Feeding your children good food is every parent’s obligation. In fact, we all come from a long line of parents who fed their children, so why now, when we’re swamped with so much advice and information about our food and the number of fat grams and calories it contains, does hardly a week go by without another deeply depressing story about morbidly obese children whose parents can’t, or won’t, stop feeding them a non-stop diet of processed rubbish?

Apparently, British teenagers are the first generation to be less healthy than their parents, and I read recently that increasing numbers of children are becoming anorexic, some of them, unbelievably, as young as six- and seven- years-old.

But maybe it’s not surprising that kids are resorting to starving themselves when so many adults are permanently stressed out and pre-occupied with food. If the parents are anxious and confused – withholding treats with one hand and feeding their children processed rubbish with the other – while their teachers search their lunchboxes for illicit chocolate biscuits and packets of crisps, what are they supposed to think?

Constantly subjected to images of size zero models and the idealistic, unrealistic zeal of humourless healthy eating gurus on one hand; continually bombarded by the message that junk food and fizzy drinks are cool on the other – is it any wonder that going without nourishment altogether is starting to seem like the only alternative to obesity in the minds of impressionable young children?

But despite this grim picture, we can count ourselves lucky that you don’t need to be an expert on anything to feed your children a healthy, balanced diet with very little money and hardly any time, even if you have a tiny kitchen, only three saucepans (one with an ill-fitting lid) and no fancy gadgets unless you count the garlic crusher. Although it sometimes feels like an uphill struggle, whether your children are little gems who eat whatever you put in front of them, tough cookies who seem to leave more on the plate than you put there or, like most kids, a combination of the two, cooking real food is nowhere near as exhausting, tricky or unrewarding as some people make it out to be.

Finally, and speaking from experience, it doesn’t matter where or how you live, feeding your children good food and laying the groundwork for the healthiest possible future is something that every one of us has in our power to get right.

FUSSY EATERS

There can’t be many children who don’t go through a fussy stage, whether it’s one type of food they don’t like, food generally (heaven help you), or a particular time of day when they don’t seem to want to eat anything.

Whatever it is, it’s not worth losing your temper over; all that does is frighten the child and make the situation worse. Be prepared to be patient, even if you’re feeling anxious, and remind yourself that the important thing is to encourage your children to eat, and eventually enjoy food, without turning mealtimes into a battleground, because if that happens, you really will have trouble on your hands.

I’ve found there are two schools of thought when it comes to persuading kids to eat. Either talk to them about their food; let them know exactly what it is and where it comes from, or try and disguise whatever they don’t like so they end up eating some of the right foods without realising. It’s a case of working out which way works best in your house, and at the risk of confusing the issue, you’ll probably find it will be a little bit of both.

Just remember that children have seldom, if ever, starved themselves completely, or incurred any lasting damage to their health by refusing certain foods, even kids who exist on a diet of baked beans and jelly babies, or some other weird combination, for months at a time.

Of course it’s better all round if they learn to like a wide variety of foods early on and, from a personal point of view, I don’t see any harm in offering a reward in the form of a pudding, or a very few sweets after dinner every day if that helps. Having said that, it’s a good idea to give fruit as a treat sometimes (especially in the summer months when the really good stuff is in season: strawberries, raspberries, cherries, peaches and plums, among other things) rather than the more obvious sweet treats, so children don’t differentiate between nutritious and ‘naughty but nice’ things too soon, in which case they’re naturally going to want the latter every time.

Like everything else in life it’s a question of finding the right balance, so be firm without being too forceful and you’ll soon be able to spot the difference between a child who genuinely dislikes something, and one who’s just pushing his luck because he’d rather eat a bag of crisps than a bowl of soup.

There’s no better way for children to develop good eating habits than watching their parents eat and enjoy food, so eat together as a family whenever you can, or if the children are very young and have dinner earlier than you, at least stay in the same room, and preferably sit down with them, so you can have a conversation and help them along if they’re struggling.

Try not to fly off the handle when they refuse to eat something the first fifty-five times, and shower them with praise and admiration when they do try. It’s easy to forget that children actually want to please their parents most of the time (children under the age of twelve anyway), so make them feel good about themselves and lay off the guilt. There’ll be plenty of time for that later on when they’re selfish, ungrateful teenagers who treat the house like a hotel and don’t appreciate anything you’ve done for them.

Tips

Impose strict limits on juice and squash and banish fizzy drinks altogether, except for parties and special occasions. I’ve lost count of the number of very young children I’ve seen guzzling vast quantities of drink, and then, to the surprise and despair of their parents, not being able to eat anything. Avoid giving small children anything to drink except water and a certain amount of milk for as long as possible, and if you must give them juice, dilute it with as much water as you can get away with. Even expensive, unsweetened fruit juice can damage their teeth and too much liquid sloshing around in their stomachs takes the edge off their appetite. Never serve soft drinks at mealtimes either, just a jug of water, with or without ice. If children are genuinely thirsty they will drink water, or very diluted fruit juice, no two ways about it. This is one area where it pays to be really ruthless. It’s up to you to put your foot down.

Keep portions small. It’s better to give a child a tiny amount so they can ask for more than put them off with too much food at the start.

