Knowing why you want to write your life story will influence what is included. This chapter will look at reasons for writing, as well as, hopefully, providing inspiration for those not yet convinced of the validity of such a project.

Knowing why you want to write

There are many reasons to write and it is likely that at least one of the following will strike a chord.

Nursing a desire to write

Maybe you have never had the time, or possibly the confidence, to start writing until now. Alternatively, you may have kept a diary all your life and now want it collated and edited into a book. This is your opportunity.

Remembering parents or grandparents

How many times do we look at boxes of old photographs and wish we knew something about the faces before us? There may not even be any names on the back to identify the people.

As time passes so there are fewer people who have memories of those from a previous generation. You might be the only person who still remembers your grandparents. If you do not record what you know of their lives these precious details will be lost forever.

Interestingly, as you write about your parents and grandparents, you may well spot patterns which you and perhaps your children have repeated.

Responding to a request to write

This might be by a family member, perhaps a child, grandchild, nephew or niece, or maybe a friend has been nagging at you to put pen to paper.

It is now part of the National Curriculum to seek ‘eyewitness accounts’, so perhaps a neighbour’s child has sown the seed for this autobiographical adventure.

Biographies are the most popular form of reading . . . they are even more interesting when they are about someone you know.

• Q:I’ve never written anything longer than a note to the milkman. How am I going to write a book?
• A:If you can write a letter, you really can write a book. Break it down into bite-sized chunks and just write the way you speak. If the book is intended for people who know and love you, they are on your side already. They are not going to say, ‘I loved the book, but there was a split infinitive on page 72 that ruined the whole thing for me.’ They love you for being you, and if you write the way you speak, your character will shine out from every page. You can always have the writing typed up and edited afterwards, if required, but start by getting your precious memories down on paper – all the rest can come later. If you have been writing letters all your life, you will know how to express yourself; a book is just like writing a series of letters.

Remembering your spouse or loved one

Writing about a lost partner or loved one can be a cathartic experience, although sometimes a period of time has to elapse before you feel ready to embark on such a project. What you write can be a wonderful tribute to a person very dear to your heart.

Providing a record for future generations

Maybe the initiative has come from within to leave something for your grandchildren, your godchildren or future generations, possibly even as a surprise gift. Perhaps you wish that you had been left such a record by your forebears.

The world has changed phenomenally over the past few decades. Someone in their seventies or eighties has probably witnessed more change in their lifetime than in any other period of history, and even a 50-year-old will remember a time before decimalisation, the unification of Germany, England winning the World Cup, using slide rules and receiving free school milk. Then there’s the first time you tasted foreign food or perhaps the luxury of going abroad on holiday. All these memories and many more will provide a fascinating record of the twentieth century for future generations.

Recording a particular period of your life

You may have served in a war in some capacity, either seeing action or supporting the war effort indirectly. There again, you may have been evacuated or remember the hardships of rationing, or perhaps you never had it so good growing up in the 1960s.

Alternatively, you may have had a particularly interesting childhood being brought up abroad. Perhaps you had an extended stay in hospital, or nursed a loved one through a lengthy illness at home. Such subjects make for fascinating reading, and, who knows, once you’ve caught the writing bug you may want to record other parts of your life.

Being inspired by a TV programme

Watching television has a way of opening up so many memories, especially programmes like Dad’s Army or Foyle’s War, if they are set during a formative period of our lives. The sights, sounds, values and events can all help to relive those years. For others, The Good Life or Only Fools and Horses may be nostalgic as we see mobile phones the size of bricks, and fashions and styles we now cringe at but which we were quite happy to adopt ourselves during those years.

There are also those programmes which follow volunteers through experiences with which we might be familiar, be they National Service, schooldays in the 1950s, or perhaps The 1940s House. Such programmes may have set you thinking about the times before electric washing machines and refrigerators. You can describe how washday was such a chore for your mother (or even yourself), and how it was doubly difficult in wet weather as the Dutch airer and clothes horse had to be used . . . no tumble dryers or radiators to help in those days. Then there was Reckitt’s blue, Robin starch, mangles, the copper . . .

