Thoughts Of Self-Injury: Guidance For Teenagers
Jan Sutton is an experienced counsellor, trainer, and author of several books covering self-harm, counselling skills, and stress management. Compassionate about the subject of self-injury, she has devoted many years to studying the phenomenon. She also maintains two high-ranking, not-for-profit websites, designed to support self-injurers and their supporters, and to raise awareness of self-injury and related issues.
Thoughts of self-injury: guidance for teenagers
If you are having thoughts about self-injury, try to think before you act, and consider asking for help. This is no time to ‘put on a brave face’ and pretend things are fine, or to attempt handling the situation on your own. No person is an island. We all need someone to lean on at difficult times in our lives, and admitting we need help is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it a sign of moral weakness. On the contrary, it takes strength and courage to say ‘No, actually I am not fine, and I need help’.
Considering hurting yourself is a sign that something is seriously amiss in your life and that you are struggling to cope with the situation. Self-injury might seem like a viable solution to cope with the emotional pain you are suffering and it may indeed serve as a temporary distraction from what is really hurting you. Yet the relief gained through self-injury isn’t permanent – it is sometimes just passing, often merely fleeting, and when the pain from the external wounds decreases and no longer becomes the focus of your attention, chances are your mind will once more start dwelling on the deeper issues that are driving you to hurt yourself. Further, left unresolved, these troubling concerns can lead to an increase in the frequency or intensity of self-injury and the possibility of becoming addicted to the act, as well as a growing number of scars to hide and a mounting sense of shame, isolation, alienation, or disconcerting feelings of being ‘different’.
Self-injury is not a cure-all
Self-injury simply places a sticking plaster over the real issues that are worrying you, and once embarked upon it is likely to exacerbate your problems rather than reduce or eliminate them. So try hard to avoid becoming ensnared in the clutches of self-injury – it can be a long and difficult road back.
Food for thought
- Consider the permanent damage you could cause to your body.
- Think how you might feel on a scorching hot summer’s day when the lure of sunbathing on the beach or taking a dip in the sea appeals, or on those balmy evenings when replacing uncomfortable long-sleeved blouses and trousers with sleeveless tops and shorts attracts. Embarrassment, fear of being discovered, a need to cover one’s tracks, or having to explain away wounds and scars can all serve as strong deterrents from stripping off in hot weather or throwing caution to the wind and joining in the fun.
- Consider how self-injury could alienate you from your friends and loved ones – how sleepovers with your peers could become a missed pleasure for fear of awkward questions, or how forming intimate relationships might become a no go area due to fear of rejection at revealing your scars.
- Think about the discomfort of having to explain your injuries to a doctor or nurse at Accident & Emergency if your wounds require stitching, or if a blood test or other medical procedure becomes necessary.
- Weigh up the advantages of self-injury against the disadvantages, not just in the immediate moment, but also longer-term.
Better out than in
The pull of self-injury can be a strong one. If it is tugging hard at you, please talk to someone you feel you can trust – a friend, family member, your family doctor, or another health professional. Silence is not always ‘golden’ as sometimes claimed, and just acknowledging the fact that you are ‘not fine’ can bring an enormous sense of relief. Moreover, whilst talking things through may initially produce rivers of grief, important to remember is that crying is ultimately curing – cutting is not.
If coping alone is all too familiar and anxiety rears its ugly head at the very thought of discussing your concerns face-to-face, or confusion reigns deeming it difficult to explain in words what exactly is worrying you, try writing your concerns down on paper. Make a note of what is causing you to consider self-injury as a way of coping, and how you arrived at this point. Writing allows space to speak the unspoken. Additionally, it can bring clarity to bewildering and chaotic thoughts, as well as providing liberation from powerful feelings and emotions.
From a busy health professional’s perspective, presenting with a written list of concerns, symptoms, and questions to ask can ensure best use of the time available. It can also be a valuable tool for professionals in enabling them to steer you in the direction of the best form of treatment. Presenting with a list also has benefits for you in that it avoids the risk of leaving the consultation thinking ‘if only I’d said . . .’ or ‘I wish I had told him/her about . . .”
Finally
Please do your utmost not to turn to self-injury as a way of switching off from your emotional pain, or as a means of switching on to feeling more alive, more real, or more connected. In the heat of the moment, it might seem like the answer, but be assured it’s not. Prevention is definitely better than cure, and with the right help and support, venturing down the damaging, dark, and despairing tunnel of self-injury is avoidable. To quote the wise words of one respondent:
Some parting words of wisdom
These astute and poignant words from another respondent are worth their weight in gold to anyone supporting someone who self-injures:
Key points
- Strong feelings are a natural reaction to discovering a loved one is self-injuring.
- It’s important to remain calm, and to avoid getting angry or being judgemental when faced with the knowledge that a loved one is self-injuring.
- People who self-injure need reassurance that they are loved unconditionally despite of their actions.
- Issuing ultimatums, veiled threats, and confiscating a person’s ‘coping tools’ can prove counterproductive.
- Offering the gift of listening and support are priceless to someone who self-injures.
- Supporting someone who self-injures in whatever capacity can be stressful and taxing. It’s essential not to ignore your own needs – you are important too.
- Talking to a trusted person is crucial if you are having thoughts about hurting yourself.
Useful resources
LifeSIGNS: Self-Injury Guidance and Network Support
LifeSIGNS, a popular, professionally presented, well-established and well-organised site, offers wide-ranging information on self-injury, including self-help strategies for those who self-injure and guidance for others. Of particular interest to those who self-injure are instructions for carrying out a self-help activity aimed at suppressing the urge to self-injure, called the ‘15 Minute Rule’. Fact sheets for those who self-injure, for students, for friends and family, for teachers, and for health care professionals, are also available at the time or writing. Other useful documents include creating a school self-injury policy, and first aid for self-injury.
The 2006 book, By Their Own Young Hand: Deliberate Self-harm and Suicidal Ideas in Adolescents, written by Keith Hawton and Karen Rodham, with Emma Evans, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, contains a useful appendix entitled Self-harm: Guidelines for School Staff (see Appendix III: 202–223).