Whenever you want them to eat food they say they don’t like, or just something new that they haven’t tried before, make sure you also give them something you know they do like. (Tempt them with chips and they might just eat the other vegetables on their plate without complaining.)

Try not to separate food into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ or ‘adult’ and ‘kiddie’ food and, no matter what their age, eat at least some of the same foods as your children at every meal.

If it’s the texture of certain foods more than the taste that’s putting your child off, make fruit and vegetable smoothies in a blender for them to drink through a straw.

Keep trying new things and don’t be afraid to re-introduce food they didn’t like the first time round. Getting your kids into good eating habits is like teaching them road safety. You don’t bring the subject up once or twice at the beginning and assume they’ve learnt it; you still say ‘mind the road’ every time they go near it – even when they’re old enough to drive on it.

Some sweet treats are less harmful than others, so give children small amounts of chocolate rather than hard, sugar-coated candy whenever possible. Ice pops and plain lollies are another good bet for a relatively harmless sweet treat. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep ice pops in the freezer all year round for when your kids are very sick or down with the flu. Slowly sucking an ice pop helps keep them hydrated when they can’t eat or they’re constantly throwing up.

For a savoury snack give them dry cereal or a few cheesy biscuits, instead of crisps.

Never, ever give a young child a whole packet of sweets or crisps in any case; split one packet between at least three kids and give each of them a tiny amount in a small bowl. If you’ve only got one child and you’re trying not to fall into the trap of eating all their leftovers, seal the packet with sticky tape immediately, then put it back in the cupboard – and always buy the smallest packets in the first place.

Use a favourite doll or teddy as a prop. Whether you’re potty-training, trying to get kids to take their medicine or encouraging them to eat, there’s nothing most very young children like more than a game involving a loved and trusted toy.

Grow your own herbs or mustard and cress in a pot on the windowsill and cook as an activity (see Cooking with Children in Chapter 8: Let Them Eat Cake) to get them interested in food and reduce the fear factor.

Have other kids over to eat with your children regularly so they can socialize and learn to associate food with happy occasions, instead of seeing every mealtime as an obstacle that has to be overcome as quickly as possible.

Separate the food on their plate into two piles and let your children choose to eat just one of them. Meet them halfway and none of you will be left feeling like the loser.

PACKED LUNCHES

Q: How do you make a reasonably nutritious packed lunch that won’t reduce your child to tears of boredom or have you branded an unfit mother? It’s no joke.

Once upon a time, all we had to worry about was the odd spilt drink or a squashed sandwich. Now, providing children with a packed lunch every day without finding the rotten remains hidden under the bed six weeks later or falling foul of the Lunchbox Police is more hazardous than a trip to Mars – and put one of those in their lunchbox at your peril.

Unless you’re one of those lucky parents whose children’s school prepares proper, decent food on the premises – or you couldn’t care less – the chances are you’ll find yourself making packed lunches at least some of the time for a good few years. And no, I don’t think a Mars Bar is the answer either, but I don’t buy the ‘one size fits all’ philosophy of schools who invent ridiculous rules about what you can and can’t feed your children as a smokescreen for the unpalatable truth, which is; the food they provide is often even less healthy than crisps and chocolate and they can’t be bothered to address the problem any other way. (One teacher I know of at a very PC primary school, which has ‘Healthy Schools Status,’ whatever that means, allows the children’s lunchboxes to be kept right next to the radiator.)

I agree that if you can’t be bothered to try and feed your children something healthy at least some of the time you deserve a kick up the backside, but most of us do care very much, and I don’t think anyone is in a better position than the parents to predict what their children will actually eat. It’s all very well advising people to pack fruit salad and sandwiches full of lettuce and tomato, but there’s no getting away from it, fruit doesn’t always taste so good in a plastic box, and salad sandwiches go soggy long before lunchtime, no matter what.

Children can be very conservative in their eating habits and it’s frustrating if they insist on taking cream crackers and jam for lunch every day, but if they’ve had breakfast and you know they’ll eat a proper meal later on, it’s nobody else’s business. Nor do I think it’s necessarily a bad thing to pack a small bag of crisps or a chocolate biscuit in addition to the main course. I always gave my children crisps and biscuits on condition that they ate at least half the sandwich and a bit of fruit first, and if they didn’t have time for the treat I always let them eat it later on. Of course you need a bit of trust for this to work, but as a veteran packed lunch maker of many years’ standing, I believe it generally does work – and any dinner lady worth her salt will see to it that no child gets the wrapper off a chocolate biscuit while there’s an untouched sandwich or an apple in their lunchbox.

I was a school dinner lady some years ago and I saw lots of packed lunches which had obviously been lovingly prepared by health-conscious parents, but which also included crisps, biscuits, cakes and other now strictly forbidden items. I also saw some truly dire lunches – a single slice of cold, soggy toast, for example – which wouldn’t break any of the new rules, but hardly qualifies as wholesome either. The other important point about rules and forbidden food is that whatever isn’t allowed automatically becomes more desirable. At this rate we’ll have a black market in Penguins and Jaffa Cakes run by nine-year-olds behind the disused bike sheds before we know it.

