We have updated our Privacy Policy Please take a moment to review it. By continuing to use this site, you agree to the terms of our updated Privacy Policy.

How authentic is your relationship?


Good relationships provide us with intimacy where we feel free to express ourselves and in which we feel understood, validated and cared for. Decades of research show that intimate human relationships help us flourish. In such relationships we feel safe to get to know ourselves and explore behind the mask that we may be wearing.  Authentic relationships bring out the best in ourselves. When we are truly valued and accepted for who we are, we aspire to be more than we are. Professor Stephen Joseph, author of Authentic: How to be Yourself and Why it Matters, provides a quiz for us to reflect if we feel that we are in an authentic relationship.


In an authentic relationship you will feel no need to be ashamed of yourself and all your physical and emotional scars, but you will feel accepted for who you are. Intimacy is part of a loving relationship for most people. For each of the following, tick whether or not this is how you feel in your relationship.



Alive                                                                                   Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you are valued                                                         Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you have been seen for who you are                 Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you are OK to be you                                             Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you are cared for                                                    Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you are deeply connected                                     Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you are desirable                                                    Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]

that you are loved                                                           Yes  [  ]                        No  [  ]



If most of of your answers are yes, then it sounds like your relationship has the essential ingredients of authenticity for you. If most of your answers are no it may be that you need to think about what steps you might take to develop authenticity in your relationship. To find out more: www.authenticityformula.com


Stephen Joseph is a professor of psychology, health and social care at the University of Nottingham, UK, where he is co-director of the Centre for Trauma, Resilience and Growth and an honorary consultant psychologist in psychotherapy. He has published more than two hundred academic papers, seven academic books and is the author of What Doesn’t Kill Us (Piatkus). He is often asked to comment in the media on topical events relating to his work