The BBC programme Who Do You Think You Are? has also inspired many to review their immediate ancestors. Recording these details about the family and continuing with your own life story may be your impetus for wanting to write – if so, advice is provided in the next chapter.

Illustrating how the workplace has changed

Many jobs are almost unrecognisable compared with thirty or forty years ago when modern technology meant a comptometer for the book-keeper. You also probably had to clock in, losing a quarter of an hour’s pay if you were so much as three minutes late.

There was an obvious hierarchy, this often being defined by the hat that was worn, be it flat cap, trilby or bowler. There was also the associated respect: the boss was ‘Mr Tilbury’ – no one would have called him ‘Martin’ . . . and, yes, the bosses were invariably men. In fact, women often had to resign when they got married!

A six-day working week was commonplace. If you were lucky perhaps you only worked Saturday mornings, leaving Saturday afternoon for shopping; there was no late night opening, and Sunday trading was inconceivable. And how many weeks holiday did you get – one or two?

Your nursing days may have been a fantastic time and you want to record how things have changed so dramatically in the medical profession. You might remember waxing the floor, or perhaps how penicillin was the wonder drug after the days of M&B 693 and 760. Perhaps you pre-date the NHS, or witnessed its infancy.

Perhaps you served an apprenticeship, with your father having to sign the indenture because you were under 21 – he might even have had to pay for the privilege of your articles if you were taken on in a profession like accountancy!

Writing a company book

You may have started a business and want to record its history, perhaps weaving chapters within your own life story. Looking at the company now, who would have believed that on one occasion you had to sell the typewriter to pay the wages?

Or perhaps you worked for one company throughout your career when a job was for life. After five years you might barely have progressed from making the tea, whereas today you are likely to be the longest-serving employee!

Writing your story is a way of recording the social tapestry of life in the workplace in the second half of the twentieth century. You might like to send a copy of your book, or at least the relevant chapters, to the company for their archives, or lodge a copy with the local library where it will be a valuable record for social historians in years to come.

Looking for a hobby

If you are looking for a hobby to exercise your mind, writing your life story is the perfect choice. It can be as gentle or demanding as you require, depending on whether you write purely from memory or decide to undertake more extensive research. The latter may involve visiting relatives to pick their brains, referring to some of the excellent books and videos widely available, or visiting a few of the many nostalgia museums.

• Q:Don’t I have to be really old before I write my life story?
• A:No, just because you write your autobiography does not mean that there won’t be more chapters to come. Many people write in their fifties and early sixties, some younger still. Often the desire is sparked by a life change like retirement (or early retirement), or because the time is right to realise that ambition of writing a book. Writing about your life thus far helps to draw a line under what has gone before, allowing you to move on to your next adventure. Since completing her book, one author went trekking in China. If you write a book in your fifties, there’s nothing to stop you writing a sequel in your eighties!

Writing for yourself

Sadly, all too often people find it difficult to say, ‘I am writing my life story because I want to.’

You are interesting and unique. You have insights, feelings and thoughts that you will find both stimulating and enjoyable to reflect upon and express. You will open up many wonderful memories and also be amazed at what you learn about yourself in the process.

You may have something interesting you want to say . . . or maybe it’s your soapbox. Either way, you’re entitled to it. Don’t apologise, just enjoy the experience and celebrate your life.

Writing your autobiography is immense fun, all the more so if the process is shared – this will be considered in the next chapter.

• Q:I want to write, but I have never been any good at spelling and grammar. Does it matter?
• A:Please don’t be deflected in your enthusiasm for writing by such fears . . . and don’t use them as an excuse for not writing. The important thing is to get your story down on paper first. You can play around with the manuscript later if you want to – plenty of help and technology is available. Suggestions regarding consistency and editing the manuscript can be found in Chapter 12.