Another thing I’ve noticed over the years is that the way kids of all ages eat at home can be very different from the way they act in front of their friends, and let’s face it, most dinner halls aren’t exactly conducive to eating in peace and comfort. Then there’s the time factor, the lure of the playground and the smell of school dinners to put them off, not to mention peer pressure, as in: ‘Eugh, what is THAT? You’re not eating it are you?’ I remember a ten-year-old girl telling one of my children that his mum didn’t love him because he had own-brand crisps in his lunchbox instead of Walkers. Honestly. Another time I couldn’t understand why my teenage son flatly refused to take smoked salmon sandwiches to school, which he loves, until, in a moment of sudden clarity I realised that eating dainty smoked salmon sandwiches at the local comprehensive was more likely to get him duffed up than going around with a sign on his back saying ‘punch me’.

Let’s be clear about one thing. When your children are in primary school, you do at least have half a chance to get it right. After that, peer pressure (especially with boys) kicks in so hard you’ll be lucky if they eat or drink anything that isn’t fizzy, fried or covered in sugar. Then all you can do is hope for the best and make sure they still eat the right food at home, where you still have some influence...

Tips

If you have to make sandwiches in advance, wrap them in foil and store them in the fridge.

Cut the crusts off if you think it helps – two sandwiches without crusts for older kids – it makes them easier to wolf down in a hurry, and they get to eat more of the best bit of the sandwich that way.

Prepare sandwich fillings the night before, i.e. mash tuna, grate cheese, etc, then you’re already halfway there in the morning.

Buy lots of plastic boxes with tight-fitting lids in a variety of shapes and sizes; they come in handy for so many things (see below).

The Food

Don’t stick to the same old white sliced. Even if your kids have sandwiches every day you can make them more interesting by varying the bread, as well as the filling. Granary, rye, wholemeal, white grain, half-and-half, pumpernickel, crusty rolls, cheesy rolls, bagels, wraps and croissants all work well with any of the following: cheese and pickle, tinned tuna or salmon mixed with sweetcorn and mayonnaise, ham and cream cheese, beef and watercress, avocado and bacon, slices of cold meatloaf and mustard...

Reduce the likelihood of a soggy outcome (slightly) by putting salad between two layers of filling, away from the bread. Even so, it has to be said that some salad stuff lasts better than others. I’ve never had much success with tomato and lettuce, but diced cucumber and peppers can be mixed with tuna and mayonnaise; also watercress or mustard and cress, and sweetcorn.

Pack slices of tomato and cucumber or lettuce and spinach in boxes with tight-fitting lids to be added to sandwiches or rolls at lunchtime.

Avoid anything that will smell, spill, or go off too quickly, especially in the summer. Egg sandwiches are out, and cartons of yoghurt generally don’t last the course – plus there’s a good chance that the lid will be pierced by a sharp object, covering everything with the contents.

Compartmentalized lunchboxes can be good for keeping everything separate and therefore less liable to damage.

Try the old trick of packing a carton of juice straight from the freezer to keep everything else in the lunchbox cool in the summer. By lunchtime, the drink will still be half-frozen and mushy like a Slush Puppy.

Instead of sandwiches try:

• Cold chicken drumsticks or homemade chicken nuggets with coleslaw (see Chapter 3: Make Dinner, Not Excuses).
• Sausage rolls and potato salad (see Chapter 3: Make Dinner, Not Excuses).
• Hummus or guacamole with carrot sticks and tortilla chips (see Chapter 9: Not Only But Also).
• Cold pizza.
• Pasta mixed with tuna, diced cucumber and sweetcorn.
• Rice salad (see Chapter 3: Make Dinner, Not Excuses).
• For slightly older kids, fill a thermos flask with hot soup or pasta and tomato sauce. This is definitely too nerdy for most teenagers, and even if it does work you’ll probably find yourself replacing the broken flask at least once a term, but it’s always worth a try.

Buy the smallest bananas, fun-size apples and seedless grapes, which are much more appealing and less daunting to children (not to mention plenty of adults).

Apples and bananas can get boring when there’s nothing very exciting in season, so provide sticks of carrot, celery, cucumber, red and green peppers instead.

Don’t forget dried fruit; raisins, prunes, apricots, dates, figs and cranberries.

Bend the no crisps or biscuits rule with homemade cheesy biscuits and wholesome cakes (see Chapter 8: Let Them Eat Cake).

Make fruit jelly in tiny plastic pots with tight-fitting lids the night before; they’ll be set by the morning. (Give kids plastic spoons and forks if you find the contents of your cutlery drawer gradually disappearing without trace.)

If your children are desperate for something sweet and there’s no ban on chocolate at their primary school include a couple of squares of good dark chocolate in their lunchbox to finish off with.

p.s. The very clever mother of one six-year-old boy I knew when I was a dinner lady used to leave funny little messages in his lunchbox, encouraging him to eat his food and enjoy it. Plenty of mothers, myself included, can only marvel at such devotion and presence of mind (my children would never have been able to read my terrible handwriting anyway) but, hey, it’s a good idea. Maybe it could work for you.