lose track you have had too much. Leave and go home or somewhere else where you will be safe.
  • If your reactions seem to be out of line with the amount of alcohol you have consumed (you feel drunk), you may have been drugged. If you feel strange, sick, or simply too drunk for the amount of alcohol you have had, assume you have been drugged, and immediately find a place of safety. It could just be an unusual reaction because you are already coming down with flu, but it may not be. Be safe not sorry.
  • If you are with your friends, invoke your pact and ask to be taken home. If you are alone find somebody in a position of authority and ask them to get you to a place of safety.
  • Never ask the person you are with, and never accept assistance from a helpful stranger. It could be them who has drugged you. They may be innocent, but going with them would be walking into a trap.
  • If your friend takes you home, ask them to stay until the next day to make sure you are safe. You may pass out from the effects of the drug so ask them to stay until the next morning when the effects of the drug or whatever caused it, have worn off. Don’t stay alone – the drugging rapist may come around visiting when you have passed out.
  • If your friend is male, are you really sure of them? Could they have administered the drug? If worried, ask them to take you back to mum and dad’s place or a close female friend. Make them all part of your pact – if they will be your safe house you will be theirs. In the same spirit, if a female friend calls for help or arrives on your doorstep looking unsteady, offer all the help you can – it may be you next time.