Thinking about Granny

If you are still in doubt as to whether to write, consider how you would feel if someone special had given you a copy of their life story – your grandmother, a parent, your favourite uncle or an inspirational teacher. Imagine reading about their parents, their childhood, their successes and aspirations . . . and possibly even their feelings about you on the day you were born.

Such a treasure trove is likely to be one of the few things you would rescue if your house was burning down. If you would cherish such a possession, isn’t it likely that your loved ones would too?

Receiving this book as a present

You have made a start simply by reading this far. Hopefully you will feel inspired to read on . . . and maybe even to put pen to paper.

Changing horses mid-stream

It doesn’t matter if your reasons for writing change during the project. You might set out with the intention of writing to remember your parents, yet find yourself engrossed in your early career, or intend to write solely about your childhood but find yourself writing about the Millennium. The more you write, the better, and you can always adjust the Introduction to account for your change of heart – after all, in writing your life story, the most difficult person to seek approval from is yourself!

Areas of caution

Two further reasons for writing are considered below. However, great care must be exercised before embarking on a book with these motives in mind.

Writing to set the record straight

It might be that you have felt misunderstood, or perhaps a book has been written which tells the story differently from how you remember it. writing to set the record straight may not necessarily be a negative focus, but if it is, great care has to be taken not to offend. The law of libel is fierce and any litigation can be financially ruinous. At best you might lose friends, at worst you might also be rendered penniless.

Think carefully before putting anything contentious into print. This book is intended for those seeking to write gentle family memoirs, not blockbusters aiming to bring down governments. If that is your intention, you should seek advice elsewhere.

Seeking fame and fortune

Unless you are one of the very few individuals who receive an advance from a publisher for a manuscript yet to be written, no guarantees can ever be made about making money from writing your memoirs. Indeed, if such an advance is forthcoming, it is likely that you are already in the ‘fame and fortune’ category.

Please think very carefully before you put pen to paper if your motive is financial. Apart from the well-publicised exceptions, very few ‘unknown’ people make money from their autobiography. Publishing is a notoriously fickle industry and this book makes no promises in the realms of publication.

Beware, there is an industry known as vanity publishing which will be discussed later. The advice here is to keep your eyes open and your chequebook closed.

As long as your reasons for writing are wholesome, you will experience a great sense of achievement and satisfaction once you have finished.

Dealing with modesty

Modesty is the biggest single reason why people do not write their life stories. We are taught to be humble and self-effacing. Despite this, we all know someone who should write an autobiography: the lady down the road who brought up seven children and adopted three more during the war, and the kindly octogenarian at church who has seen so much change in his lifetime. They should write their life stories . . . but me? Oh no!

Even within the family there are those we wish had written something:

‘Great Aunt Ethel was such a character; if only we had put the tape recorder on when she was telling us about her amazing childhood. She remembered having gas installed, and even then it was only downstairs because the pipes were charged for by the yard and her parents could not afford to have them fitted upstairs. She was given a candle when she went to bed, and so expert was her mother at cutting this to size that if Aunt Ethel was only to read for ten minutes, the candle would extinguish virtually to the second after the tenth minute had elapsed. But there are so many stories which have been forgotten.’

• Q:Isn’t it big-headed to write about myself?
• A:If this is your concern, the odds are that you are not big-headed. If you were given a book written by your grandfather, you would be mesmerised from cover to cover. You certainly would not accuse him of being big-headed; you would simply be delighted that he had left some of those cherished memories for posterity. Just because you write your life story does not mean that you are being immodest. Indeed, if you are concerned about such issues in the first place, it tends to imply that you are modest by nature, as will be evident in your writing. Just keep your story simple and write the way you speak, and you will be assured of a fascinating record for friends and family to enjoy.

Listening to the experts

Set out below are some comments from those who have written their autobiographies and who have been kind enough to take the time to share what was the inspiration behind their writing:

Family life has always been very important to me. Coming from a very large and loving family has left me with many memories. A few years ago it became an obsession for me to write all these memories down for my family and future generations.

Writing my book led to many interesting events. Numerous relatives and friends have asked to read it with amazing reactions. Through this I have found out so much more about my ancestors and even met relatives I never knew existed. It has made so much difference to my life.

We have three lovely daughters and decided to give them an early legacy of a beautiful leather-bound book of the family’s memoirs. We found it great fun compiling our days of yesteryear, recalling all those little incidents, anecdotes, happy and even sad days which creep into one’s lives.

We had immense pleasure in presenting our girls with a signed copy on Gordon’s 70th birthday, and truly hope it will inspire them to continue with the next generation.

My book was the compilation of diaries and photographs kept over thirty-three years when my husband and I bought a plot of land, designed and built a bungalow for ourselves.

I had the experience of reading some of my father’s war memoirs and his early life (written in an exercise book) and found it so fascinating that I felt I must pass on to my children, grandchildren and future descendants something of my life. My dad had not completed his work when he died.

Jottings hoarded over many years were lying in a file intended to be rewritten sometime. All the notes were related to my years working as a nurse. Changes over the last fifty years merited record. Retirement and re-marriage meant moving house. Decision time had arrived . . . the file came too. A friend offered to help me collate the material and the book was conceived in earnest.

I wrote my story mainly for my own benefit. I had been pondering the idea for several years, as I had a lot of thoughts churning over in my head that I didn’t want to talk about. One evening, late at night, I found an old exercise book and started jotting little notes down. I wrote most evenings, not because I had to, but because I really wanted to. It all seemed to flow – there was so much to write about.

As far back as I can remember, and that is quite some time, I always admired and can still see a photograph on my mother’s lounge table of her three brothers all dressed in Scottish uniform . . . but being so young I never appreciated their loss in the Great War and Mother never mentioned their fate. I felt I must write something about what I knew of my family background to ensure that future generations were not equally in the dark.

I wrote letters home during my 27 years in the Navy. When my mother died I was amazed to find them and read them avidly. I put them into a book – they make a fascinating social record.

I kept the whole project a secret from my daughters, who were both surprised and delighted when they were presented with the book. We seldom ask our parents about their early lives, and as we become older most of us have regrets we did not do so. Hopefully I have filled in some of this information for my offspring and the grandchildren, who find life as it was for their grandmother quite unbelievable.

After a long illness, I felt very depressed; I’d no interest in life or people. I was a misery. Unable to sleep one night, I read a magazine and saw an article on how to write your life story. Ha! What story would my life make? I’m in a wheelchair, can only go out when I’m taken. Then I found myself thinking back.

Picking up pen and paper, I began to write about the good times in my life, places I’d been, people I’ve known over the years, my greenhouse and lovely garden, the little dogs I’ve had, the hard but happy experiences of my nursing life. The more I opened my memory box, the more I remembered.

My writing has opened a new chapter in my life. Looking at old photos and reading old diaries is fun. They take you back in years. I am now writing my second book, and am too busy to be a misery . . . (and I will be 90 next birthday).

Checklist

• Why do you want to write your life story?
• What excites you most about the prospect of writing?
• If your grandfather had written his life story, what details would you want him to have included? Often the smallest details are the most fascinating. If my grandfather wrote that he cleaned his shoes every night, the fact that he felt it worthy of inclusion is good enough for me . . . it also explains why Dad was so paranoid about me cleaning my cricket boots! These are the details you should consider including in your manuscript.

Assignments

• Write down your reasons for writing your life story. Don’t worry if these change during the course of the project.
• Your book will be around long after you have gone and may well be read by people who never met you. Consider what you might write about yourself that will convey to such people the sort of person you are.
• If you are still unsure as to whether to embark on this project, write down your reservations and discuss them with a friend.